Wedding plus expenses budgeting

amother

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 12:03 am

Bh dd is a Kallah! Now with a whirlwind of preparations, there is so much to buy! I know everyone spends differently, but I’d love an idea of what things should cost, midrange. Means we’re not going super high end, but I’m not going to Gemachs for gowns and making a takana wedding, I’m somewhere in between. It’s my first wedding so I’m clueless what things should cost. Like when I walk into a linen store I know not to just get that $2,000 set that they are trying to sell. I know I can get a great set for a fraction of that. But with gowns and stuff I’m new. I wat to get an idea of what things cost.

Is there any thread with general ideas of lists of things and estimated costs?

Things I have so far

Chassan gifts:
Watch
Megillah
Machzorim
Kitten and stuff before wedding
Menorah

Wedding hall
Photographer
Party planner
Flowers
Music
Singer

3, or 4? Wigs
Sheva brachas clothing, shoes, etc
Kallah gown I’d love to rent, first time wearer
My gown and
Siblings gowns, I’d also like to rent first time wearers

Clothing for me and siblings sheva brachas

Hair and makeup by wedding
Other shopping Kallah needs like snoods, underwear, tights, pjs/nightwear, shoes, a few nicer weekday clothing

Shabbos sheva brachas
Hair and makeup
Hall plus food
Flowers
Gifts for neighbors hosting my guests
Packages for guests with water, schedule, etc.

Apartment setup
Dishes
Cutlery
Pots
Linen
Towels
Hangers
Other stuff

Any master list out there for first time mother of brides with costs?

amother

Hunter

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 1:15 am

I’m in Israel so can’t really hot much. I’m guessing that you are not. But wow 3 to 4 wigs. Sounds like an awful lot to me. Especially at the beginning when she’s not sure what she’s going to wear I bought one regular awake and one fall and I told her I will buy her one more when she really knows what she wants. That 3 to 4 to start with sounds like an awful lot.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 1:23 am

I don’t know what circles you’re part of, but in my yeshivish circles we don’t give megillah and machzorim, we do give cuff links and becher. And chosson shas.

Also regarding the hall, in my circles it’s common for the chosson to cover FLOP-flowers, liquor, orchestra, and photographer. Also many halls come with packages-you speak to the caterer, you don’t necessarily need a party planner. If you’re having a big shabbos sheva brachos you might want to hire one for that.

Also agree about getting less wigs in the beginning-better to get 2, let her get used to them, figure out what she likes, and then get another one later.

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 10:39 am

I think a lot of this is community dependent. Most of your chosson gifts I've never heard of as a must give. Watch, tallis, shas I've heard of. Megilla and menorah I don't think is as common.
And there's all different levels. You can buy top end stuff for the apartment, cheaper or middle way. It depends on your budget. And we all class things differently. To me a $200 linen set is expensive.
We also just rented gowns, but we weren't bothered about whether we were first time wearers. It was whatever they had in the sizes we wanted and we liked the look of.
Wigs, most people I know get 2 wigs. You don't know what you're going to like or need. I would add another wig at a later stage if needed.
Your best bet is to find a friend or someone who you know who has made a wedding recently and is likely to have had a similar budget to you. Then you can ask all your questions to someone who will understand.
Mazel tov! Hope all your preparations go smoothly.

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 11:22 am

You need to know your financial ability first.
I too would have loved to provide my daughter and her sisters (and myself) with new gowns, or high end rentals.

The budget for what you are putting out is easily a range from $30K -$75K+

Please don’t let anyone convince you, that it’s less than 30K.
We are a Kodesh family in a very tight budget. We did maybe 25% of what you are asking about, and it was close to that just for kallahs expenses.
We split the vort and wedding 50/50.

We did gemachs, and more gemachs, and did not host Sheva Brachos. (SIL is from across the country and his parents wanted to host, and while at first I was upset, when I realized I was saving myself thousands of dollars, we said, sure. Go ahead.)

Know your financial ability, BEFORE you decide the style Simcha you are making
Be true to yourself and your child or you will end up in enormous debt.

amother

Freesia

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Holly wrote:

Whatever you do, definitely dont follow the budget in the Voice of Lakewood simcha section this past week! LOL

Is it online or can someone post it?

Op you’re easily headed to 200k. (My parents spent roughly that on a similar list, no megilla/ menorah cuz we weren’t engaged over those, got them over the years that followed.) my parents didn’t set up our apt or furniture really cuz we went to israel so it doesn’t include that stuff.

Also, are you planning to support/ have other kids to marry off soon?

I would sit with my husband and come up with a realistic budget (even if super generous) so I know what’s to work with.

Ppl don’t realize how much things cost, maybe weddings the flowers are in the 30-80k range.

