Lakewood girls in high school midterms

amother

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:11 pm

Is it true that all the “normal” girls spend $30-$50 a day on food and Lakeway’s during midterms in Lakewood? That it’s totally normal for parents to pay for it? And that going to Sesame and Rosemary for lunch during midterms is a must? I’m honestly super confused. My daughter is in ninth grade in a mainstream Lakewood high school and bh is very popular and insists she’s the only one who doesn’t have a midterm allowance. She does have tons of money from babysitting and the like but says none of her friends have to pay for their “midterm expenses”. Bh I can afford to pay for these things but it seems like such a materialistic shallow thing to do and would not want to encourage it. Thought?

amother

Black

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:22 pm

Don't get me started. Especially in 9th grade it's a total social thing. Some girls feel like they have to study with someone every single day and some girls sometimes can study by themselves but yes they go out to eat and if mothers work or can't drive them around they're busy wasting money on car services from here to there to there.

I can also afford it, but it annoys me to no end. I actually begged my daughter to have the girls come here and I'll order in pizza or something but nope they weren't interested.

At least two schools this year had some sort of chart where the girls get something if they aren't spending their parents money in eateries Etc but in our school the prize was like a plus one and it just was not worth it for a lot of the girls for such a small return.

amother

Peony

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:26 pm

Oh boy this is interesting. I have an 8th grader so I guess this is what’s in store. Curious, any schools have less of this than others ?

amother

Almond

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:33 pm

It's across the board, walk into almost any eatery during midterm season and there will be a range of uniforms. That being said, my daughter doesn't go every day and they don't go higher end. I also don't allow car services so that's not an expense that adds up quickly that I don't pay, but I do a fair bit of driving instead

amother

Oldlace

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:39 pm

My 9th grade daughter and I discussed it before mid terms started and came to a compromise. She pays for any necessary lakeway and eating out, but I happily drive her to and from school, and to and from friends houses to study.

I started paying her when she babysits her siblings this year, in order for her to have money for these fun extras. I see that she is much more responsible and making better decisions when she has to pay for her own partying.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 7:45 pm

They use their own Money!! They babysit and use their money. And some days they study at friends they only went to j2, Breadberry, and sesame. They got rides and carpools. No lakeway

The 9th grade teacher made a joke it’s important to study with friends. That’s when they make their new friends but she said I told the girls they don’t have to support every eatery in town!!!

amother

Moonstone

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:12 pm

And they visit their sisters in elementary with expensive iced coffees or slushies.
This happens in Brooklyn too. But getting from place to place is easier
And it’s usually pizza or an ice cream place.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:18 pm

I’m not that long out of hs but it’s def gotten worse. We went out to eat 2-3 times a week and we all used our babysitting money. Our parents drove us home from our friends - we only went to eateries in walking distance to friends homes.
To those who’s daughters don’t have money from babysitting then sorry that’s not ur problem. Why doesn’t she have money? I do think it’s fair of parents who can afford it to give their daughters a reasonable allowance (20 a week?) during midterm and if she wants more she can work for her money….

amother

Hosta

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:18 pm

I learned about this on this site last year.
So happy I don’t need to deal with it where I live bh.
Good luck to all the mothers who had to navigate this nonsense and peer pressure this week.

amother

Blue

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:28 pm

We definitely partied about fifteen years ago in Brooklyn. We went out for lunch, took the train to the city, went shopping and studied in hotels. But we did it on our own dime. I got a $20 allowance every week to spend to my discretion, plus I babysat.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:30 pm

DD in sem now, went to a big Lakewood high school.
First of all, it’s not every day. 1-2 times a week for 2 weeks.
Second, school discouraged it and made incentives
Third, DD had to use her allowance. She would spend less in preceding month knowing she would want to spend more the next month. I know allowance is old fashion but it’s really only way teens learn to budget. Even better is for her to use her own money from babysitting or summer job.
Hatzlacha

amother

Trillium

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:30 pm

It got so out of control in Lakewood and causes so much social and peer pressure (money, who is friends with who, high standards) I think the schools should revamp their midterm schedule. Nothing good is coming out of this. The wealthy girls with tons of friends party away and everyone else suffers.

Not to mention why has it become the norm to eat out so much? What kind of life are we teaching our children to have? Happiness isn't found this way but how will they ever know that if this is the life they and their friends are pursuing?

amother

Peach

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:37 pm

I’m curious to know how much actual studying happens this way?🤣

I’m sure students can be so much more productive in an environment more suited for studying …

amother

Valerian

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:37 pm

DD is in 12th grade.
By now, it's mostly tapered off to picking up an iced coffee and then going to a friend's house.

The Lakeway and car service is a problem though.
But the weird schedules that don't always have busses, and studying with friends has been around for ever- not only in Lakewood.
The problem is that there's no public transportation.
If I live in Westgate, we send to Oros, there's no busses and my daughter's close friends live in Raintree and Sterling Forest, what are the options? Leaving work to drive her to her midterm, then leaving work to pick her up and drop her off at a friend.....
I end up spending more than I want on Lakeway.

We communicate about the costs, and she covers some.

But we have to be realistic. $20 wouldn't cover the ride to and from school.

amother

Black

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 8:46 pm

Yes, last yr we gave $20 cash. Anything more was her responsibility to pay. I refused to give her a CC out of principle.

This yr, pick up is very hard, but if there's no bus at dismissal & if I can't get there or carpool, I can't make her pay for a Lakeway. That's what's annoying me this year.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Jan 18 2024, 9:16 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

There are busses. Girls just don’t want to wait for them.
If I wanted to study with a friend I went to her house on the bus…