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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:31 pm
Would you consider homeschooling a 13 yr old boy if you knew he’s being bullied by his rebbeim all year and there are no other options of an elementary school to send him to for the rest of the year ?
Next year is mesivta and there are more options and possibilities to cater to him.
He's constantly picked on and kicked out of class or sent home for things like using the bathroom for what they consider “too long” , or for showing up to shacharis late because his bus came late , etc?
He has learning issues and has private tutors .
The menahelim (there are two) are allowing the rebbeim to have the power and let them make whatever decision they want to regarding kicking him out. I guess this makes it easy for them to be off the hook when we say this is not ok.
He’s sent home at least once or twice a week.
The menahel even told my DH that the school works like Sedom and that they try to squeeze and push every boy into the same box regardless of whether they can or can’t fit.
My DH went to a rav in the community yesterday , who knows us well and when the rav heard what’s going on he said this is not ok and we should pull him out . But when asked where to send he said , that’s a good question and he was stumped just like we are.
I’m afraid this can do permanent damage the more my DS gets beaten down just because he struggles with learning and so the rebbeim pick on him in crazy ways. I would feel he’d be safer at home , tutored for an hour a day but then he’d have no social life .
DS said he has lots of friends in school and that being home would be hard .
I’m tearing my hair out and not sure what to do.
The mama bear in me wants to just keep him home. Wish I knew what’s best.
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amother
Seafoam
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:33 pm
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This situation sounds horrible and yes I would probably homeschool. Can he get together with his friends on shabbos or in the evenings? So sad that there isn't a better option for your child.
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amother
Oldlace
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:37 pm
I feel you.
I often wish I could homeschool all of my children (different ages and genders). They don’t have learning issues but the schools we send to (chassidish) are so rigid and systematic. I just want to hold m6 kids tight with me forever. Unfortunately I know it’s not realistic.
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amother
Lightyellow
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:38 pm
It's hard to fully grasp the situation from 1 post. I'm really sorry op, this all must be really hard.
Will the mesivta be ok with him coming from being homeschooling? Will his Tudors be able to continue at home? Are you capable of teaching him sufficiently as to not be behind for next year? Have you absolutely maximized your advocating power at the current school? Hashem should give you clarity asap.
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amother
Daphne
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:39 pm
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Being home is safe. Being in school is not safe. What's the question? Yes I would pull out, or move.
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mha3484
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:40 pm
I would consider it if I can set up a good schedule for him. Finding avreichim to learn with him, a secular studies program. Ideally he should be out of the house as much as he can. You need to make it very structured. The worst feeling is to sit around all day not feeling accomplished. It can tank your self esteem.
Also I would be concerned about getting into mesivta when he left school halfway through the year.
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amother
Cinnamon
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:43 pm
To avoid any stigma, would the school be willing to work with you to maintain his enrollment with them while he learns and does schoolwork at home?
Perhaps they could administer tests periodically or something like that. If they don't want him in class and he doesn't want to be there, could be a win-win. It's not something I can imagine any school doing long term, but just for a few more months, maybe they would.
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Dolly Welsh
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:51 pm
Home school.
Be guided by what your husband says. DH is who went to the Rav, and those two men decided this kid has to come out of there.
Let your husband decide this, discussing it with the boy. You back out of it. Let there be no mommy fingerprints on the decision. Father only.
Ponder what this kid IS good at, and provide opportunities for him to do those things.
There may be many Torah situations such as farms, animal care. Not everybody is about books; some are about hands-on interactive material things such as nature. There seem to be several such places.
DS can still see his friends on his own terms. But your husband has to supervise that closely. DS is vulnerable.
DS ALREADY has private tutors, so he is already partially home schooled. And next year isn't that far from now. It's just a bridge.
One Rav told you 'we can't accommodate his differences' and another Rav told you 'uh no, terrible, take him out.' That's two Ravs. The decision is making itself.
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#BestBubby
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:58 pm
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What does your son want to do?
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amother
Wheat
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:02 pm
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Is there any way to start mesivta now?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:10 pm
He doesn’t know. He commented to me that he would be losing friends if he leaves school. DH told him you could still stay in touch and he said yeh, but it would just be by phone and not in person. It’s not the same.
We don’t live walking distance for him to visit them on Shabbos etc .
His only time he interacts with them is during school hours which is basically 6:45 am to 6:00 pm
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:13 pm
No, because he’s extremely behind in his learning in general. He has tutors working with him to prepare him so that he’s able to learn Gemara well enough to be able to go to mesivta.
I was considering another elementary school and him repeating a year , but the problem is finding a school to fit his needs and type etc. Very difficult.
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mha3484
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:17 pm
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I just wanted to add, I also have a 13 year old boy. He has had A LOT of ups and downs in yeshiva. So I can really empathize with you. I found in the summer when he was in camp that ended at 3:30 and way way too much time before bed it was really not good for him mentally or emotionally. If he was home all day with only a couple hours of tutoring I would be worried he would get depressed.
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keym
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:20 pm
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OP, has he been accepted to a Mesivta yet?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:32 pm
| keym wrote: | | OP, has he been accepted to a Mesivta yet? |
No. We didn’t start applications yet . The Gemara tutor said he wants to work with him first before we apply. My DH spoke to a rebbe that works in two other boys schools , one for slower learners to see if DS should go there but he said to stay away since it would destroy DS’s self image.
My DS already has a very low self esteem . I think he might be depressed and was going to get him evaluated and now this!
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:34 pm
| mha3484 wrote: | | I just wanted to add, I also have a 13 year old boy. He has had A LOT of ups and downs in yeshiva. So I can really empathize with you. I found in the summer when he was in camp that ended at 3:30 and way way too much time before bed it was really not good for him mentally or emotionally. If he was home all day with only a couple hours of tutoring I would be worried he would get depressed. |
I was concerned about that , since I think he may already have some depression. So that’s why I feel like his social life can’t be disrupted right now.
This thread is giving me what to think about .
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amother
Calendula
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:42 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I was concerned about that , since I think he may already have some depression. So that’s why I feel like his social life can’t be disrupted right now.
This thread is giving me what to think about . |
Can he go to school just for Kodesh? Or just for Chol?
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TwinsMommy
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:46 pm
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My son is almost 17 and does vocational programming in the morning and homeschooling in the afternoon. Not ideal but no school locally works for his needs. Your son is younger but in place of vocational is there somewhere he could volunteer half a day perhaps so he gets some socialization and then it's only half a day of schooling? My son's vocational counts for credits so he's only taking four actual courses in the afternoons.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:46 pm
He only has kodesh this year . They don’t provide secular studies for his grade . He does get title 1 tutoring for reading and they still provide him with that, because I asked for it.
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amother
Seagreen
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Wed, Dec 20 2023, 10:28 am
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Yes, 100% I would do it. BUT only if the boy is on board with this decision. If he'd rather stay in school for social reasons, I would not fight that. Homeschooling can deteriorate rapidly if the child is not interested in making it work.
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