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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
S/o . Sharing beds at a school shabbaton
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:49 am
Is this something common when you/your daughters go on School Shabbos or School Shabbaton.
That girls are expected to share a double bed or sleep on the floor?
I have never had such an experience and I was pretty surprised to hear that someone else thought it was standard.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:50 am
We had that on our graduation trip. It was in a hotel and we had to share double beds. It didn’t bother us much. Shabbatons we went to camps where we each got a tiny uncomfortable bed.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:51 am
I think it's not ok to expect anyone to share a bed with someone else. Not appropriate.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:51 am
keym wrote:
Is this something common when you/your daughters go on School Shabbos or School Shabbaton.
That girls are expected to share a double bed or sleep on the floor?
I have never had such an experience and I was pretty surprised to hear that someone else thought it was standard.


I shared a bed with my best friend at high school shabbaton.
There weren't enough beds and neither of us wanted to sleep on the floor/ fight for a bed.

Some girls said it was "against halacha".
We did it anyways because we knew it wasn't true.

I went to BYM
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honeymoon




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:53 am
I really hope it's not common. Totally inappropriate for teen girls.

When I was in camp we were constantly warned not to share beds ever. A girl who was caught in another girl's bed, even for innocent reasons, was dealt with very harshly.
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balance




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:53 am
I would not allow my daughter to join a trip on those conditions.
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amother
Broom


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:54 am
Yes we had this. I slept on the floor.‘I would never share a bed with anyone. I was horrified every year that that was my only option. We weren’t even offered rollaway beds.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:56 am
yes, this was assumed on almost every trip/shabbaton that I've been on (I was in school not to olong ago)
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:57 am
I remember sharing beds but it was like 2 full or queen beds a room so everyone got a lot of personal space. No one shared a twin thats a little weird.
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:58 am
amother NeonGreen wrote:
I shared a bed with my best friend at high school shabbaton.
There weren't enough beds and neither of us wanted to sleep on the floor/ fight for a bed.

Some girls said it was "against halacha".
We did it anyways because we knew it wasn't true.

I went to BYM


I'm pretty sure you are right and it's not against Halacha.
And I think it's a little nuts to think that any girls sharing a bed are doing something wrong.
At the same time, I think it's inappropriate to plan for things that way in a girl's shabbaton. There should be enough beds. Girls who are uncomfortable should not be in such a situation. I'm also thinking of the social ramifications to a girl who others wouldn't want to share a bed with. Lose lose situation, not good for anyone.

And I also went to BYM. Don't think we had Shabbatons in my day. School Shabbos, there were enough beds (or, thin mattresses....).
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8x




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:58 am
It was a very normal thing when I was a teen. The bed is big enough for two and you choose a friend to share with.
I discussed this with my teen boys though and they thought it's totally disgusting and inappropriate and said it would never ever would be done in a boys school/camp trip.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 7:58 am
This sounds off to me. I would not be ok with it as a mother.
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amother
Catmint


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:01 am
Eeewwww no way! Not ok.
We pay big money for school shabbatons, I expect them to at least provide a bed for everyone.
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:01 am
I can only speak for my time in high school, 17+ years ago (OOT BY).

Sharing a double bed “burrito style” (ie each girl wrapped in her own blanket, always back to back and often also with one girl’s head at the foot of the bed) was normal on school Shabbatons.

In seminary, sometimes two girls going away for Shabbos would share a wide pull-out bed.

Two girls were never expected to share a twin; only a bed wide enough to have space between them.

Some Shabbatons had a twin bed for every girl (going to a summer camp campus with bunk beds), and some had sleeping bags on the floor (and those were sometimes pretty tightly spaced).


Last edited by bigsis144 on Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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scruffy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:05 am
We had to share on graduation trip too and some trips in seminary. Larger beds.

I did it with a good friend it was less awkward.

I don't understand why the schools think it's ok from a safety perspective though.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:05 am
amother Oldlace wrote:
I'm pretty sure you are right and it's not against Halacha.
And I think it's a little nuts to think that any girls sharing a bed are doing something wrong.
At the same time, I think it's inappropriate to plan for things that way in a girl's shabbaton. There should be enough beds. Girls who are uncomfortable should not be in such a situation. I'm also thinking of the social ramifications to a girl who others wouldn't want to share a bed with. Lose lose situation, not good for anyone.

And I also went to BYM. Don't think we had Shabbatons in my day. School Shabbos, there were enough beds (or, thin mattresses....).


Of course it shouldn't be planned this way.
Yea, it was in town school shabbos, someone didn't count right, and Friday night when everyone was getting ready to sleep there was more girls than beds. So we shared, to minimize the drama. And yes it was even a blowup bed that we were sharing, not even a real bed.
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amother
Tomato


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:06 am
I would not be ok with it at all.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:07 am
My boys yeshiva had a shabbaton. Only siblings were allowed to share beds, they got the bigger beds. The school was going to bring blow up mattresses, the facility had enough rollaway beds.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:10 am
OP, do you mean twin beds or queen sized?
I went to BY Toronto and we shared queen beds on our retreat. I shared with a good friend, thought nothing of it. Not sure if they still do this anymore, it’s been ten years.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2023, 8:13 am
I honestly can’t remember what we did. I feel like maybe we shared queen beds but I really don’t remember it being a big deal so maybe we didn’t?
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