S/O - boys and girls not sharing rooms - from when?

amother

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:23 am

From what age would you say a brother and sister shouldn't share a room?
Is there a difference between in general & occasionally on a vacation?

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:25 am

Mine are 3 (almost 4) and 6, and I already don’t let because my 6 year old is always commenting about tushes and trying to pull down his pants.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:27 am

At beginning of puberty it’s definitely inappropriate. But usually before that. As soon as they are aware of differences for some it’s 6.

amother

Plum

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:33 am

I would let them share till the oldest is 10/ both genders are 6 (whichever comes first- so 4&6 is ok, 6&8 is not. 4&8 is ok, 4&10 is not) for regular room sharing and till bar/bat mitzvah for vacations.

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:42 am

A boy 9+ shouldn't share with a girl 3+, afaik.

So an 8 YO boy could share with his 16 YO sister, even though that might seem strange.

I think until the recent century or so, everyone except the rich shared a room, and the whole family slept in the family bed, so the above is a guideance not a halacha.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 8:49 am

amother NeonOrange wrote:

The entire family sharing a room, is different than just a brother & sister sharing.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:45 am

Depends on personalities, if older sibling is a boy/girl, practical room arrangements…

I grew up in a small apartment and shared with my younger brother till I was a teen and he was 9. Once we split, he got his own room and a few of us girls had to crowd into another room. Wasn’t a great arrangement but we didn’t have any other options.

Now Ds 9 has his own room (had that since we moved a few years ago.) Dd 7 and ds 4 share a room and probably will for a while- they get along great and it works out well.

Ds 2 also has his own room. Eventually, as they get older and with more kids we’ll move things around.

ETA- yes I think vacation is different.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:49 am

Its great that you all have big enough homes where siblings of different genders dont have to share.
I have a relative, 2 bedroom home. 7 kids. The parents slept in one, all the kids slept in the other. Everyone changed in the bathroom.

I have a friend. 3 bedrooms. 5 kids. One for the parents. One for 3 boys. One for one girl and one boy. They shared into their teens. There was no other room.

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:52 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

I would imagine 7 in one room is a lot less complicated than one boy and one girl in the room alone.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:53 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

They can create separations, with mechitzas or curtains etc…There really isn’t an excuse to do it. And many wrongs don’t make a right, so you can bring all the examples of people that did it, it’s still inappropriate for teens to share.

amother

Apple

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:56 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

This exactly.

This thread is like asking how many sinks or ovens we have

BH for those on this thread who have enough bedrooms to house their kids in the exact way they think is appropriate

The rest of us make do.

Iymnok

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 9:58 am

I saw a very old dira in yerushalayim. The large back room was split into two rooms. One for parents/work, one for the kids, boys on one side, girls on the other.
The baby was in a drawer.

I assume that this type of set up was standard for centuries across various countries.

Sometimes the table and chairs were moved to make space for sleeping at night.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:04 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

People that I know in that situation will have teens of one gender sleep in the living room area.

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:05 am

We just went away for shabbos, with three kids- two boys (11 and 1) and one girl (7)
All three of them shared a room, and my husband and I had another room. The door in between was open the entire night. It happens to be I ended up sleeping in their room half the night on Friday night. If we have this situation again, I would put my older son with my husband, and I would sleep with the younger two. If the two older kids (16 and 14) are also with us, we would either get a third room or have them all share one or have the girls (and baby) in one room and the boys in another room.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:05 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

I live in Israel and apartments are *small*. Still nobody would mix boys and girls sleeping arrangements. The boys would be sleeping in the living room on a sofa turning into beds and girls in the room.
My SIL with a three bedroom apt and 9 kids (six boys and three girls) had this set up. Two of the boys in the living room.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:11 am

My friend was an only girl with a lot of brothers. They were poor and lived in a small apartment. They cornered off the living room with curtains and she slept on a couch that turned into a bed. There are always ways to deal with it regardless of size of house and money.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:12 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

At that age (11 and down) I’d be fine for my kids to be together for a shabbos, no question.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:13 am

amother Apple wrote:

I respectfully disagree.
Sinks and ovens cannot be compared to sleeping arrangements of your kids. Sinks and ovens have no feelings. But kids have.

amother

Whitesmoke

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:20 am

amother OP wrote:

From what age would you say a brother and sister shouldn't share a room?
Is there a difference between in general & occasionally on a vacation?

If I’m not mistaken modern orthodox are always okay with it, because they don’t believe incest will occur. But, if someone else is modern orthodox and thinks I’m wrong, you can correct me.