Chosson's mother told me this

Persevere

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:04 am

amother OP wrote:

Oh, it was 100% said in a way that no one should wear those colors.

Do they seem mentally healthy overall?

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:16 am

It’s possible the chosson doesn’t care.

Regardless, just don’t stress. It’s not incumbent on you and even if it may be on the Kallah, they aren’t married yet.

Chayalle

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:27 am

librarygirl wrote:

what to do about your daughter I have no idea.

Consult your Daas Torah. To be honest, I would be very concerned if I heard of something bizarre being pushed on my child by a MIL. I would want to know how that would play out, and it there's anything else....

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:34 am

Yeah, this is a bit concerning. Check that it's not the tip of the iceberg and there are not going to be a load of more "minhagim" for your dd to have to deal with.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:37 am

Highstrung wrote:

I’m wondering if this minhag came from a Bubby who’s DH thought she didn’t look great in pink , purple and black and the next generations took this on as a minhag since their Bubby scoffed at those colors 🤔.
OP, please get to the source of the minhag and kallah should find out from her chassan whether he will be makpid with this?

I was thinking exactly the same as I was reading the thread

amother

Ghostwhite

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:42 am

Are these the people that wanted the Simcha’s in their town?

Does your daughters chosson have a rav?

Realize that the way she talks and ‘handles’ you may very soon how she interacts with your daughter. Proceed with caution.

I say this as someone in a bh happy marriage that has a good relationship with my in-laws because we had a lot a lot of hadracha. We moved far away and maintained boundaries, respectfully ignored their tantrums etc.

Good luck!

amother

DarkKhaki

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:44 am

to me it sounds like they like to have everyone in matching color themes by simchos, and since boys wont wear pink or purple, and black isnt a "color" for a theme, here is the result. a family mishegas, not a minhag.

amother

Lightcoral

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:49 am

I wouldn't worry about what had been accepted for your dd at this point- we don't know what her chosson is saying/will say about this.

My opinion- if there is a specific sheva brachos being hosted directly by their family, like by his siblings, I would be respectful and wear something else (if you already own such a thing and would be happy to wear it to a sheva brachos.) For all of the others, including those by their family friends, wear what you like. This doesn't obligate you in anything for the future, but does set a nice tone at the very beginning. You may show up and find that half the family doesn't care.

amother

Jade

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:53 am

So so curious about the circles you run in and from what part of the world.

Ive never heard of this. And wondering why she told you. And not chosson to dd?

amother

Cantaloupe

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:57 am

I don’t mean to be disrespectful of people’s minhagim, but can I please speak to this woman? Just give me 10 minutes.

Is red acceptable? You said Black, pink , purple. Is red so obvious not OK or is it fine? What about cranberry or burgundy?
Is blush pink? Where is the line between a very light blush and cream? Why is orange OK? What about lavender or periwinkle?Periwinkle usually leans blue, but is still technically a purple. Where is the line drawn?

How does you look in mustard?

amother

Cantaloupe

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:58 am

amother Jade wrote:

So so curious about the circles you run in and from what part of the world.

Ive never heard of this. And wondering why she told you. And not chosson to dd?

I still think he doesn’t have a clue.

amother

Gladiolus

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 10:59 am

She sounds mentally ill. I’d ignore everything she says. And make sure your daughter is prepped to ignore most of her nonsense too.

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 12:08 pm

I think its more common among sfardim to not wear black gowns to weddings, judging from my experience with gown gemachs. Idk if its a "minhag" or not, just what I maybe noticed.

Maybe the pink/purple is for the men's ties?

Idk, I would ask for more information, maybe she just wants whatever color picked for the wedding to not be those so you will all be coordinating because your dd and you really pick "the color".

amother

Moccasin

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 1:40 pm

So the chossen suit and hat may also not be black? How does this work exactly.

amother

Arcticblue

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 1:44 pm

since you are the one wearing it then it is fine and completely irrelevant
mazel tov!!!

amother

Pansy

Fri, Nov 24 2023, 2:20 pm

Never mind the norm, common sense indicates that when a minhag pertains only to the women she should follow HER family’s custom. As seen with Mikvah and candle lighting. He should stick to minhagim that pertain to him. Minhagim that pertain to both should IMO be discussed respectfully between husband and wife.

The overall rule that you go with the husbands minhag is ridiculous.

amother

Cherry

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:37 am

Sounds a little (lot) ridiculous. Especially since black is the color in our world. Don’t have advice to give. Just feel bad for you, OP. And hoping your daughter won’t be subject to other minhagim that are from left field. Sad

amother

Blushpink

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 7:52 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

I think its more common among sfardim to not wear black gowns to weddings, judging from my experience with gown gemachs. Idk if its a "minhag" or not, just what I maybe noticed.
.

I have no idea if this is true or not, but the sfardim I know all wear black to weddings