S/o . Sharing beds at a school shabbaton

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 11:37 am

amother Fern wrote:

to play devils advocate you were probably closer sitting next to the person on the bus, then you were sleeping. You just likely never shared a bed with anyone (which used to be very common for families).

Sitting next to a person a bus is not the same at all. Different situations call for different boundaries.

Also I never understood the argument that norms used to be different. Norms and how comfortable you are, is dependent on cultural norms, time and place.

If in other cultures they eat with their hands from a central bowl, does it diminish how grossed out a person in our culture would be? Or if people used to shower less frequently, does it make a difference now?

amother

Catmint

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 11:38 am

amother Fern wrote:

Sleeping is way more personal then sitting on a bus.

amother

Yarrow

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 11:53 am

Wow I’m shocked that this is so widespread. I went to BYM, graduated within the past ten years, and they would never have had us share a bed in my day. We had our own beds on Shabbatons.

finprof

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 12:41 pm

I went to public school and we were expected to share a bed on our overnight trips. 4 girls to a standard hotel room with 2 beds. Whats the big deal?

asmileaday

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 12:53 pm

Yes we shared beds on Shabbatons (over 2 decades ago) but the beds were huge, like king or queen size.

There also wasn't much talk then about personal space and safe touch.

I think today it would be a bit odd with all the safety talks we have going on.

But honestly on a huge bed, each with their own pillow and blanket, isn't so terrible. On a smaller bed though is not right.

keym

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 12:56 pm

I think it bothers me now especially.
With all the awareness of personal space, body autonomy, bullying, it really bothers me that girls are extremely to just share and are labeled spoiled if they don't feel comfortable sharing yet don't want to sleep on the floor.

amother

Buttercup

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:04 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Bus seats aren’t made for s-x.

amother

Fern

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:08 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Sleeping is way more personal then sitting on a bus.

I really think its uncomfortable because its no longer a norm. I understand the safety concerns which would have not been considered 20-30 years ago. My schools and youth groups did 4 to a room on shabbtons and trips because it was economical.

amother

Broom

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:11 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Honestly to me it's not even about acting up. It's about personal space and comfort. I'm so glad this didn't happen when I was in high school (who would think I'd be grateful for those paper-thin mattresses and iron bunkbeds in a boy's camp on school Shabbos?)

Exactly. My lack of comfort with this had nothing to with that. I don’t even like sharing a room with people who I’m not close to. Sharing a bed is an absolute no for me even in a king size bed.

amother

Buttercup

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:15 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Exactly. My lack of comfort with this had nothing to with that. I don’t even like sharing a room with people who I’m not close to. Sharing a bed is an absolute no for me even in a king size bed.

This. What if a girl was on her period? What if she sweats while sleeping? Moves a lot? Doesn’t shower properly. Teenage me would be so grossed out.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:19 pm

amother Fern wrote:

I was in high school more than 30 years ago, and boy am I glad it wasn't the norm in my high school. I would've skipped Shabbaton if it were the case, for real.

amother

Fern

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:24 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I was in high school more than 30 years ago, and boy am I glad it wasn't the norm in my high school. I would've skipped Shabbaton if it were the case, for real.

What I meant by norm - was - atleast when I was younger we'd do sleep overs and girls might share a large mattress. (my experience was a pull out couch).

amother

Fern

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:25 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Bus seats aren’t made for s-x.

OMG - Beds are made for sleeping.

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:09 pm

This is a weird thread. I'm in my late 30s and as a teen definitely shared a queen or bigger bed with friends for hotel shabbatons/traveling camp. We just slept and it was fine. For shabbatons at people's houses we usually slept in sleeping bags on the floor. Nothing perverse about it.

amother

Acacia

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:15 pm

I shared a double or queen bed with friends or classmates multiple times - overnight trips, seminary, road trips as singles. The only awkward part was figuring out how to share the blanket. Why do you all have such dirty minds lol.

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:33 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

MO and ncsy as well. Never shared beds.

I find this bizarre really. Why the need to stay places where that the only solution?

I’m around your age and also MO/JPF and at NCSY and school shabbatons we always shared Queen beds and no one even blinked or was concerned. Are you all concerned that the girls will get s-xual?

amother

Denim

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:36 pm

When I found out that each girl didn't have their own bed for a shabbaton I was furious. Inappropriate decision for a school to make

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:43 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

This. What if a girl was on her period? What if she sweats while sleeping? Moves a lot? Doesn’t shower properly. Teenage me would be so grossed out.

It’s all girls, what’s the big deal. I’m a little shocked by how uncomfortable you all are. This was so normal 20 years ago. How did you all manage at camp?

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:09 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I’m around your age and also MO/JPF and at NCSY and school shabbatons we always shared Queen beds and no one even blinked or was concerned. Are you all concerned that the girls will get s-xual?

At ncsy ahabbatons, we slept at people's homes, one person to each bed. Never share.
School shabbatins were few and far between.

And nothing to do with getting physical. Its personal space and I just think its strange.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 3:22 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Gotcha. Throughout all regions that I know of, NCSY shabbatons that are at hotels dis the 4 girls to a room with two large beds. In my region, all small shabbatons were at houses. Fall shabbaton was also houses. Midwinter was in a hotel, and Regional was at a camp when we could get one and a hotel when we couldn't. Girls who didn't feel like sharing asked for extra linens and slept on the floor. Some brought sleeping bags to start with, because everyone knew the setup.