DS has no friends 😥

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 10:34 am

Ds was diagnosed with (very slight) ASD and then ADHD. He is around 3 years below his age level in terms of communication, interests, and play.
I'm totally ok with him being friends with younger boys. But even these younger immature boys aren't interested in him.
I feel so bad for him.
He's very very socially motivated. He always wants to play with boys. And on my block of tons of boys he has no one to play with.
Whenever boys were here playing and I observed they looked ok. The boys looked happy and engaged. And when I said ok its time to go home they stayed till I actually put my foot down firmly.
But none of them will ever call my son.
And they stopped answering his calls.

He is who he is. But why are even younger friendships not working out for him?

amother

Valerian

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 1:39 am

My daughter is 4 and because of developmental delays we have this also. It's so hard!
Does anyone in your community do social skills groups?
Is he in a mainstream school? Maybe they can help

mirror

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 2:02 am

My friend's dd had the same issue with friends (different diagnosis) when she was in a mainstream school. When she put her into a special education school, suddenly her dd had a lot more friends, despite the fact that the girls were all on different levels academically.

myname1

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 4:24 am

I don't think looking for younger friendships is the way to go. Mothers especially would be wary of helping their 5 year old be friends with an 8 year old, even if they're on the same level. Sorry though, that's really hard Sad

Is there no other boy a little "immature" in your area? Can you sign him up for a club or something to help him not be so lonely and maybe he'll even make friends there with similar interests?

amother

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 7:49 am

amother Mulberry wrote:

No advice… I just want to give you a giant hug as a fellow mom with a similar situation ❤️❤️

Thank you. It's so painful 💔
Any ideas to make the situation better?

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 8:02 am

There is a boys school in Lakewood that deals with this exact issue. Boys that are okay academically but lacking in social nuances.
There is a real need for a program like this…

My son is a lot older and was somewhat similar to your son. He was not good in sports which is a status quo for boys. So that separated him even more. He seemed musically inclined so we got him keyboard lessons. He eventually excelled in playing keyboard and it made him very popular. He was always asked to bring in his keyboard/speaker for a class siyum or shul melava malka.

Maybe you can find something your son could possibly excel in or at least enjoy?

Also, therapy that focuses on social skills can be a great benefit. Don’t just go to anyone. Make sure the therapist has a good success rate.

amother

Tomato

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 8:04 am

He needs to be taught social skills. I have 2 kids on the spectrum with adhd. What comes naturally to everyone else needs to be taught to kids with social struggles. My daughter is 12. It took a full year of workshops but she is making progress. My 7 year old has aba.

amother

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 8:19 am

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

I'm in Brooklyn.
Excellent idea but I don't know what he's inclined to in terms of talent. He has very limited play interests.

He's in therapy but I don't see it doing much. She was recommended by Relief. But it's going very very slow. Maybe also because he only goes bi weekly.

Can kids lacking social nuance even be taught it?
Can anyone recommend a therapist who helped- Brooklyn?
He's 10.

amother

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 8:20 am

amother Tomato wrote:

We tried aba but it did absolutely nothing. Maybe the Paras weren't good.
What kind of workshops did she do?

amother

Tomato

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 9:04 am

amother OP wrote:

We tried aba but it did absolutely nothing. Maybe the Paras weren't good.
What kind of workshops did she do?

She is in sinai in ycq (yeshiva central queens) and they do daily workshops with role playing. I believe daily is needed at least at first. In terms of aba: we used encore. Is your child getting speech? That might be needed as well. Many children with social struggles get speech therapy. There is often a processing issue that requires speech therapy.

amother

Amber

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 9:27 am

I second aba is there a way to get one to come to your home to help with social? Yeshivah would be a stigma for him. Although of hes so socially of he and a boy heay not care.. I'm familiar of a girl that comes to people's homes.

You have this person over that comes with cool stuff. Invite one of the younger boys over. Because it's easy to teach that way and less intimidating, see what the issue is without mixing in. Then fix one problem at a time. Suppose he has limited interest. That's a problem, Therapist will bring his interest into a new interest. So if he likes to play with cars but hates games the aba will first bring out a car game. And both boys will be rewarded when done. Then he will bring out a different game and so on.

However you go about aba Its hard finding men thqt are qualified if your chassidish for aba try to get someone that good and qualified. Don't look at their Yiddish or chasidish. He's a big boy you need someone good and qualified.

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Nov 15 2023, 9:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you. It's so painful 💔
Any ideas to make the situation better?

My son is a bit younger than yours and doesn’t even realize that he has no friends which makes it easier in a sense but also more painful that he is that off that he doesn’t even realize it. We model social interactions and appropriate responses during play and therapy. It’s incredibly painful and it’s not something you can talk about much either. Hug