Leave tag on if got bris gift from TJ Maxx?

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:01 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I don't like having to bend them in half to get their legs back in the outfit, having to flip them over to snap it up, and it seems uncomfortable for babies who are constantly on their backs to have snaps back there.

Snaps in the back, or anything hard that presses against the back, can also cause reflux.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:06 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

But people who have "standards" shouldn't expect people to hold to them. And be turned off by any gift that came from the right place.

Oh and shouldn't be shocked that they didn't get gifts.

Relax.

There are standards "I think that's below me and I'll be a snob" then there are standards "that's not my style, the people I generally associate with don't wear that."

Yes, when giving a gift, the thought counts. But there is even more thought when you first think if the recipient will appreciate the gift (as in, be able to use it, not as in, appreciate that you gave a gift).

So no, you don't need to give a gift, but if you're making the gift about yourself and how insulted you'll feel if the person doesn't have a use for it, why bother?

Personally I like finding out if the recipient will like what I'm getting, or make it return-friendly, because I get such satisfaction knowing my gift was actually something the recipient enjoys/could use.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:13 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

This goes back to the whole meal train debate (since someone brought that up) and how high expectations of whats acceptable and complaints of not good enough meals just burn people out and make them reluctant to bother participating.
If I'm so caught up in trying to figure out if my baby gift meets someone's standards, I'm probably not going to bother sending a gift at all. Too stressful.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:21 pm

so you can

-put minimal thought in

-not get a gift

-get a gift that might not be most appreciated, but still be 'yotzei'

-other?

my point is, don't make it so super stressful, but nothing wrong if a person has personal preferences about what he or she would like to receive.

Honestly feel similar about the meal trains. I don't think there's anything wrong with a person letting people know that certain types of food (within reason) will or will not be appreciated. If they feel strongly about it and you can't do it, then don't.

Obviously all this is within reason, assuming we're not talking about outright snobs or super-entitled people.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:22 pm

Ha I don't need to send thank you cards because I barely got any gifts 😃
I would have loved a nice personalized paci clip or a really nice stretchie. Bh I have neighbors who were so nice to give me some their baby didn't need anymore

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:25 pm

mandr wrote:

Well when you get a gift for someone, you try to get something they'd appreciate, not what YOU'D appreciate. Simple as that. If they have clothing standards that aren't like yours you try to find something else.

If my house keeps a gluten free diet, for example, and I am making supper for a friend's family, no, I am not making them a gf meal because that's what's normal in my house.

I'm a little surprised that the posters claiming to be from in-town communities never heard of buying jewish store clothing as baby gifts.

Most people who keep gluten free kitchens won't bring in gluten.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:27 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Stating one would be "turned off" by a gift that came from TJ Maxx (which probably is the same outfit carried in regular department stores) is pretty snobby/entitled.
Also going to TJ Maxx and picking out a cute outfit isn't "minimal thought" or effort in my book. It expends the same effort and time as going to a Jewish store. Just maybe not the same amount of money, which I assume is the crux of the matter if we are all being honest here.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:31 pm

I didn't say minimal effort, I said minimal thought.
Meaning don't get stressed out trying to make sure you're getting exactly what she wants, but you can try to say, knowing the recipient, is this something she'd appreciate.

I wouldn't be so quick to say that about the other poster. I would think if she's living in a world where no one does it, then yes, she might be turned off because if one of those people did it for her, that might be quite a statement.

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:33 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

These are stretchies https://elysandco.com/collections/footies
In my circles babies wear stretchies with either snaps down the front or snaps in the back. the ones with the zipper and and snap on the top carters style is ultra nerdy and only for pajamas
Mostly only jewish stores sell stretchies so if I get from a tjmaxx kind of store it feelsnerdy bcz theyre usually not so cute and fit funny

Im not a fancy type I dont even have money but this is what im used to. Everything my baby wears is jewish style even if its passed down from my neighbors baby

Ultra nerdy? I find them so much more practical and easy to use than the ones with snaps. And also zippers break much less frequently than snaps.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:38 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

If I have to worry that what I can afford is not going to be appreciated by the recipient than that is a lot of stress. Not engendered by me, but rather by the entitlement of the person who only appreciates gift that have a certain cachet.
If it's not snobbery or entitlement than it certainly is an immaturity. Not to be able to realize that people have different financial capabilities and to resent someone not being able to go over their budget in gift giving and to have no appreciation for people gifting what they are able.
Everyone jumps on those teacher threads where teachers say they only want certain level of gifts/tips, and how dare teachers not understand that parents do the best they can afford, it's entitlement etc etc. Well, how is this any different.

