Kids ages 3-9 and the hours of 5-8 pm are extremely tough

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 5:57 pm

My kids are ages 3 6 and 9 and the hours between 5 and 8 are so draining that I don’t know to manage or how I could even think of having more kids!

The 9 year old usually is well behaved but he gets hyper, sending my 6 year old into a wild out of control spiral where he’s chutzpadig, says bathroom words, spits, eats food with his hands or spills on purpose, refuses to do homework, and is belligerent and impossible. Won’t take a bath or go to bed. Won’t go to a friend or invite anyone here. Nothing.

Then the 3 yo begs all night for my attention, wanting me to read or give a bath- but I’m trying to keep my patience with my 6 yo and can’t freakin do it all.

Dh just yells when they’re being difficult and doesn’t know how to validate or empathize or use playful parenting. And I am at my wits end. I feel so stressed out and really hate this part.

Can anyone advise?

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 7:13 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Toveedo as needed (it's educational! Wink

)
And 3 & 6 yr olds can go to sleep by 6:30-7

I try to get bedtime started at 6:30/7. It takes about half an hour for each for bedtime. So I’m not done until 7:30/ 8 usually. Then the kitchen needs to get cleaned up from dinner etc

Screentime makes them hyper grumpy and awful. I limit screentime for Fridays because if it’s not set in stone, they beg for it every day all day and can’t handle a no. It’s easier when there’s a set schedule for screentime.

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 7:15 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

Can you split them up and you take some and dh take some?
Time for your dh to learn better parenting techniques?
Dinner/ bedtime is stressful in most houses though...

We are in therapy and in non stressful times dh is great and super helpful but as soon as a kid gets out of control dh loses it and can’t deal productively.

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 7:27 pm

tichellady wrote:

I think this is fairly typical. Kids are really hard and this is the hardest time of the day

Someone asked if they can stay in my home during the week due to a local simcha and I felt like saying no! It’s insanely hectic! I feel like a madwoman

I’m not handling this well

amother

Banana

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 8:58 pm

op, sorry to be so blunt but you need to be there with your kids physically and emotionally for these 3 hours. for these 3 hours you will practice all the patience in the world (for 21 hours you can be impatient)
for these 3 Hours you will put down your phone (you can have it for 21 hours of the day)
Yes tell yourself its 3 hours a day you will really work to hold it all in... just 3 hours its MAGIC

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 9:04 pm

Here’s what I’ve done:
1. Homework doesn’t get done if they fight me on it. If they don’t do it willingly or easily, we skip it and I offer in the morning if they want to do it then. Often they say yes.
2. We start bedtime at 6:00, so the first is in bed by 6:30, the second 6:45. I can’t handle dragging it out all night. If it gets late we skip baths! Not worth it for me to have clean kids but the night off schedule.
3. I try to remember to keep the Naki radio on. They end up listening to it and keeping quiet to hear the story.
4. I let them make a mess. It’s out of control by the end of the night, but trying to keep on top of it while it’s going on is too stressful. Also it’s stressful for the kids when I’m focused on that. So I just ignore it and either I clean it up after they go to sleep or I jump into my bed and ignore it. I have more patience in the morning and usually clean up then. Is it somewhat dysfunctional that I’m cleaning up the supper table then? Yes! They’re little though and probably won’t remember this part when they’re adults. If I lose myself every night though, good chance they’ll remember that.
Basically the only goal of the night is to get everyone fed and into bed on time, while staying calm.

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 9:07 pm

amother Banana wrote:

No I don’t have 21 hours to myself. I wake up at 645, dh and I feed the kids dress then see them off or do carpool, I need to dress myself eat and daven, I work, then I pick up the kids and make dinner and the hard hours begin right away…

Tonight they actually went to sleep at 7 which is why I wrote my post at 7

The fighting and yelling drives me nuts

amother

Lemonlime

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 9:10 pm

It's such a hard time of day! I've noticed we have better nights when I keep an eye on the clock and think strategically about bedtime. I try to start earlier than we need because it's way easier to get my kids to get into PJs at 6:45, for example, for a 7:30 bedtime than it is to start at 7:15. If they ask for anything around bedtime (a tv show, a story, help with something non-urgent, I say okay, get in PJs really quick and then we'll have time for x. Or okay, you want to read 2 stories, so after the first we'll do PJs and then read the 2nd). If we even wait another 15 min, they get tired and cranky and everything is so much harder! So start earlier than you think you need.

And if DH struggles with the disregulated one, divide and conquer-- have him take care of the kids that are cooperating. We tend to switch off based on who has the patience to deal with it at the time, or if one of us was struggling with one kid, the other takes over and usually has more success since they're calmer.

amother

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 9:13 pm

I appreciate the validation and suggestions. I’m noticing that they feed off each other - for example tonight one was dysregulated so I was handling, but I needed dh to do bath for the other one who started crying and tantrumming “no, only mommy”

They needed baths tonight bec they didn’t have last night, and tomorrow night and Thursday night won’t work for baths for various reasons this week.

It’s usually not just one kid. It’s usually all of them acting out and egging each other on

amother

Amaranthus

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 9:49 pm

My kids are all same gender and similar ages to yours. I agree with the poster that said never mind the mess- I only clean once they are all in bed and don't bother them about the mess.

We also only have screentime friday afternoon. Its set in stone there is no begging/negotiating so thats easy.

t's a very hard time of day and here are some things that I've found helpful:

At beginning of night I'll reiterate schedule: for example: first we're going to do snack, then homework, then baths, then during dinner you can listen to a podcast, then playtime until 7:30 (when I start bedtime).

Bath every single night- I put them all in together and it calms their bodies and puts them in bedtime mode. Dinner is after bathtime always. Sometimes hw before, sometimes after.

When we do homework, I'll say "the homework station is open for 15 min" this means I'm available to help now and that's it. One of my kids is a major dawdler/resister and when I say this he moves on it because he wants my help.

If the playtime gets wild, and often super wild, that's fine. Because 7:30 is bedtime anyhow and I help with brushing teeth and then go into their shared room and start reading which no one wants to miss

They all have same bedtime despite age differences. And they all share a room. Keeps it much easier.

ImmaBubby

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 10:00 pm

If it’s possible, having a good, nutritious supper ready when the school-age kids come home may help all around. I found that my kids did better with real food and then a snack rather than coming home hungry and filling up on what’s supposed to be a snack.

amother

Heather

Tue, Dec 26 2023, 10:20 pm

I try to have a schedule for the week for them to look forward to.

We go to the Soft play once a week so they give out their energy. (It's very cheap in my area).

We go to a friend's house which is bigger than ours and she is easy going and doesn't mind mess and noise. Naturally, they behave better in someone else's space.

We go to the park for 1.5 hours when the weather allows.

We do an errand which can take an hour of slow walking. I don't expect a full grocery shopping but just a few items or the bakery or something. Of course, they can choose something to make it exciting.

If I am busy with them anyways, I might as well do it all the way and make it pleasant for all of us.

ETA My 3 year old is in his crib at 6 30 pm.