Husband lost job 😓

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 11:10 am

So we both work full time... I mean he worked full time and I still work full time.
He made 3/4 of our income plus health insurance. Now we have to live off my tiny salary.
I guess I should have put this under emotional health because I need chizzuk. This is not the first time he lost a job. Once again the company is downsizing... last in first out.
My work doesn't have family Healthcare. Can we still do exchange if I can get coverage alone? My kids have medical needs. Specialty meds. We might actually qualify for state medicaid but my kids have medical specialists!! I can't wait 6 months for a referral to another doctor and then wait for Medicaid to see if they will approve the medication.

Not in NY or NJ but another higher cost of living area. We can't move to a cheaper place because we have a good deal on our rent so it is way below market value for our area and we can't afford to move out of our city. Plus no job for DH there and I will need a new job. Obviously if he finds a job in another city that can cover our living expenses we definitely would seriously consider it.

My income is pitiful! We can't afford food, rent, tuition, health insurance etc on just my salary!! He is going to look hard for a job but there are no guarantees.

We are figuring out how to cut down expenses. We don't spend a lot but we can always cut down food. I don't buy new clothes per season- only as needed and on sale as is. We do hand me downs. I use off brand diapers. Don't do vacation. Don't pay for housekeeper. Don't buy takeout usually- we did one time for a birthday but that was when we had 2 incomes...

I am so overwhelmed. This was so unexpected.

amother

Daylily

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 12:52 pm

I'm so sorry

May it be openly revealed soon to be a blessing, ie better job to come

Don't have much to offer, except in case you'd like chizuk from a shalom bayis type shiur, the Ladies Talkshow, as a podcast or on the Torahanytime app, Leah Richeimer sometimes addresses this. Maybe there's even a show on it? You can skim though topics, most of the classes are on Torah anytime.

My apologies if I am misrepresenting her. Her many classes are available so anyone can go check it out to hear for themselves. But what I understand from her is:

She frequently addresses about the wife being the receiver, that "all bracha comes through the husband". The wife receives it, she must strive to learn what that means, esp in this generation it doesn't come naturally for a lot of us. & in this context. And heads up, politically incorrect content here - she says how crucial it is to not further disempower an unemployed husband, by then expecting him to use his newfound free time to do housework & watch the kids (more than he normally would that is).

It can be very, very, very emasculating for a man to suddenly not be a breadwinner, whether he is able to be self-aware & articulate it or not. So she emphasizes giving him even more support & kavod, & to resist the temptation to ask for more help than usual with domestic chores.

I'm so sorry, hatzlacha raba with all of this

amother

Daffodil

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you're facing. It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed during unexpected changes like job loss. Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time:

Healthcare Options: Look into individual health insurance plans for yourself and your kids. Explore the options available on healthcare exchanges or through private insurers. You can still get coverage, even if your employer doesn't provide it.
Emergency Funds: If you have any emergency savings, now might be the time to tap into those funds to cover immediate expenses. It's challenging, but having a financial buffer can provide some relief during transitional periods.
Community Resources: Reach out to local community organizations, charities, or social services that might offer assistance during tough times. They might be able to provide support with food, utilities, or other essentials.
Job Search Support: Offer support to your husband as he searches for a new job. This could include helping with resume writing, networking, and exploring potential opportunities together.
Financial Counseling: Consider seeking advice from a financial counselor or advisor who can provide guidance on managing your budget, prioritizing expenses, and navigating through challenging financial situations.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help from friends, family, or community resources during difficult times. Seeking professional advice, both financial and emotional, can make a significant difference. You're not alone, and there are resources available to support you through this challenging period.

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:08 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Hugs, this is so hard. I’m going through something similar

First of all, the marketplace is in open enrollment now (but anyways losing a job is a life event that would give him usually 60 days to get coverage regardless) if he enrolls now he’ll get coverage for 2/1. And if his salary is currently zero and your salary is very little, you might all be eligible for Medicaid, which won’t be easy re your kids like you said but at least it will be free or very low cost with great coverage

Second, he should definitely look into unemployment benefits to see if he’s eligible.

Tomorrow he will be speaking to a health insurance broker to figure out what our best options are.
Where I live Medicaid has terrible coverage. Unless you are illegally present in the USA. I mean then you get covered, no hassles. No need to prove income because they have no social security number to be tracked by. No real paperwork. I am venting here but don't want to make it a political discussion. It's just that from the place I work at I see this first hand. I am just venting.

