I let my baby cry it out today

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:19 pm

Please no one make me feel more guilty than I already feel, I feel like an awful mommy. My 18 mo baby didn't want to nap and I was just losing it. I had tried an hour earlier and she was crying and I took her out. I let her play for another hour and I just couldn't handle it anymore so I put her in the crib and she cried for about 20 min before going to sleep Crying

Usually I don't let her cry for more than 2-3 minutes before going in to calm her but I wasn't in a good place. She was so needy all morning and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I know I shouldn't have done what I did.. Can anyone make me feel a bit better?

hodeez

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:21 pm

I've done it too and felt horrible after. This is unfortunately how it is sometimes, important to recoup and do what you can to prevent it from becoming a habit. Good luck I'm sure you're an excellent mom who just needs a break

amother

Mauve

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:22 pm

Your baby also needs a functional mother who doesn't yell at her. If this is what it takes, and it's at a time when she needs a nap, do it.

amf

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:25 pm

I've done it also, especially when I knew she was really tired and NEEDED that nap (and I needed the break...)
I made sure to be fully 'on' and recharged when she woke up and gave her extra hugs and attention

mushkamothers

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:26 pm

At 18 months, letting an overtired toddler (Yes toddler not baby) cry for 20 minutes is really not "crying it out"

amother

Yellow

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:26 pm

As long as it's not a regular thing and doesn't become habit, and you know it's wrong.
Maybe send her to a sitter for afew hours a day if you can't handle her. It's not her fault that you don't have patience or energy for her.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:30 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

At 18 months, letting an overtired toddler (Yes toddler not baby) cry for 20 minutes is really not "crying it out"

I agree. I've definitely done this. I keep them in a crib as long as I can so it's a little disappointing when I can no longer put in an obviously exhausted child for a nap and walk away.

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:33 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

As long as it's a one time mistake and doesn't become habit, and you know it's wrong.
Maybe send her or a sitter for afew hours a day if you can't handle her. It's not her fault that you don't have patience or energy for her.

what the literal h***

amother

Yellow

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

what the literal h***

As long as it's not a regular thing that OP is losing it from her daughter & can't handle it anymore, then it's ok what happened. But if it's a regular thing that OP is losing it and can't handle it anymore because her daughter doesn't nap, then OP needs to look in to other options. If the baby goes to a sitter for afew hours, OP can get a break, take a nap, and have more energy to care for the baby.

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:39 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

she put the baby in so she shouldn’t lose it. What she did was not a mistake. And also there’s no sitters on Sunday generally. Basically your post is not helpful and just doesn’t make sense

amother

Cerise

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:40 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

I think you misunderstood the OP. Her toddler was needy because she needed a nap. Mom was snapping because the neediness and crankiness was driving her crazy, not the other way around. Forcing said toddler to take the nap will break the vicious cycle and create a calm baby so the mother can also function.

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:44 pm

hodeez wrote:

Thank you this is such a calming post

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:44 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

At 18 months, letting an overtired toddler (Yes toddler not baby) cry for 20 minutes is really not "crying it out"

Even if she was crying really hard?

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:45 pm

amother Cerise wrote:

Yes thank you you understood the situation!

amother

Cerise

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes thank you you understood the situation!

BTDT. Don't let anyone guilt you into questioning your mothering abilities. You're doing fine.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:55 pm

In my opinion an 18 month old is crying by nap time because she is fighting the nap and rather play

amother

Yellow

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:56 pm

amother Cerise wrote:

Oh, this isn't what CIO means. Kids may be extra cranky today because of the time change.
(OP said that she wasn't in a good place, which made me think that it's a regular occurrence that she's losing it from her baby and cannot handle it. Hope I'm wrong.)

mushkamothers

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 12:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even if she was crying really hard?

It was probably also from exhaustion. Not abandonment.
These things happen, this is life. You have a lot of leeway here (especially at 18m) attachment wise if that's what you're worried about.
You give extra loving attention when she wakes up and you keep an eye on the clock for next time

amother

Garnet

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:21 pm

Curious, do any mothers leave toys in their 18 month old cribs so child does have opportunity to play and then fall asleep when their too conked?

amother

Yellow

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:24 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

Curious, do any mothers leave toys in their 18 month old cribs so child does have opportunity to play and then fall asleep when their too conked?

Yes.