Is it OK to give punishment for motivation at 5-6

amother

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 12:19 am

My child school had a contest for all kids 5-8 over chanuka vacation they had to fill out a chart whoever brings back the filled out chart gets a treat. The kids got a few weeks to bring back the chart. Then they were all given out a big treat but the kids that brought back the chart will get an additional small treat that enhances the big treat. My child act like they don't care. They were very happy to get a big treat. I'm not sure if they are acting indifferent about the small extra treat because it not like they can do anything about it was a good big treat or they really care and it's a protective mechanism because they can't do anything about it now.

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 3:26 am

Sounds like you feel bad for your child that they missed out on the prize. I have a son in that age range that once didn't feel like doing one of these motivational charts over a vacation. I also felt badly for him that he wouldn't get the prize. And same reaction as by you, he acted like he didn't care and I couldn't tell if it was true or not.

Lately B"H he has been doing the charts. And he is so excited to get the prize and I am so proud of him. And I think it really is good for him to be motivated to do what the chart says- daven, learn, clean up, treat others nicely, whatever they put. If not, it's really hard to get him to do anything useful over vacation. So I usually do appreciate these charts.

If your child didn't do it and feels bad, maybe they'll be more motivated to do it next time. Isn't that the point? Do you feel like it's too hard for your child? Do you just disagree with using incentives in general?

amother

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 5:21 am

I feel bad it usually the parent that helps fill it out. Most of the contest are with tons of reminders extra charts in case it gets lost. Reminder to parents to send back there wasn't any here. Also usually staff buy enough small prizes for every child it's just a matter of time when the kid will get it. I never had such a contest below first grade. They seem young for this.

Edit for clarity.

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 5:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel bad it usually the parent that helps fill it out. Most of the contest are with tons of reminders extra charts in case it gets lost. Reminder to parents to send back there wasn't any here. Also usually a they usually buy enough small prizes for every child it's just a matter if time when the kid will get it. I never had such a contest below first grade. They seem young for this

Oh, that makes more sense. I read 5-8 before for some reason, so more like grades 1-3, which seems more typical. Was the issue that your child didn't do what was on the chart or that you lost it or didn't fill it out? If they made a choice not to do it, that was their choice. Maybe they'll choose differently next time, maybe not. If they forgot about it, same I think- next time if it's important enough they may remember. If it's something they could still do and it wasn't their "fault" it didn't get done (I'm assuming that's why you feel guilty?), why don't you speak to the teacher about it and see if you could do it now? If that's not doable for whatever reason, I'd just drop it.

Kids are resilient in general. Things happen, disappointments happen. If they're really distraught about it and it's not their fault, you can try to get a prize or treat or whatever yourself to make it up. But if they're acting fine, seems like they are really over it and you should work on getting over it yourself.

amother

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 5:37 am

Another problem I have is I don't like using food this way in general. It's very different when 1 winner is chosen to get a treat. Since it was such a big treat. It like giving the kid a bowl of pasta and saying only the contest motivators could eat it with Ketchup. It just enhances the food but it feels like depriving them when done this way. Under first feels to young for this way.

amother

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 5:45 am

amother Arcticblue wrote:

I have a second grader who hung up chart and it was done. Most of the second grade class got the extra treat. They understood why they got it.
My younger child who is in the year before first didn't get one pre-1a/primary/pre k. About 1/4 of the kids didn't get the extra treat

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 5:51 am

amother OP wrote:

But why? They didn't get the chart? What did they have to do on the chart? Why didn't they do it? If 3/4 of the kids did it, doesn't sound like the school did something so wrong.

WhatFor

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 6:43 am

Ugh, I hate this kind of thing for little kids. And for 5 year olds?? We all know that for little kids this is dependent on whether or not their parent is able to help them with these things. So if you're a 5 or 6 yo whose parent isn't able or doesn't care to help you, and you don't yet have the skills to motivate yourself to do whatever the assignment is, then congratulations. You get to watch a bunch of other kids get an "extra" prize that you don't get because your parent wasn't able to help you achieve whatever the goal was. I'm not sure what the lesson is here for kids this age.

WhatFor

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 6:46 am

amother Arcticblue wrote:

But why? They didn't get the chart? What did they have to do on the chart? Why didn't they do it? If 3/4 of the kids did it, doesn't sound like the school did something so wrong.

If a full quarter of the kids are failing to achieve a goal, then it doesn't sound like the school is doing something so right either. The school needs to cater to kids across a wide spectrum. If 1/4 of the kids fail to meet a task, the school needs to assess why.

amother

Wandflower

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 11:36 am

WhatFor wrote:

But is it a goal or just a nice extra? We don't know what the chart is for.

amother

Narcissus

Wed, Jan 03 2024, 11:40 am

WhatFor wrote:

We don't know what the chart was for. The average charts for kids this age are for things that thy learnt about in school and can do it on their own like neggel vasser/ saying shema at bedtime/ mitzva charts ect...
Actually, I think it's nice f the school to give a reward to everyone regardless if the chart was completed. it wasn't like that in my days.