Highschool for Girl with hashkafa questions

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Sat, Oct 21 2023, 11:49 pm

Is there a school, preferably out of town, for a girl with a lot of hashkafa questions. My daughter is currently in an out of town bais Yaakov. She has a lot of hashkafa questions that the typical bais Yaakov girl does not have. She looks and acts like a bais Yaakov girl but what's going on in her head tells a different story. I wonder if there is a school out there that would be a better fit for her. Some place where it is acceptable to ask questions and they actually have qualified teachers to answer. Tia

Edited to say preferably with a dorm or boarding options.

amother

Yarrow

Sat, Oct 21 2023, 11:53 pm

Not out of town but prospect high school in brooklyn

mom of 8

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 12:01 am

Tiferes in Toronto

avimom

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 12:34 am

Another vote for prospect park yeshiva. Not out of town but we had one or two girls who boarded with families nearby when I was there (many year ago). Questions strongly encouraged.

emee2

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 12:47 am

Tiferes Bais Yaakov in Toronto is exactly what you are looking for!

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 1:59 am

avimom wrote:

Another vote for prospect park yeshiva. Not out of town but we had one or two girls who boarded with families nearby when I was there (many year ago). Questions strongly encouraged.

Wow. Things must have changed dramatically since I was a student there. That’s absolutely fascinating. In my day questions of any sort were discouraged. Wow

amother

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 8:34 am

emee2 wrote:

Tiferes Bais Yaakov in Toronto is exactly what you are looking for!

Can you elaborate on this?

emee2

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 1:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can you elaborate on this?

Definitely do your research. I don’t live in Toronto anymore and I didn’t send my kids there but I did sub a few times and when I spoke to rabbi Feigenbaum he said he started the school so that normal Bais yaakov girls with questions would have a place and that he encouraged the girls to think and ask questions. Also it’s a very warm and loving school and not looking to produce the cookie cutter Bais yaakov girl.

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:03 pm

Prospect is very open minded. You can also have Rabbi Mechanic speak to her. He does life-changing work in this area.

amother

Foxglove

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:05 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Prospect is very open minded. You can also have Rabbi Mechanic speak to her. He does life-changing work in this area.

What he does is theoretically great. In-person he can be a bit of a jerk and a bully
Would not recommend

amother

DarkKhaki

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:05 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Prospect is very open minded. You can also have Rabbi Mechanic speak to her. He does life-changing work in this area.

I’m absolutely flabbergasted. Wow

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:08 pm

I just want you to know that she is more normal than you think. Lots of girls have questions and a good school should be able to be there for her.

I went to BYHS in Boro Park 2 decades ago and I had teachers that were happy to answer my questions. In private.

I think it would help her to know that she's normal.

LovesHashem

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:38 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Prospect is very open minded. You can also have Rabbi Mechanic speak to her. He does life-changing work in this area.

Is this the rabbi mechanic there was a 12 page thread on last year about how he emotionally manipulated women into inappropriate relationships? With multiple different account?

amother

Tomato

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 2:39 pm

Yeshiva of Greater Washington in Silver Spring

amother

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 7:47 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

I just want you to know that she is more normal than you think. Lots of girls have questions and a good school should be able to be there for her.

I think it would help her to know that she's normal.

She is literally the only girl in her class that asks questions so she definitely doesn't feel normal. There is also only one teacher (a rabbi) who is capable of answering her. She has questions on everything. She has had girls call her an apikores 😓. She also doesn't have any friends which is not helpful. My thought is maybe she will be able to flourish (and stay frum) in a different school. Mayb her school is just too cookie cutter yeshivish.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 8:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

I asked all my questions in private. It's also a lot on how she asks the question.

I could see girls making comments.

I am telling you from experience that it's pretty common.. Been around the block.

Not saying that the school is a good fit. I just think that for her self esteem it may help her to know that is within normal.

I also would try to guide her in social skills or have a therapist guide her.

I taught high school. Some kinds of questions when asked just make you different from everyone. As a teacher I once moved past a persistent question because I could see it would hurt the girls social standing. I spoke to her after class instead.

Girls in high school want to project a certain image and the girls that don't understand don't have empathy for other kids. They are young and inexperienced.

Maybe I am wrong. It's just my opinion.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 8:34 pm

Is she a reader? Are you, your husband, or any trusted adults/relatives in your life willing to learn with her? Maybe she can do some kind of independent study course, working her way through various hashkafic material and discussing her thoughts with someone, even if her school doesn't offer such a thing.

Count yourself lucky that you know she has questions! I was this type of teen ~10 yrs ago and I did not talk to my parents about it. I would hesitate to send such a kid away from home, kal v'chomer in today's day and age.

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 8:34 pm

Bruriah in Elizabeth NJ.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 9:49 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

I agree with this poster. Also went to BYHS in BP. Also asked many questions.

I once asked a question publicly in class and the teacher was very sharp and hurtful when she answered. I approached her after class and let her know that the question was sincere and I was hurt by her answer. She explained that in front of a classroom, she needs to respond sharply because others could take it the wrong way. However, now, she's happy to explain - and she did. Was she right? Perhaps not. But I heard and understood where she's coming from.

I'll also say that there were three teachers there who I privately asked many questions to. During lunch, recess, after school - they were always happy to listen and if they didn't have answers, admitted as much and got back to me after speaking to their husbands/others. This was in 10th grade and again in 12th grade.

No one ever made me feel like an apikores or "different" for asking. It was encouraged but on a private basis only to those who reached out.

amother

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 6:15 pm

Anyone have any other ideas?

Last edited by amother on Mon, Oct 30 2023, 6:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

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