Officially losing it- kids won’t sleep

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:50 pm

Routine, threats, bribes, hours and hours NOTHING GETS THESE KIDS TO SLEEP. It’s ruining my life and my ability to parent.

My kids are 5 and 3, they aren’t falling asleep before 9 pm. Bedtime starts 7 currently with a bath.

I don’t have time to make phone calls or decompress or eat dinner in peace or go on the treadmill or ANYTHING.

It’s come to the point where I don’t know what to do. I’m out of ideas.

amother

Hibiscus

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:52 pm

Bath starts at 7? That sounds kind of late for that age. It's possible that they're getting a second wind that's making them stay up later. I would aim for in bed by 7.

amother

Latte

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:52 pm

Don’t focus on the sleep. What’s preventing them from staying in bed?
This has been a huge issue for my kids too. And it absolutely eats at the quality of my life.

amother

Oak

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:54 pm

Wow this is literally us word for word!
I'm currently on the couch while my husband is in the room with them because I was losing it.
It's really ruining our lives. I'm so exhausted by the time they're finally sleeping that I just crash and fall asleep too.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! Major hugs!

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:04 pm

amother Oak wrote:

My husband is never home for bedtime except shabbos. So it’s just me and if I’m losing it I just lose it. No backup.

I feel like it undermines my ability to connect and parent during the day also, I’m so resentful and tired and feel sucked dry. And for my kids as much as I try I get so mean when it’s late.

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:05 pm

amother Latte wrote:

Don’t focus on the sleep. What’s preventing them from staying in bed?
This has been a huge issue for my kids too. And it absolutely eats at the quality of my life.

They are little but not in cribs. What’s keeping them in bed if they are not sleeping? I’ve tried charts/ bribes and threats. Doesn’t work.

amother

Oak

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ugh I feel you I'm so sorry!!
And that's so tough that your husband is never home then!
For my husband it's unpredictable.
Tonight I called him and begged him to come home already because I was losing it and falling asleep myself. He'll have to daven maariv later.

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:08 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Bath starts at 7? That sounds kind of late for that age. It's possible that they're getting a second wind that's making them stay up later. I would aim for in bed by 7.

It’s more like 645 actually. They’re in bed by 7:15/30. They have never fallen asleep earlier, ever. Not for lack of trying (we tried shifting earlier with the clock change etc.) if I put them in earlier they just lay and get frustrated and then have a second wind.they wake up around 7/ 7:30 am naturally as well so it makes sense to me.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:09 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

Same. Melatonin saved my life

Same. I know some people are against it but to me it's worth it. Changed everything for me. Rather the small risk of taking 1mg melatonin to the big risk of messing up my kids bec they won't sleep (and the effect it was having on me and my parenting)

amother

Bone

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:11 pm

Maybe put them in a little later? My kids are early risers but I never put them in before 8 or they wouldn't fall asleep. However, there ias never any coming out of the bed bh. They can lay in bed until they fall asleep but they know not to come out. Would it help them to look at books? Listen to story tapes?

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:12 pm

Yes I would recommend starting bath time earlier so you can get them in bed earlier.
Maybe try night light? Soft music/noise machine? Or even let them play or hold a little toy in bed to incentivize them to stay in bed and hopefully fall asleep?

My issue is with kids a little older who have HW.. we eat around 6. HW can take up to 45 min or longer and it’s a constant juggle between HW with big kids + trying to get little kids in bath/bed and keep them in bed while big kids shower … and then next thing I know it’s 830 and everyone wants a turn with me saying shema, laying with them. And sometimes younger kids still up too. I feel bad saying I’m burnt out but my nights feel endless and it’s sapping me of energy and patience Crying

amother

Mintgreen

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:16 pm

Sleepy from bioray
Magnesium footsoaks
Diffuse calming essential oils
Eliminate sugar, msg and other inflammatory foods from their diet.

amother

Clover

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:25 pm

Turn all the lights off in the house. Don’t speak to them once you say goodnight. They come out you take their hand and firmly walk them back to bed. Over and over again without a word. When they start staying in their room you make a huge deal about it the next morning.

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:55 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Do you sit in the room with them? My kids don't try much when I'm sitting right there.

Yes. They run off the bed, jump, etc. I tried physically patting/ holding gently. Nothing works until they decide they are ready to sleep and they conk out.

amother

Daffodil

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:57 pm

Why are you staying in the room? Close the light, close the door, leave the room. When they’re tired they’ll fall asleep. And maybe if they see you ‘caring’ less they won’t fight it

(I’ve never ever stayed in room till kid falls asleep so maybe the concept is lost on me)

giftedmom

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:15 pm

Some kids just need less sleep. If they consistently go to sleep by 9 and wake up by themselves I’d just push their bedtime.
I know, I know, I remember those days when the kids were little and I thought I needed all of that time to myself.
Things got better when they learned to read so they had an incentive to stay in bed.
Nowadays with my oldest only going to sleep when I go to sleep, I’m chilled about the younger ones and life is definitely easier when I’m not so uptight about a specific bedtime.