I mean medicaid is great if you want the ER. Totally free. But for specialists it is a huge hassle. If we have to pay for medication out of pocket we likely will be better with regular insurance. Crazy... Crying

amother

Honey

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:09 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

This seems like an AI written response.

amother

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:18 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

Thank you. Yes, we have supported our local tomchei Shabbos in the past. Nothing much but we would send something in. Few hundred here or there. Now I think is the time we have to take with the intention that when we get out of this mess we can give back again. But I hate taking that step...
I contacted the school. Tuition is a huge burden. They are going to hold the check for this month. BH.
I am not sure who else to turn to.
I am going to try to get overtime hours and take an extra shift...
Husband has to focus on applying for new jobs. He has a graduate degree and is highly skilled. But the market isn't great.

We were responsible people, got jobs, worked crazy hours. And now in this mess.
So frustrating that moms who never worked got so much help. Tomchei gave them lots of help despite the fact that they could work. And the last time we asked for help when he got laid off previously we got no help. Because I had a job. Oh wait, They offered their career counselor who couldnt help DH because he has too much experience and has an advanced degree. No one will hire him to stock shelves at a grocery store. It was a total waste of time when he could have been applying for jobs. So nervous about asking again.

amother

Daffodil

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 1:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

I understand the frustration and stress you're going through. It's indeed a challenging situation, and your concerns are valid. Seeking help when needed is a responsible and necessary step, and organizations like Tomchei Shabbos are there precisely for times like these.

Your proactive approach in reaching out to the school and exploring additional work opportunities shows resilience. Remember that it's okay to ask for support from various sources, and reaching out to community resources can provide the assistance you need during these tough times.

Job markets can be unpredictable, and securing a new position may take time. While it's frustrating, continue focusing on your strengths and the skills your husband brings to the table. Utilizing professional networks, online platforms, and staying persistent in the job search can increase the chances of finding suitable opportunities.

You're not alone in facing these challenges, and your willingness to navigate through them is commendable. If there are specific areas where you'd like advice or support, feel free to share, and I'm here to help in any way I can. Wishing you and your family strength during this period.

amother

Oak

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:06 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

Omg AI. Does anyone in real life speak this way?

amother

Yolk

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:09 pm

OP, I'm reaching out to let you know that unfortunately I'm in the same predicament. I work as much as possible, yet is far far from what we need. DH was laid off as well. We have a nice size family and are making Bar Mitzvah now. Tuition has to be paid, life continues running. I too have 2 precious children with special needs, who require more help than a typical child.
I receive the box from tomchei shabbos, but I need the world to know that they do not provide money or the necessities needed for shabbos. They give very minimal food, far from enough for a family. You can also not predict what you will recieve as every week they give different stuff, according to what donations they recieve from groceries (many times it's leftover fruits/vegetables or non-selling goods).
It's a nice extra but you can't count on this for meals.

If you want Peer support, I'm willing to speak. Your welcome to reach out to me at BTDT.HUG@GMAIL.COM Heart

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:28 pm

Op - hang in there!
You are doing great by asking the schools to wait, and reaching out to Tomchei shabbos
Also - look into collecting unemployment. If you are comftorable posting location, there may be other resources that you can access.

It may be awkward - but sometimes there are non- jewish food pantries that have goods that are kosher.

If you feel comfortable posting your husbands field and where/ what he is looking for, someone here may have a lead.

also check out this for job leads
https://macherusa.com/jewish-jobs

IMH may he find a new job, quickly, for much more money then he is making currently.

In my experience, we have always ended up in a better position after the few months of hardship.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jan 07 2024, 3:58 pm

Been in your shoes a few times in the past few years. Last in first out when the company wasn't doing well and had lay offs.

The first big saver was contacting the schools. Bh they all worked with us. Second try to get unemployment. It's a hassle and takes take (to process and his time).

In terms of insurance, losing a job is a qualified life experience and allows off season sign up. It may mean not seeing a specialist for a month or 2.

There are a bunch of frum online and whatsapp job groups. Some communities have job centers to help network and find jobs.

It's a rough patch. You need lots of bitachon and tefilla. You will get through this.