Looking for chizzuk

amother

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 5:37 am

I wanted my children to have a beautiful childhood (full disclosure I did not)
Instead they see mommy working all the time. They don’t go on vacation … ever. I send them to a school that doesn’t match out hashkafa for financial reasons (although BH” it is orthodox at least). They see mommy trying to figure out food stamps and scrimping and saving and crying to HaShem . They see mommy overwhelmed. I feel like a failure

amother

Arcticblue

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 10:13 am

Can you put on a happy front for them? Give them a few minutes when they come home from school?

I bh had a happy childhood. We never went on vacation, mom was always working and we were never able to have the new things that everyone else had.
But my mother was always there for us, she gave us time when we came home and was able to listen to our school woes. That's all that matters.

amother

Dill

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 10:46 am

A good childhood doesn't mean stuff and vacations.

I spoke to my kids at length that I work so they can attend frum schools, so they have a roof over their heads, clothing, and yes extras like toys. I do try not to let them in on our finances. The only time we gave them a hint is when my husband was unemployed and we told them we were limiting extra spending.

But I give them time. I really try to devote the evenings and weekends to them. Simple things like turning on music and dancing together, snuggling on the couch and reading a book together, looking over their projects and listening to their ideas and concerns. I ask them about their day and tell them interesting things that happened in mine. My kids range from early 20's to early elementary school.

Until recently we never did vacations. Now our vacations consist of a one night 2 day getaway--and not even every year. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive.

I grew up the same. We never had big vacations -- a couple days camping and hiking. My mother worked part time when was growing up, but it was afternoons when I was old enough to stay home alone, so she was not home when I got home from school. I had a happy loving childhood. My parents were there when I needed--physically and emotionally.