S/o . Sharing beds at a school shabbaton

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:01 pm

I'm pretty sure we shared beds on high school trips/shabbatons, but that was over 20 years ago and I don't remember specifics. It makes sense though, because most hotel rooms have two big beds and we were at least 4 or 5 in a room together.

My 15 year old DD has a school shabbaton this weekend and she has already checked with whoever is in charge to make sure that everyone will have their own beds because she'd rather bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor like she did last year than share a bed.

Raisin

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:10 pm

I don't remember ever doing so. Usually Shabbatons were in places with single beds anyway, I don't recall ever staying in a hotel for a shabbaton.

My kids are not excited to share beds on vacation and its a real pain in the neck finding a place that works. Most airbnbs nowadays have double, queen or king beds in each room, they seem to be more designed for groups of couples than families.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:12 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

It's sad because the girls literally don't know what's wrong with it.
We shelter our girls so when they think of a bed they think it's for sleeping.

I was an extremely sheltered girl growing up. I didn't know anything about anything until I was older.

That being said my mother was extremely into boundaries. She never liked when we gave our friends chills or massages. We all became very conscious about our boundaries and I would never let friends touch me.

The thought of sleeping with someone was so off, I slept on a chair on School Shabbos because I knew it was wrong. I didn't know why but that's how we were brought up.

amother

Cadetblue

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:28 pm

Um I went to a regular in town bais yaakov. I didn't think about sharing a large bed. I do know that there was an incident once. Which at the time I was clueless about. Unless you share a bed with a girl with no boundaries and who is very curious I don't see the big deal. I also hugged my friends in high school and no one questioned it. My first thought from this thread is what's wrong with all of you. Teenage girls don't share beds to be inappropriate. When and if they sleep during shabbaton they just sleep. Now I do believe teenage boys who aren't siblings can't share a bed but boys and girls are very different.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:40 pm

I once shared a bed with a good friend at a school Shabbaton. We got a teeny room with a huge bed. There was barely any floor space for one of us to sleep on the floor. We put a bunch of pillows in between us but I was so uncomfortable about it. The only thing that made me more comfortable was that we were both very uncomfortable about it Smile

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:44 pm

amother Tuberose wrote:

It would drastically increase the price of hotel school Shabbosses and other Shabbatons to have beds for everyone.

Or the venue could just be narrowed down to places that could accommodate appropriate sleeping arrangements for everyone.

amother

Topaz

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 1:49 pm

This taboo on sharing beds is culturally fairly new. It used to be 100% normal, and in fact, when people stayed at an inn, they were often placed in a bed that was already occupied. And believe it or not, that was already after s-x was invented.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:03 pm

Schools do this because they need to stuff as many girls into a room as the hotel allows. In that way, the cost will not be completely out of reach for the parents and all the teachers and staff and their families can attend for free. If each girl got her own bed, you would be tacking on at least an extra $100 to the cost for each participant.

amother

Feverfew

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:10 pm

yes we did this when I was in high school it was considered normal most of us were up all night anyway so not a big deal.

I find these things don't become a big deal unless someone makes it one.

Usually there are four girls per room and big queen beds so there are plenty of people around to witness if someone decides to act up.

our doors were open girls coming and going as they pleased. We had a great time!

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:12 pm

Honestly to me it's not even about acting up. It's about personal space and comfort. I'm so glad this didn't happen when I was in high school (who would think I'd be grateful for those paper-thin mattresses and iron bunkbeds in a boy's camp on school Shabbos?)

amother

Springgreen

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:12 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

Maybe it wasn't a big deal for you, but we had it once on an overnight trip and it was a big deal for me.

I thought it was very uncomfortable and inappropriate.

My personal space and boundaries were invaded.

amother

Dustypink

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:15 pm

Back in the day (20+ years ago) I'm 5th grade camp, I slept doubled up witha. 4th grader on a 33" bunk bed...

There were 2 siblings a 3rd and 4th grader who came from a completely different background than the camp was catering too. But their family situation was extremely dysfunctional and the camp accepted them becuase they needed a place to stay for the summer. I was the really nice kid who wasn't gonna say anything so I was put to sleep with one of the kids.
She picked her nose and squished it into my linen and some other awful habits. It was horrible. I felt sorry for the kid. I really did. But I was also grossed out.
But I can proudly say I kept my mouth shut. I sometimes wonder where they are now.

Then a few years later (in another camp) 2 girls to a bed was THE WORST thing one could do. There were no second chances. Of 2 girls were in 1 bed they got permanently expelled. I was such am innocent naive kid. It was so confusing to me. Took me a few YEARS after I was married to learn about it and to make sense of it. Lol. And I ain't dumb. Somehow I missed that lesson in social class 😉 😜

amother

Yolk

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:16 pm

Raisin wrote:

Was a frum hotel not fancy at all. Shabbos friendly had good old fashioned keys (10-11 years ago)

Highstrung

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:21 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I remember sharing beds but it was like 2 full or queen beds a room so everyone got a lot of personal space. No one shared a twin thats a little weird.

I do remember girls choosing to double up in small camp beds at a school shabbaton but it wasn’t expected or the standard
But we did need to double up in full and queen beds for our graduation. I think I’m the only person who actually slept . The other girls were busy partying all night so I had the bed to myself

amother

Fern

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:26 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

to play devils advocate you were probably closer sitting next to the person on the bus, then you were sleeping. You just likely never shared a bed with anyone (which used to be very common for families).

honeymoon

Thu, Nov 02 2023, 2:28 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

As a very young kid, I didn't understand it either, it clicked with me a bit later. I'll never forget 2 girls having a good time in bed in front of others while the rest of us were in disbelief and quite frankly grossed out. These were not young girls...