S/O - boys and girls not sharing rooms - from when?

BrisketBoss

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:14 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I can't believe what I'm reading. Mutual activity?
It's punishable by the US law for heaven's sake!
Can you even see yourself asking a victim of incest if it was a mutual activity?

In the situation I'm talking about, there isn't a victim, so no.

If you have a victim and a perpetrator then it seems clear that there was abuse.

You hear about the former situation even less than the latter. Why talk about it?

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:20 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

In the situation I'm talking about, there isn't a victim, so no.

If you have a victim and a perpetrator then it seems clear that there was abuse.

Legally it may not be abuse but emotionally it is very destructive.
(Flowers in the attic, anyone?? Also for All of a Kind Family fans, there's a RL shocking reason why the "tante" in the story never married.))

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:23 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

Why didn’t she marry? It’s been years since I read it, and I don’t think I caught on as a kid.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:25 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

Why didn’t she marry? It’s been years since I read it, and I don’t think I caught on as a kid.

It's not mentioned in the books. It is in the bio of Sydney Taylor. I think it was mama's sister and brother who had an incestuous relationship as teens that basically ruined tante and she never married. There was a lot of dysfunction in that family.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:30 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Why talk about it? Surprised

It's an avera.

amother

Arcticblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:32 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

The entire family sharing a room, is different than just a brother & sister sharing.

Right. Like 3 kids in a room would bother me less.

Ema of 5

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:32 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

That’s so sad

BrisketBoss

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:34 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Why talk about it? Surprised

It's an avera.

As in, what motive would siblings who experimented together have for telling other people about their experience?

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 10:39 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

As in, what motive would siblings who experimented together have for telling other people about their experience?

Everyone needs to know that such acts are forbidden by Halacha.
And no, I don't expect them to reveal it.

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:02 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I can't believe what I'm reading. Mutual activity?
It's punishable by the US law for heaven's sake!
Can you even see yourself asking a victim of incest if it was a mutual activity?

These types of thingss are asked by court... Legitimate question

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:05 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Everyone needs to know that such acts are forbidden by Halacha.
And no, I don't expect them to reveal it.

Usually when it happens, the kids are two young to really comprehend what is going on....

A coworker once tp;d me about a with a 12 year old pregnant from her twin brother Crying

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:31 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Usually when it happens, the kids are two young to really comprehend what is going on....

A coworker once tp;d me about a with a 12 year old pregnant from her twin brother Crying

Parents are responsible to educate their children and especially their daughters in this matter.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:33 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

I know of families that store mattresses away during the day, then put on floor even under a table as necessary in the living area space. It is doable.

Maybe for my relatives it isnt doable.
I said what they do. Not sure why everyone is disecting my post. Or giving ideas.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:34 am

amother Mistyrose wrote:

I know a family who had this. One son slept on the couch. The other slept on a mattress that was half under the table once they pushed the table against the wall.

When people sleep, they often don't stay covered. I don't think it's right to put a pre teen or teen boy in a room with his sister whose shirt may ride up, or nightgown or Pj pants. Even if he doesn't touch, he sees. A room divider helps, but it's still complicated when the room has a door. Are there situations where it may be unavoidable? Maybe. But I don't think that changes the default of "don't do it unless you have no choice, and even then, think again, and talk to the kids involved."

They had no choice. The kids all slept completely covered. Not skimpy pjs.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:38 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Yup, and additionally there isn't always a perpetrator or a victim. Sometimes there's no power imbalance and thus no apparent damage . Similar to sibling violence.

There is always a power play, it’s always an abusive relationship even if they want to deny it.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:40 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

There is always a power play, it’s always an abusive relationship even if they want to deny it.

Why do you think there is always a power play? It could literally be two siblings experimenting together.
Not great, but not abuse.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:40 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

Maybe for my relatives it isnt doable.
I said what they do. Not sure why everyone is disecting my post. Or giving ideas.

They seem to live extremely cramped I must say. I doubt they enjoy it.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:42 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

As I said, there was no room. Couch, large table. That was it. Why is this so hard to comprehend?

I was in the tiniest apartment in existence. You stood in one spot and could touch everything in the room that’s how small it was. They still managed to have the girl sleep there so she wasn’t in the boys’ room. Having seen very small spaces all pull it off…if there is a will there is way.

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Jan 08 2024, 11:43 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

Why do you think there is always a power play? It could literally be two siblings experimenting together.
Not great, but not abuse.

It just doesn’t work that way. All unnatural relationships involve a power play.