Aunt wearing a gown to wedding

amother

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:46 am

In my circles, it’s usually the kallah’s mother, sisters, sister in laws, and bubby in gowns the same color. Just found out one aunt wants to wear a gown to my dd’s upcoming wedding. Will it look weird if she’s the only aunt in a gown? They’re not particularly close.

amother

Thistle

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:52 am

That's on her, not you. And I don't think it really matters what she's wearing vs everyone else. I've seen enough people wearing gowns at weddings that weren't the immediate family.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:53 am

Curious what circles you’re in.
In my (very very large) family, aunts wear gowns to nieces and nephews weddings. I own about 5 gowns that I switch off wearing to my nieces and nephews.
It’s nothing like the mother of the kallah or sibling gowns
Also, why does it bother you so much?

amother

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:56 am

I don’t want the other aunts to feel hurt if she’s in a gown and they’re not.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:58 am

In recent years I've seen the trend of aunts wearing gowns to weddings. I was asked to wear long to my niece's wedding. As it turned out, I was the only aunt that was able to attend for the Kallah and maybe there was one from the Chosen's side. Not weird at all and looked nice in the photos. As I recall, my sisters in law all wore gowns to my dd's wedding. Not sure how you would handle that anyway--don't think you can tell a guest not to wear a gown.

amother

Thistle

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 8:06 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t want the other aunts to feel hurt if she’s in a gown and they’re not.

You could suggest it to the other aunts if you really think they might get offended. Realistically chances are this aunt it's simply she has this nice gown already and she's not going to go out and buy a new dress specially for this wedding.
Practically (I don't know if this means I'm getting too old here) it's much easier in a shorter dress than a gown. I'm more likely to trip on my hem. Even if my sil/sister suggested I could wear a gown to my nieces/nephews wedding, I would probably still choose my shorter dress.

happy7

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 8:11 am

It’s really not a big deal. People can wear whatever they want nowadays.
Lots of people wear maxi dresses anyway.
My mother has two sisters. One often wears gowns. She owns them already. It’s simpler for her to just wear it again instead of buying something new. The other one always wears a dress.
You will see close family members who don’t even dress up at all

Chayalle

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 8:44 am

No big deal, really. My sisters wore gowns to DD's wedding, some of my SIL's did too, some did whatever they were comfortable with. The other side did whatever worked for them. No one sits there analyzing what everyone's wearing, AFAIK (I certainly don't when I go to a wedding).

Busybee5

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 8:51 am

You don't need to worry about that. Most of the time the aunt's ask each other what they plan to wear. My sister's in law and I always talk before, should we wear long etc? It's not on you, you didn't tell her to wear it, and you shouldn't tell her not to.
Mazel Tov!

seeker

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 8:55 am

I hear all the no big deal, and the live and let live, but if there are numerous aunts and you know one is planning gown and the others aren't, I think it makes sense to consider saying something so she doesn't feel awkwardly overdressed when it's too late. Not sure how to do that but there are some very diplomatic copywriters around here.

I could be wrong but that's what I assumed op was asking.

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 9:59 am

There is no real rule for aunts. My niece asked me to wear a gown as well as my girls. My sister-in-law and her girls also wore gowns. My last sister came from Israel and did not wear a gown.

eezee

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 10:11 am

To the aunt that wants to wear a gown: "Please don't feel pressured to wear a gown. If you would like to that's fantastic, but if you don't want to, that's also fantastic. I want you to be comfortable so that you can enjoy yourself"

To the other aunts that did not plan to wear a gown: "I believe Aunt X is wearing a gown. Please don't feel pressured to wear a gown. If you would like to that's fantastic, but if you don't want to, that's also fantastic. I want you to be comfortable so that you can enjoy yourself"

And that's it! That opens the floor for everyone to wear whatever they are most comfortable wearing

amother

Iris

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 10:21 am

Nobody cares! Nobody looks. If it makes her happy, why not? It's a mitzvah. Tell her she looks beautiful in her gown. Smile. She's the Aunty. Even if she isn't close. It's a mitzvah.

seeker

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:04 am

Idk, I've been the aunt and even if nobody cares I think I would feel very self conscious if I came in a very different level of dress than anyone else.

Though I also think I had the foresight to ask the sibling making the wedding what their sister in laws were wearing.

Cheiny

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 2:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can’t imagine worrying about this of all things, with all the other stress and things to do when a child is getting married…

Cheiny

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 2:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t want the other aunts to feel hurt if she’s in a gown and they’re not.

Hurt??? Why would they be hurt? They too can come in a gown if they choose to.

ShishKabob

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 6:43 pm

Nowadays especially with midi being in, many people go a bit longer as well, many dresses look like gowns to me. What's the defining difference?

amother

Seashell

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 6:46 pm

I'm glad this is your concern with all pre wedding hectic times and jitters. Good for you.
Honestly, who cares what anyone wears. By us some aunts do, some don't. With an aunt it has nothing to do with close and frankly noone will care or give it second thought .

HonesttoGod

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 7:24 pm

In my family it depends on the niece/family.

We usually have the phone call/text “waht are you wearing” and we wear something in between ball gown and short dress.
Some wear a hi-lo skirt others wear maxi dresses or elegant fitted gowns. You can usually tell that they’re not siblings of the kalah or chosen because they’re not necessarily in the color theme.
But really who cares she can wear what she wants. If others don’t coordinate with her/ask her what she plans to wear, that’s on them not her.