Also 4 wigs is just ridiculous unless you have special stuff (I know there’s ppl that wear covered Friday night?). I got 2 high end and one fall.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 12:46 pm

Op there are needs and wants.
Figure out how much you can afford to spend, with savings/loans or however you plan on paying for this wedding....

That's how much you'll be spending! Wink

Literally everything you mentioned can be expensive or cheaper. Some things are important to you, some are important to me! You'll spend more on things that are a priority "for you" and less on the rest!

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 1:57 pm

UQT wrote:

You’re looking at $125k plus wedding and that’s if you are careful. Otherwise you’ll blow past $200k easily. My friends who are careful and do the Takana, gemach, TDL route tell me it’s close to $80k now I made a wedding two years ago bh and the prices were much lower but with inflation the numbers are out of control.

I recently made a wedding the takanah/gemach route, with a focus on spending more on long-term items, and less on short-term. We spent approximately 50K.

I do think OP's circles is important. Chassidish vs. yeshivish weddings will be totally different.

amother

Fern

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 5:14 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Would love to see a breakdown!
Just gifts for kallah and wedding night are going to equal almost that. And that’s before house set up and furniture…
The wedding hall (pretty basic tiferes rivka in bp) is $22,000 plus another $4000 for music and photographer for the night. Plus badchan, mashgiach coat room….. so it will be about $15,000 each side just for that without gowns sheitels hair….

amother

Brown

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 6:51 pm

I can't help with actual numbers but for wigs I suggest starting with 3. 1 high end, 1 mid range/ cheaper and something like a fall/pony. She has no idea what she likes yet and starting with 3 different types will help her figure out what she likes.

Also, keep in mind what sorts of things last a long time and what don't. Many of my household items I hope to still use for a long time but other items really aren't that long term. Even furniture is not necessarily so long term. Styles change and as they move they may get new furniture to fit their new place.

amother

DarkGreen

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bh dd is a Kallah! Now with a whirlwind of preparations, there is so much to buy! I know everyone spends differently, but I’d love an idea of what things should cost, midrange. Means we’re not going super high end, but I’m not going to Gemachs for gowns and making a takana wedding, I’m somewhere in between. It’s my first wedding so I’m clueless what things should cost. Like when I walk into a linen store I know not to just get that $2,000 set that they are trying to sell. I know I can get a great set for a fraction of that. But with gowns and stuff I’m new. I wat to get an idea of what things cost.

Is there any thread with general ideas of lists of things and estimated costs?

Things I have so far

Chassan gifts:
Watch- 5k
Megillah- 2k ( we got a very expensive one from a sofer in EY)
Machzorim- dont remember
Kitten and stuff before wedding- 2500
Menorah- sale in hazorfim about 2k
Becher- 1k
Esrog pushka- 1500

Wedding hall
Photographer- 6500
Flowers- 6k
Musi and singer 5k

3, or 4? Wigs- definitely start with just 3 wigs, 1 high end, middle, one cheap
Sheva brachas clothing, shoes, etc- about 5k
Kallah gown I’d love to rent, first time wearer
My gown and 4-5k
Siblings gowns, I’d also like to rent first time wearers- each about 1500

Clothing for me and siblings sheva brachas- 5k

Hair and makeup by wedding- 1500 hair, 1500 makeup
Other shopping Kallah needs like snoods, underwear, tights, pjs/nightwear, shoes, a few nicer weekday clothing- 2k

Shabbos sheva brachas - hall, food,6k
Hair and makeup- only kallah and mom so about 300
Flowers- 300
Gifts for neighbors hosting my guests
Packages for guests with water, schedule, etc.
custom about 3-400, if you do yourself 200

Apartment setup
Dishes- 2 full sets , 800
Cutlery 200
Pots 400
Linen 3 sets, 1500-2000
Towels 500
Hangers 50
Other stuff- household order 2000

Any master list out there for first time mother of brides with costs?

Chassidish
This is what I remember spending for dd about 4 yrs ago

amother

Heather

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:06 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Re under 30K wedding, I realize this is not the norm but I got married 6 years ago and my parents spent about 10K on the wedding itself (package deal/takanah type of thing) and probably another 5-7k on other expenses. Granted I was the last kid to get married (so they weren’t paying for other siblings gowns/suits) and they didn’t pay for my expenses of gown, makeup, setting up apt etc. (I was an independent, working adult). But I did have 2 showers (friends and then my mother’s friends) which bh took care of most of our starter household goods.

Oh and various friends hosted a small, simple, (but perfect for us) shabbos sheva brachos.

amother

Fern

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:16 pm

amother Heather wrote:

We need a big enough hall since we have a few very large families. And there were no takanah nights available unless we would be willing to wait at least 10 months.