S/O babysitters | Imamother

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Nov 28 2023, 10:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

If leaving a baby for 2 days in their own environment is going to cause life long tramau how does everyone justify sending 6 week old babies to babysitters? I'm assuming in their concept of time the mother is gone forever.

The premise and assumption of your question (significant trauma for leaving an 11 month old for 2 days in his home under the care of family, baby thinking the Mother is gone forever...) is obviously debatable and each child, each situation has to be judged, and monitored individually.

Am I sensing some judgement in your post? Please know each situation is individual and you may not know the details. In general we trust that parents have the best interest of their child and get guidance when necessary.

newinbp

Wed, Nov 29 2023, 4:23 pm

amother Hyssop wrote:

I don't have a job, I run my own business. I often wake up at 4 to get a few hours in before kids are up.
Baby wasn't on my lap all day. Naps, playing nearby, etc.
My husband works from home as well so he pitched in a bit too. But I never had a nanny or cleaning lady help with childcare.
Honestly I rarely left the house those years. I skipped many simchos or took baby along ( I sure did leave the older kids at home with my husband and or teenagers) or just went for a few minutes. I did all groceries and shopping online. Most appointments would be OK to take a baby along. Like I said my kids have excellent health so not too many appointments bh.
I am not here to make anyone feel guilty. My point is that perhaps if more effort earlier means an easier time later, it's a very worthwhile tradeoff. If I did it six times and I was always a working mother as well, it's doable. Not easy, but choose your hard.

I’m so happy this all worked out for you, and I understand you extended incredible effort to make this happen.
At the same time I think it would be appropriate to be sensitive about cause and effect. Another parent could do the exact same, and their kids may be more chutzpadik, wild, inappropriate, or not be in as excellent health ch”v as you wrote that all your kids BH are good in all these areas. It may seem that’s from your sacrifices earlier on, and no doubt it all helped. But ultimately Hashem runs the world and there r no guarantees.

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, Nov 29 2023, 4:46 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

I don't think the first day is a trauma for a newborn. It's not for 24 hours. It's for afew hours. Newborns don't get traumatized if someone other than their mother takes care of them for a couple of hours a day. A sitter caring for them for afew hours a day, is no different to the baby than a sibling or other relative caring for them for afew hours a day.

Do more research. They definitely do get traumatized. Until a certain age babies feel as they are one with their mother. It’s only when they are older that they realize they are their own person. They need to be close to mama always. Especially in the beginning. To them the mother is never coming back when they leave.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Nov 29 2023, 5:50 pm

I still remember my mother leaving the house when I was 5 and crying, I was at home with my father, I must be traumatized from it.
ALL dear Imas on here we must stay with our kids from the minute they are born until they are wed.
forget about working out the house, mental well being and anything you cant do without your kids coming (including mikvah in the winter)
We gave birth to them we have to deal with the consequences.

The above is how the people who say we cant send to babysitters or go on a mental/marriage vacation if we have kids sounds like.

We are humans we have to live, some people can work from home, some cant. some can manage to be 24/7 with their children and be great mothers and some people can not.
Please dont judge anyone on their parenting and working/sahm choices (by most it isnt a choice but a given).

I was a work from home mother so kept my kid at home with me. it was the main cause of me losing my job.
I am now a babysitter but I have sent my nearly 2 year old to a different playgroup. she was getting 'traumatized' from having other children use her chair/toys/being with her mother. it was great when she was younger but not an option now. Im grateful I have the option for this job but most people dont, and if they would try I would never send my kids to them.

amother

Camellia

Wed, Nov 29 2023, 6:46 pm

Yes definitely trauma. I felt horrible leaving my baby behind when me and my DH went on vacation following a mc. I really wanted to bring Dc with me but I’d didn’t work so was about 6 months old left with aunts and uncles and grandparents.
I did emotion code for him and when fear of abandonment came up I knew this is where it came from.