Moving abroad with school aged children

amother

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:00 am

Has anyone done this? How did it work out for you all?

Objectively, we would have a better life if we moved, but that doesn't take into account the effect it would have on the kids. I am particularly worried about issues like bullying at school. Oldest child is 11 and just started middle school. She is very bright but is being crushed by the intensive school system here. However, her school life is good, she is very well liked and has lots of friends. She would thrive and be happy with the school system in the new place, but I'm afraid she would be prone to bullying because of her differences due to growing up in a different place/ culture.

I have similar worried for my 9 year old who I think would come across as very naive.

My younger ones I know would adapt very quickly so I'm not worried about them but I'm worried this could break my oldest.

I'd also be interested in hearing from people who moved to a new community with school aged children, even if it wasn't abroad.

twizzlers1

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 8:02 am

You are posting anonymously so I’m not sure why are you are being so vague I think that you would get more specific answers if you said from what country so what country you are moving. Because I think it’s definitely location dependent. I did move from America to Israel and the kids were little, but my oldest was seven at the time and we moved to RBS, which has it many many English speakers. I really think that we can help you much more if you can give us a drop more information.

amother

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 1:39 pm

Thanks to those who replied with their experiences. We currently live in a fairly small community and if I posted from where and to where the move would be it would be obvious who I am. I also know of only one family who made this specific move but their situation is different because they were from a different country of origin and the children also did not speak the language of the new place.

I'm not looking for advice on what it's like to move to that particular country but rather what it's like to move to a new place with kids. I think the main issues are the same no matter where you're moving from and to. How did the family, especially school aged kids adapt? Did you anticipate any problems that didn't end up being an issue or were there any difficulties you didn't expect?

amother Starflower wrote:

I don’t recommend it. I was 12 when we moved. It was a very critical age. I went from being popular and happy to having no friends, being bullied, depressed and suicidal until I graduated high school. Seminary quite literally saved my life.

What were you bullied about? Did you move to a different country? If so, were there issues with the language?

amother wrote:

moved when was 14 and it was the worst thing. was miserable and there are a lot of long-standing side effects. would highly advise against it. BH my life worked out but my relationship with my parents is not the best and that is highly due to the move

What problems did you have in the new place and what were the side effects?

amother

Starflower

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 1:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I did move countries. An English speaking country but with an accent. I lived in a smaller more insular community and then moved to NY. In my hometown, everyone got along with everyone. I came to NY and cliques were a thing. You had to have brand name stuff - I was practically a country bumpkin in comparison. If you didn’t dress, talk, or do things in certain way then you were a nerd and no one wanted to be friends with you. I was bullied for my clothing and not fitting in to the cookie cutter standards.

The school was also of no help. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks with a lung problem and not a single person from my grade or teacher called to find out why I was out. Only the school secretary kept calling to make sure I was ok. They didn’t care that I was being bullied and offered no support or even advice.

My old school had been extremely advanced in secular subjects but was much more behind in Hebrew subjects. There was no one to help me catch up on lost material. And my grades never recovered.

amother

Starflower

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 1:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

My older sister had a much easier time but that was for 2 reasons a) we moved when her age group was starting HS so many girls were new girls and everyone was looking to make new friends and b) she went to camp for the two summers before the move with girls that mainly would go to the HS she ended up in. So she already had friends once we moved there

amother

Beige

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 2:17 pm

A lot of the adjustment will depend on the community you're moving to. A warm and welcoming community where the school is going to be supportive and your child will thrive, you're likely to settle in better.
Also will there be a language barrier, and a different school system? It's going to be much harder for a child to switch schools if that's the case.
I switched schools when I was 9 and this was local. But they had different curriculums, so all the girls in my new class had already covered material that I hadn't, which put me behind and I struggled to adjust.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 2:26 pm

We moved from an out of town community overseas to big new york community when I was 11. I remember being very excited. Don't even remember being concerned about new school and all even though I was leaving behind a bunch of friends and neighbors. I spoke english but it was still a bit of an adjustment. Americans just spoke SO fast!! Didn't have hard time making friends even though I'm on shyer end. Overall only have positive memories of the move. I think it very much depends on your child's personality. In general my siblings and I adapt easily to changes and difficulties so its possible thats why we just flowed with it.

amother

Birch

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 5:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I moved at 14 which is a really hard year to move, I know some girls who also moved at 14 and they were fine it depends on the kid. But if you have even the smallest inkling that she will be bullied why risk it? Making a kid leave her friends and start over is hard. My family moved when my sister was 8 but all she spoke about was her friends at her bas mitzvah... your daughter is 11. All I know is that I had an awful experience and wouldn't wish it on any kid