Do you give your husband a baby gift?

lamplighter

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:30 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

I gave him a card when he went back to school after the birth of our first child. I wrote something nice about how our lives would never be the same and I was so happy to be on this adventure with him. Sure I gave him a baby too, but becoming a father is a huge milestone and deserves to be acknowledged. Why is everyone so bitter about this lol

You were celebrating his role as a father not feeling bad for being a mother on his expense.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:35 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Did you give him a card because you felt bad & sorry that you had a baby & you need to care for the baby?

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:40 pm

lamplighter wrote:

You were celebrating his role as a father not feeling bad for being a mother on his expense.

Exactly. No one here is discounting the gift itself, its the thought process behind the gift.

If its 'thinking of you while we're adjusting to the new baby' or celebrating his role as a father - that's nice.

If it's 'I feel bad for you for getting less attention while I'm recovering from labor & delivery plus 9 months of pregnancy, while tending to the newborn, and trying to manage all the usual household responsibilities, while my hormones are out of whack and internal organs are shifting back into position' - that's warped.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:46 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

My husband got attention too after we had our baby, not just the baby and me. He became a father and everyone commented on what a great one he was BH. And both of our attentions were focused on the baby, not just mine.

I think people are getting triggered at the thought of getting a man a present because the woman just went through hell so that they can have a child. The husband had an or-gasm, that’s about all he contributed. Okay maybe he did some more childcare and housework than his wife during pregnancy but that is nothing compared to the nausea, the constant being discomfort being in your own skin towards the end of pregnancy because your pelvis feels like it’s breaking, the agonizing labor, the postpartum painful recovery, nursing!

This. The concept is just getting me angry . I should feel sorry for my husband because I just went through h-ell to give him a child ??!!!
And no he didn’t do extra childcare or housework . And if he did, he did it with a nasty attitude . You can get a gift for :
Congratulations on becoming a father
Or
Thank you for taking care the household while I vomited 10 times a day .

But the way op phrased it just makes my blood boil for some reason . I can’t even quite put my finger on it. It just does.

My Best Self

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:57 pm

I wrote my husband a card with a small gift, just to say thank you for all the support he gave me throughout the pregnancy and especially after the baby. He was the mother and father at home while holding down a full time job.

Nothing wrong with showing some appreciation. We don't have to take it for granted. It doesn't discount the fact that your life and body were turned upside down for 9 months plus.

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:00 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Because of the thought process. She implied that since he is getting less attention from her when she is postpartum, it means that she loves him less, and he is being neglected. So she gives him a gift to counter it.

If focusing on yourself and baby postpartum is interpreted as such, then its extremely upsetting.

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:05 pm

My Best Self wrote:

Again, thanking him for support is very different from sending a gift to make up for 'neglecting' and 'caring for him less' while you're postpartum with new baby.

zohar

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:10 pm

Op, first of all, is you husband actually feeling neglected? Or are you just assuming that? I think there can be two unhealthy possibilities going on that are making people feel uncomfortable with this attitude. Not with the gift itself. If it was a celebratory gift I don't think anyone would have a problem with it.

Possibility#1: He is not feeling neglected but you have internalized the message that you must always be fully available for your husband and you're feeling guilty for no reason. Your husband may even feel insulted if you express these feelings to him.

Possibility #2, which is the one I think is more likely, is that in your family the men are shut out of child care. Baby is born. Mama and baby are taken care by other female relatives and the husbands are pushed off to the side. They are not included in the care for the baby so their feeling of neglect is very real. But the cure to that is to include him in parenthood. He's not an observer. If he's a partner in caring for the baby, feeling neglected and ignored just doesn't come into the picture. He is not another child that you have to juggle between him and baby. You and he are partners and are joined in this beautiful and challenging mission in raising your precious baby.

Ps. After writing this out, I realize that both rains are closely related....

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 9:21 pm

Genius wrote:

Can I say how I’m enjoying the different expressions everyone is using to describe the same thing? I’m chuckling to myself while my extra baby fat is shuckling like kutchanyu. (Rocking like fish sauce)

BatZion

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 12:57 pm

Read only the first page.
Just when you thought we (as a society) couldn't get any more bizarre...
Come on guys you just held that gift for nine months and then pushed it outta your body.
Your husband is a grown man.
He doesn't need cute little gifts.
You just birthed him the biggest gift.
And you will navigate parenthood together. As couples have done forever.
He will be okay without a gift, I promise lol.

amother

Sage

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 12:59 pm

No.

He should give me one for growing, carrying and birthing a baby AND for helping him fulfill his mitzvah of peru urevuh

I don't actually expect a gift. I think the whole gift thing is interesting. Nice, but shouldn't be an expectation.