WWYD - 3rd marriage: would you go?

amother

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:01 pm

Would you pay for flights, a rental car, and possibly a hotel room to attend a 3rd wedding for a family member (staying in the same country but at a significant expense)? Is it truly an obligation?

If the family member in question was:
your parent
your sibling
your 1st cousin
your niece/nephew
your uncle/aunt

amother

Cerise

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:03 pm

If I wanted to and we were close I would go if we werent close and I didnt feel like it I prob woulndt go. I didn't go to one of my parents third wedding because they didnt really have anything and I wasn't asked to attend.

amother

Jade

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

For a parent, I'd ask a sheilah. I've heard it can be complicated.
For a sibling I would go without a question.
For a first cousin I would not, but then again, we are not close with our cousins. If we grew up together like siblings maybe.
Niece/nephew and aunt/uncle? I think it depends on the relationship you have with them.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:05 pm

What is your relationship with the person? Do you respect the person (I get the impression you don’t) How much of a hardship is it? Would you go if it was a second marriage? A first?

I might not go to a nephew or cousins first wedding if it was inconvenient-depending on how inconvenient. I would go to my mother’s 7th. There is no set answer. It sounds like you are looking for justification not to go or someone didn’t come to yours and you are annoyed.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:07 pm

I really think it doesnt matter what the simcha is. I make a big effort to show up at simchas if I am able to and my presence would be appreicated.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:08 pm

Probably a sibling. The parent depends but usually in this case I'm assuming the relationship is strained.

Einikel

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:10 pm

If this person was divorced twice I would be hesitant to go, thinking it wouldn't work out again
And it would just be a waste of time on my end...

dankbar

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:12 pm

It depends if they invited you and really want you there.

Sometimes they're not really interested in random guests. Sometimes they want you there if you are really close

amother

Tealblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 6:56 pm

Einikel wrote:

If this person was divorced twice I would be hesitant to go, thinking it wouldn't work out again
And it would just be a waste of time on my end...

Oh wow that’s pretty judgmental and really pessimistic.?

Einikel

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 7:46 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

Oh wow that’s pretty judgmental and really pessimistic.?

That was the feeling I got from OP but I could be mistaken 🤷
Why are you afraid to post under your SN?

SunnyDayz

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 8:26 pm

I agree with others that it really depends on your specific relationship with that person, and if you feel your presence would make a difference to them.

amother

Tuberose

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 8:30 pm

Einikel wrote:

If this person was divorced twice I would be hesitant to go, thinking it wouldn't work out again
And it would just be a waste of time on my end...

I know someone who was twice divorced and ended up finally happily married the 3rd time around. After all those years, she finally had a happy marriage.

zaq

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 8:34 pm

Maaaaaybe for a sibling with whom I was very very close, esp if said sibling would have no family there if I didn't go. But otherwise probably not. And if it's not an immediate family member, definitely not, if I attended the first two weddings. Two is enough!

seeker

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:28 pm

Einikel wrote:

If this person was divorced twice I would be hesitant to go, thinking it wouldn't work out again
And it would just be a waste of time on my end...

Wait, when you go to a wedding you're essentially betting on the viability of the marriage? Or endorsing it? I'm a little confused how this works. If the marriage doesn't work out then your participation in the wedding wasn't effective?

I probably wouldn't go because of all the travel time and expense op describes. I'd be like sorry I already spent my budget on your weddings. Unless we're very very close or it's a destination that would be worth it for me to visit anyway and now I have an excuse for a vacation. But I guess you really only know wywd if you're actually in the situation.

Einikel

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:31 pm

seeker wrote:

You're right, it's not really logical but the way my brain works at least. I doubt I'm the only one who would feel this way though.