Daughter not accepted in a school. Anyone else?

amother

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 6:56 pm

I pulled my daughter out of school for various reasons. To start, the school was new when I put in and over the first 3 years the parent body in the school changed alot. Also, her class was not a good influence on her and thirdly, for unknown reasons the school marked her as laid back just so they can get funds but they wouldn't work with me and tell me where she's lacking.

I've been trying to get Into a new school for almost 2 years now. This year I decided enough is enough and didn't send her back in Sept.

It seems like monsey schools wouldn't even look at you if you are a "transfer". I have askanim trying to help but so far she's still not in school.

Anyone else going thru this?

Teacher_EW

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 7:15 pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Must be so difficult! How old is your daughter?

It sounds like you were looking out for her by pulling her out of her school. Can I ask what school you pulled out of? And what type of school you are trying to get into?

amommy3

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 7:26 pm

I'd rather not post the school cause I don't want to bash it. It's a neutral chassidish school in monsey. We are regular chassidish family, belong to a chassidus but the school we belong to is not for us (not everyone in a chassidus is cookie cutter and the schools dont seem to care). We have our rebbe trying to help us get in somewhere too but it's like talking to a wall.

Rav shlesinger has been a huge help too but for some reason it's taking FOREVER! I'm wondering if we are the only one going thru this or others are struggling too.

My daughter is is lower middle school grade .

amother

Bone

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:13 pm

OP, I can just imagine which school you're talking about, and unfortunately, other schools have a hard time accepting girls from that school.
Perhaps if you belong to a certain sect & are ready to abide to their school rules & hashkafa, they'd accept you more easily?
Do you drive? If so, the options for chassidish schools are limited to basically 2 schools, which I imagine your daughter was in one of them.
Loads of luck!

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I had this with my daughter as well. We had some of the same issues as you, but also other issues as well. In particular there was an issue with one of the principals. Finally there was an incident that broke the camel’s back, and I said I am absolutely not sending her back in September. We spoke to a big Rav we are close with, explained the situation. He agreed she couldn’t go back, and we tried to get her into another school. We ended up homeschooling her for one year, and tried to get her back into school (not the previous one) but no one would take her. BH she ended up in a wonderful school that was very different than our hashkafa, but was very good for her. Unfortunately the high school of that school isn’t as great, but we are dealing.

amother

Pistachio

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:36 pm

I lived in a different community and I pulled out my kids and local schools didn’t want to accept them. So I moved somewhere else and they were happy to take my kids. It’s not so simple but ultimately it was the best move for the entire family. It might be something to consider.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:36 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

Once a kid is out of school for awhile they are behind and it's hard for a school to work with her. Is she very behind ? Have you tried Chabad? I think they will work with you.

This is not necessarily true. My daughter was actually behind in the school she originally attended because their overall academics were not up to par. Her teacher that we hired for that year to teach her brought her up to grade level.

amommy3

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:45 pm

amother Zinnia wrote:

Once a kid is out of school for awhile they are behind and it's hard for a school to work with her. Is she very behind ? Have you tried Chabad? I think they will work with you.

Unfortunately at this point maybe she's a bit behind . She's been out for school since Sept. She goes to 3 tutors every day and I've been talking to mothers in her grade and I dont beleive she's so behind. Of course once she's in a school she'll go to more tutors to ensure she's up to par. But I'm not afraid as I know in chumash, kriah, reading and math she's way above her age due to the help I've been giving her.

amommy3

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:47 pm

amother Pistachio wrote:

That's not an option. My boys are very happy and I won't uproot them.

amommy3

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 8:48 pm

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

This is where I feel I'm at this point. This gives me hope. I feel it's so unfair for schools not to look at transfers. There's reasons people need to switch schools. Why should the kids suffer.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 9:06 pm

amommy3 wrote:

This is where I feel I'm at this point. This gives me hope. I feel it's so unfair for schools not to look at transfers. There's reasons people need to switch schools. Why should the kids suffer.

The schools here wouldn’t look at her because she was homeschooled for a year. So instead of talking to us about it, they judged HER. Makes me want to vomit. The chinuch in our chinuch system is sorely lacking.

amommy3

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 9:15 pm

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

I'm really staying positive thruought this entire ordeal cause I don't want it to hurt any slim chance of schools even seeing my response Smile

but yes, I felt like yelling. I took out of a school cause I want BETTER. And this is how u get treated. I know it hypocritical but the question I ask myself is 'why are u even trying to be better?' am I crazy fir feeling that way?

Princess23

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:53 am

amother OP wrote:

Have you thought about homeschooling?

amother

Taupe

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 7:55 pm

I have had the same issue. Because ur a good mom and don’t want to put up with whatever it is the school is doing or you disagree and speak up you are looked down upon and banned. It amazes me how We pay an arm and a leg for tuition yet We have to agree with everything and have no say and if I speak up respectfully that is looked down upon. We have to give away our life savings and shut up or our kids will have no school. Broken system. All the schools just talk between themselves and don’t give u a chance. I wish I had good advice other than moving out of town where schools may be more open minded.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 8:07 pm

Princess23 wrote:

Have you thought about homeschooling?

I wouldn’t recommend homeschooling unless you plan to homeschool through 12th grade, and possibly not just that child. I’m a big fan of homeschool, when done properly, but the schools are not. They will grill you if you have a child who was homeschooled, and will give you a very hard time, or very possibly even just outright not accept your child, even if the child you are applying for isn’t the one who was homeschooled.

amommy3

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 8:13 pm

I have been homeschooling her for 6 months now (since sept). Honestly, I'm enjoying every second of it but I wouldn't do it long term. First off, I work full time . Secondly, in the heimish world homeschooling is looked down at. I don't want my child to be an outcast.

amother

Indigo

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 8:36 pm

Just want to say I commiserate. I had to pull DS age 13 out of his cheder in Monsey due to being treated by the rebbe and the principals were not willing to work with us. DS is home every day until about 12:30 , then goes to his tutor and then goes to school for 2 hours or so to his afternoon rebbe. Reb. Schlesinger also told us to pull him out and he also could not assist with finding him a replacement school. We have multiple askanim working on our behalf . At this point we are lucky it’s his last year of elementary. But this may affect him being accepted into a mesivta now.