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:40 pm

mandr wrote:

The only flour I have in my house is GF. I will not go out and buy a special bag of flour, which will go to waste, to make a meal or dessert for someone. They will get the same gf flour that my family gets. If my house is GF, it is GF for a reason. Using regular flour when you are GF is not only a headache, but can also cause issues for the person or people who ARE GF. Let’s put it this way- I have never had guests who only came once, so clearly the GF food wasn’t an issue for them.
Of course you get something that they would appreciate, but to me the requirement of where to shop is taking that too far.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:42 pm

amother Peachpuff wrote:

Appreciating 1 thing over another is very different from resenting or not appreciating something at all.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:43 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Appreciating 1 thing over another is very different from resenting or not appreciating something at all.

I won't quote the posts but there were a few here where posters said straight out they don't want a gift from TJ Maxx or similar type store and they'd be turned off and annoyed to get one. I think one even said it's just a waste and they'd rather not get anything than be insulted to get such a gift.
As I said, if not outright entitlement that's just a plain immature attitude.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:45 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

Most people who keep gluten free kitchens won't bring in gluten.

Interesting, I know many people, including myself, who eat and cook gf but the kitchen is not necessarily exclusively gf for the whole family.
Personally, if I was cooking for someone, I would either go out and get the regular noodles, flour, etc. or I would make something that is anyway gf, like rice or potatoes. I might use a gf flour if it doesn't show up too much, but I wouldn't give a gf cake (unless I know that they enjoy it).

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:47 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

If I have to worry about whether the recipient will “be turned off” or think my gift is “ultra nerdy” I will probably skip getting a gift. In my book, all gifts should be graciously accepted. Don’t tell me where to shop or how much to spend (unless it is a maximum)

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:49 pm

amother Peachpuff wrote:

I won't quote the posts but there were a few here where posters said straight out they don't want a gift from TJ Maxx or similar type store and they'd be turned off and annoyed to get one. I think one even said it's just a waste and they'd rather not get anything.
As I said, if not outright entitlement that's just a plain immature attitude.

It might be rude to say that to someone while they're giving the gift, but in a general discussion, such as here, I don't think it's so major if someone mentions that generally the things sold in specific stores are not their taste and the gift would probably end up not being useful (and might even be extra clutter) What

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:51 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

That's my point. Don't come tell me exactly how it must be done but, in my book, the gift is usually for the recipient, not to make yourself feel good (unless it is, but that's an entirely different discussion)

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:53 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

So what’s your suggestion? What is your response to those comments?

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 12:59 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

So what’s your suggestion? What is your response to those comments?

I thought I addressed them.
1)I understood most to be stating preferences regarding things that would be MORE appreciated (not totally unappreciated if not 'fulfilled').
2)if something is accepted in a person's peer group/social circle/community...like giving/getting a stretchy from a specific style store, and they (would hypothetically) get something very different, I don't think it's necessarily 'entitled' to understand that as a statement.

I didn't go back and read each post just now so could be I missed a specific one you're referring to?

amother

Gold

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 1:11 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

lol I hate the way the “frum” stretchies fit, they’re too skinny and I hate hate hate the snaps in the back. My newborns don’t care if they are nerdy (and not all of the Carters are nerdy, fyi). They want to be comfortable and I’m not concerned about them making a good first impression LOL

And I hate the way all the non jewish stretchies fit LOL

But you are right that Carters started carrying some nice stretchies this year. I've never seen nice ones there before but I got about 5/6 from there this past season