Too friendly relationship with boss

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amother

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 6:30 pm

Hi,

This happened a few years ago but it is still on my mind

I was single for quite a few years and worked in a non Jewish environment with one Jewish man, who was my boss

It never got crazy (I never even called him by his first name) but I definitely was friendlier then just a professional relationship (seeing as we were the only two frum people in this workplace)

BH I got married and we both moved on to different jobs.

Every once in a while I wonder about this.

I’m sure his wife heard about me and I really hope she has no tainos (again, nothing happened between us but now that I am married I know I wouldn’t want a girl being friendly to my husband)

My question is should I call her and ask her Mechila? I have no problem if it is the right thing (of course I will feel really stupid) but I am concerned it may just bring something up with her and put ideas in her mind. Like will she be wondering what went on??

Honestly not sure what to do

(Btw I suffer from postpartum anxiety and I tend to overthink things to an obsessive degree so not sure if this is just me overthink again)

amother

Azalea

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 6:35 pm

Absolutely do not call her!! Nothing happened bh and calling her would make it look like something did.

123

weasley

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 6:36 pm

Whatever you do don't call his wife. You'll be making problems when there is none!

Mazal tov enjoy your baby and when these thoughts come up just know your over thinking....

amother

Ultramarine

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:14 pm

O no I would freak if dh secretary calls to ask mechila. Just use it as a learning experience , daven to Hashem to protect anyone in this situation and try to move on

amother

Lavender

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:22 pm

Agree with everyone else. You’ll just be hurting her if you do.

amother

Glitter

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:26 pm

You are overthinking. It’s the anxiety talking. What tools do you have in place for when this thinking happens? Because it’s going to be something else soon.
🫂

amother

Acacia

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:28 pm

Chill. You didn’t do anything.

amother

RosePink

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:31 pm

NO.
And I cannot stress that enough.

amother

Narcissus

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 7:43 pm

No. If you were to do that it would be to make yourself feel better but would it help her- obviously not, just the opposite. Sometimes good intentions are really selfish... just something to think about.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 8:10 pm

I really believe what you’re going through is intrusive thoughts. You don’t have to call. You’re good and you didn’t do anything wrong. I get intrusive thoughts postpartum. It’s very stressful

synthy

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 8:14 pm

It’s normal to feel this way when you are postpartum. After my first baby I came up with so many strong emotions about things that happened years ago, or I’d blow stupid little things way out of proportion… just know it’s the anxiety talking. You’re good.

amother

Coral

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 8:40 pm

What narcissus said. What do you imagine would be the point? Your "apology" would get your misplaced guilt off your chest , lucky virtuous you, and ruin this woman's peace at best, her marriage at worst. IOW, accomplish exactly what you feared your "inappropriate" relationship would do way back when.

BrachaBatya

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 9:04 pm

No way! Do not call!!!!!!!!

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 11:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why do you think so? And even if her husband mentioned you, it doesnt mean he mentioned anything orher than the fact that there was another frim person at work.
Its in the past. There is literally NO purpose for you to say anything.

Queen Of Hearts

Tue, Jan 16 2024, 11:47 pm

amother Coral wrote:

THIS!!!

lkwdmum

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 5:49 am

No don't call!!!

amother

Orange

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 8:43 am

Is there something you’re not telling us? Because what you’re describing is a perfectly fine relationship. Nowadays people are encouraged to have very strict gedarim “just in case” but what you did is not inappropriate.

Talk this through with a therapist.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 8:48 am

OP, what exactly did you do with this boss that warrants an apology? You say you never even called him by his first name...
There is NOTHING wrong with being friendly.
What is wrong is developing a physical connection, or a deep emotional connection.
People put up a geder- a GEDER- and try not to be overly friendly in order not to lead towards doing something actually wrong. But you need to understand its a geder and is certainly not comparable to having an emotionally intimate or physical connection with a man.

So I ask you, please tell us, what exactly did you do with him that was wrong?

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 10:09 am

I really don't see that rehashing something that happened several years ago is going to make anyone feel better.

essie14

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 10:44 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I really don't see that rehashing something that happened several years ago is going to make anyone feel better.

There's not even anything to rehash.
OP , do not call anyone.

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