Asking relatives for money for dentist

amother

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 10:27 am

I need to have implants done and my insurance doesn't cover it. The cost is over 4000 my dh isn't working due to health issues. I have some wealthy relatives that I am close to but I feel awkward asking for money for my dental bills what are your thoughts I am nervous to ask because I don't want to ruin the relationship. I did reach out to local organizations but they don't help with dental.

notshanarishona

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 10:40 am

After spending more than $3000 on a failed implant, I just decided to forget it and leave a back tooth missing instead of going into debt again for one tooth. All the fear mongering of it causing problems with spacing issues in other teeth didn’t seem to come true (bli ayin hara)

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 10:44 am

Did your dentist confirm you need to do it right now? My husband had the tooth that was pulled out that he needed an implant in. My dentist kept on checking it every time he went. He just did it now 12 years after he pulled out the initial tooth. It was being checked the whole time and it did not shift and it was fine. Maybe confirm if it really needs to be done now or could wait.

Perly1

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 11:10 am

Sorry, this isn't easy for you.

Could you mention in conversation that it needs doing but you're not sure if you can manage because it costs $4k and see if they offer?

amother

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:06 pm

Op here I am working as much as possible I can't take on more work already working to max. It can't wait and it's front teeth.

scintilla

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:09 pm

my mama wrote:

Would you feel more comfortable asking for an extended loan instead of a donation?

I would do this, describe the situation and ask for a loan. They may offer to cover part of it.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:10 pm

I’ve helped a family member pay their dental bills with my maaser money. They mentioned that they can't pay while in conversation with me and I immediately offered to pay for them. Maybe that would work for you with these relatives.

Halachically, family comes first when it comes to spending our maaser money.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:17 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

Obviously I don't know your relatives. AlI I know is that if I had a relative who couldn't afford urgent dental work and I could, I would be so happy to help out. Unfortunately I can't afford to do my own teeth at the moment but it's not as urgent as yours.

I guess what I am trying to say is, that if you are close and they are basically good people, awkward as it is, it's probably worth asking.

amother

Dandelion

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op here I am working as much as possible I can't take on more work already working to max. It can't wait and it's front teeth.

If it was a back tooth I would say no way I have one missing it’s manageable it’s fine. But since it’s a front tooth yes please ask them your dignity to the world is worth way more than to them. I say take care of it ASAP a women needs dignity

amother

Hyssop

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 12:51 pm

Op, my husband also doesn't work, he has mental health issues. I have wealthy relatives who help me financially as needed. It's a horrible feeling to have to ask, but sometimes you don't have a choice. You can't work more hours and you can't be missing front teeth. Please ask them.

I hope they'll be very gracious in their response and not make you feel bad. Mine relatives are so nice about it.

amother

Cherry

Tue, Oct 31 2023, 1:24 pm

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer because so much depends on exactly what your relationship with these relatives are.

Are they aware of your financial difficulties or do you not discuss finances with them.

I would only feel comfortable approaching people and asking for a loan. I did this once because I didn't want to liquidate some assets when the market was not doing well. We did a promissory note but no interest to make it "official".

My parents helped with big medical expenses but I never asked them to do it. I would tell them that I needed to have something done and then they would offer - or not offer but they always offered. They were very good about money for things like medical care but I would never have asked them for money for "lifestyle" types of things/