WWYD BIL wants to buy us a gift we don't want

amother

Khaki

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:11 pm

I was in the almost exact situation as you a few years ago. That gift is indeed gathering dust but I wasn't going to turn it down. DH even admitted to him at some point that we don't actually use it and he wasn't too bothered. He wanted us to have it and we do, and that's all that matters.

Some people aren't able to think beyond their own likes and dislikes and they want others to have what they like. If the script provided above doesn't help him change his mind, I'd accept it graciously and stash it away. It's a small sacrifice for family.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:16 pm

savta3 wrote:

Look at it the opposite way around. You are not getting a gift. You are doing a chessed with your BIL. Because of his medical condition, when he wants to give you an amazing gift he can only see what he would have wanted. So just thank him profusely, and keep it until he visits you at some point. After that you can sell it/ throw it in the garbage and if he ever comes again, tell him the kids broke it (beware: he might buy you a replacement).

When people give gifts, many people give what they would like to receive, and your only choice is to accept gracefully if they are someone relatively close to you and might find out. (I have a totally useless gift taking up precious closet space, and I take it out when the giver is visiting. My relationship with them is worth more than the closet space.)

THIS

tichellady

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:25 pm

I would Just say what things I would appreciate and said I’d be very direct and clear about how kind that is but it’s not a good gift for your family and instead you would really enjoy blank blank blank

lamplighter

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:37 pm

tichellady wrote:

I disagree. If you decide to decline a gift you don't ask for something in its stead.

amother

Sand

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:39 pm

Omg I can't believe these responses!!

If someone offers you a gift you accept it graciously!!

I'm in a tiny apartment also, you find a corner of a closet or somewhere to leave and let it collect dust if you don't want to use it .

But you don't tell him that you don't want it and you definitely don't ask for something else!!

amother

Feverfew

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm married for about 5 years now.

My older single BIL (DH's much older brother) just reached out to him and said that he would like to buy us a belated wedding gift.

A record player.

BIL has been through some hard times recently and his mental state isn't the best. My DH feels we should graciously accept because it will make him feel good.

I have no idea where I would put a record player where it would be safe from my little kids (I also live in a small apartment), and even if I knew, it would probably just gather dust. It feels like a waste of a present.

WWYD?

Is it 1975?

What would you do with it? Do they even make records anymore?

amother

Sand

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:56 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

Is it 1975?

What would you do with it? Do they even make records anymore?

Who cares what she can do with it? The point is that if someone is thoughtful enough to give you a gift, you accept it with a smile and say thank you!!

I'm a teacher, I've gotten plenty of gifts that I have nothing to do with. So what? I either put it away somewhere to collect dust or throw it out or give it away. But it would never cross my mind you tell the person I don't want it!!

amother

Feverfew

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 3:59 pm

amother Sand wrote:

No need to yell at me. I didn't even give an opinion as to whether they should or shouldn't accept this gift. I was just expressing surprise that this even was something someone would give at all in the year 2023.

NechaMom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:38 pm

Wow. A record player is something you find in a great grandmother’s attic. Please find a nice way to tell him that you would feel terrible if your kids break his precious gift. I think it’s fine if you suggest something similar but more current. Like an MP3 player. With the right words you can still make him feel good and appreciate his gift for real.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:43 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

Puke. Entitled much?

Seriously? If it’s a brother and he offered something they can’t use, is it so unreasonable to phrase in a nice way that something else of similar cost would be more useful?

NechaMom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:44 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I disagree. If you decide to decline a gift you don't ask for something in its stead.

But the bil wants to feel good and give something. I don’t see what’s wrong with recommending something similar but more useful. Most people want their gift to be used and appreciated! OP doesn’t NEED his gift. He wants to give it. Why not help guide him to give something they can appreciate?

NechaMom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:45 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

Seriously? If it’s a brother and he offered something they can’t use, is it so unreasonable to phrase in a nice way that something else of similar cost would be more useful?

I really don’t see the issue with it either and I happen to HATE entitled behavior.

amother

Sand

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:50 pm

NechaMom wrote:

From OP's post it doesn't sound like he asked what he should get them or what they would prefer. he did not ask for advice or guidance what he should get them

It sounds like he stated that he is getting a record player.

And I think it would be really not nice to tell him you don't want it

amother

Midnight

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:52 pm

Op- is the record player one that can be stored in a closet or is it a piece of furniture like the one I had growing up.
Like this
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1.....D_BwE

chanatron1000

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:53 pm

If he wouldn't receive a rejection well, I would accept it and "lend" it to someone who does want one. Then, if he asks about it in the future, I would truthfully say that I lent it to someone, even if the loan is a very long term one.

NechaMom

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 4:54 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Right. To say you don’t want it sounds rude.
That’s why you talk like a mensch. The way some posters worded it. We’d really love such a gift but we’re afraid our kids will damage it in our small apartment. How about a smaller item that serves the same purpose...
They obviously got a heads up that he’s thinking of buying it. It would be different if he already bought it. At that point you just thank him graciously and then decide what to do with it. As long as it’s before you can still save both of you the trouble of buying and receiving a useless gift.