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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Feb 08 2024, 9:17 pm
I would like to get this man I met a gift.
He isn't frum but his parents where Holocaust survivors and he is very knowledgeable.
I was thinking about a sefer on emunah.
Could anyone recommend something?
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socialbutterfly
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Thu, Feb 08 2024, 9:20 pm
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singleagain
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Thu, Feb 08 2024, 10:01 pm
Why would you get him a book on emunah? Did he express interest in this topic? Did you have a conversation with him about this?
I would be highly insulted if someone got me a book about emunah. It would seem to me that they were telling me I don't have enough emunah.
What is the reason for this gift? What have you learned about this man? Besides that, he was the child of Holocaust survivors.
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amother
Lightgreen
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Thu, Feb 08 2024, 10:06 pm
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It sounds like you don’t want to give him a gift. You want to be able to SAY you gave him a gift. Don’t get him a book on emunah unless he expressed an interest in it
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BatyaEsther
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Thu, Feb 08 2024, 10:06 pm
| singleagain wrote: | Why would you get him a book on emunah? Did he express interest in this topic? Did you have a conversation with him about this?
I would be highly insulted if someone got me a book about emunah. It would seem to me that they were telling me I don't have enough emunah.
What is the reason for this gift? What have you learned about this man? Besides that, he was the child of Holocaust survivors. |
This!
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imthatawesome
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Thu, Feb 08 2024, 10:10 pm
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Maybe get him a massager or a weighted blanket? My grandfather loves those
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amother
OP
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 2:39 am
I specifically want to get him an English sefer.
We met in a store and we kept up with each other and he would like to learn more about being Jewish and we were talking about having emunah.
But it doesn't have to be about emunah.
Because of my son who was putting on tefillin this man put on tefillin on my sons bo bayom. He is 73 and last time he put on tefillin he was 13.
So I want to get something that has to do with being Jewish.
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singleagain
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 4:46 am
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you said he wants to learn..... About what specifically?
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amother
DarkPurple
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 7:10 am
Avigdor Miller's books are quite classic and for the most part, a very wide range of jewish ppl were able to gain alot from them. It's possible the one on Emunah might be a little much for an elderly man, what about the biography of his life? or even R rubashkin's book is very inspiring, and a lot easier to read than an intense emunah book.
On that note I would reccommend a biography on a gadol or a great person might be a good in-between.
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amother
Mustard
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 7:34 am
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"This is My G-d" by Herman Wouk (famous frum novelist of the 40s-70s) is well written and doesn't hit someone over the head.
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amother
Cadetblue
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 8:14 am
| amother DarkPurple wrote: | Avigdor Miller's books are quite classic and for the most part, a very wide range of jewish ppl were able to gain alot from them. It's possible the one on Emunah might be a little much for an elderly man, what about the biography of his life? or even R rubashkin's book is very inspiring, and a lot easier to read than an intense emunah book.
On that note I would reccommend a biography on a gadol or a great person might be a good in-between. |
I don’t know most of his works, but I typically find that Rav Avigdor Miller does not resonate with me. It is definitely a know your audience.
Good luck in finding the right selection.
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amother
Hyssop
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 8:57 am
| amother Lightgreen wrote: | | It sounds like you don’t want to give him a gift. You want to be able to SAY you gave him a gift. Don’t get him a book on emunah unless he expressed an interest in it |
Would have been nice had you asked OP why she's thinking of giving a book on Emunah before sayiny she 'wants to SAY she gave a gift rather then really wanting to'.
Another poster asked and she explained her reasoning which explains her choice of present.
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amother
Salmon
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 10:12 am
| amother Mustard wrote: | | "This is My G-d" by Herman Wouk (famous frum novelist of the 40s-70s) is well written and doesn't hit someone over the head. |
This sounds good
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amother
Brass
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 10:25 am
You'll go with your instinct, but -
I agree that giving a book on emuna to a non frum person is risky, as some could become insulted. It can be ok, but in general nobody likes if it feels like someone is trying be mekariv them without their initiating & expressing interest in it.
I like the Jewish concept that "your gashmiyus, is my ruchniyus" & unless you have a very good rapport with him & are at least fairly certain he'd appreciate something Jewish/ on emuna, I'd maybe stick with a gift card, or a food basket, if he likes coffee, chocolate or wine to go in that direction.
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amother
Tuberose
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 10:43 am
| amother OP wrote: | I specifically want to get him an English sefer.
We met in a store and we kept up with each other and he would like to learn more about being Jewish and we were talking about having emunah.
But it doesn't have to be about emunah.
Because of my son who was putting on tefillin this man put on tefillin on my sons bo bayom. He is 73 and last time he put on tefillin he was 13.
So I want to get something that has to do with being Jewish. |
OP, you sound lovely and thoughtful 😀
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amother
OP
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 11:16 am
| amother Brass wrote: | You'll go with your instinct, but -
I agree that giving a book on emuna to a non frum person is risky, as some could become insulted. It can be ok, but in general nobody likes if it feels like someone is trying be mekariv them without their initiating & expressing interest in it.
I like the Jewish concept that "your gashmiyus, is my ruchniyus" & unless you have a very good rapport with him & are at least fairly certain he'd appreciate something Jewish/ on emuna, I'd maybe stick with a gift card, or a food basket, if he likes coffee, chocolate or wine to go in that direction. |
I don’t have that kind of relationship with him to give him a stam gift.
We met waiting on line in a store.
I was with my son who was having a bar mitzvah in a few weeks.
Clearly we looked Jewish.
This man started talking to us and told me that he is Jewish and his wife’s family was frum and didn’t want her marrying him because he wasn’t.
He even told me she went to the Mikva before their wedding.
Not sure why because this isn’t me but he was talking about his tefillin and I just blurted out that it would be a nice if he would put on tefillin on my sons birthday which he did.
He wanted to exchange numbers.
I invited him to my sons bar mitzvah but he couldn’t make it.
We text and speak on the phone.
He would like to learn something.
I am going to get him hooked up with partners in Torah.
I had a spooky incident.
We haven’t spoken in awhile and one day I just had a weird feeling that I wanted to say hi to him.
I got busy and didn’t call him for the next two weeks when he told me his sister in law died on the exact day I had a thought to call him.
What bothers me is that she wanted to be cremated and I feel so bad that if I called him when I thought to maybe I could have stopped it.
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amother
Brass
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 12:26 pm
Hi op, that's much more context, ty & hatzlacha, it sounds like he's a sensitive, spiritual neshama who might very well appreciate an English sefer then.
Do you have any ideas which sefer?
Maybe Rabbi Ashear books? They're filled with interesting stories.
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amother
Royalblue
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 1:00 pm
| amother Mustard wrote: | | "This is My G-d" by Herman Wouk (famous frum novelist of the 40s-70s) is well written and doesn't hit someone over the head. |
I like this because an elderly person might and I'm generalizing here, appreciate something written for his generation more than something more modern.
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socialbutterfly
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Fri, Feb 09 2024, 1:02 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I don’t have that kind of relationship with him to give him a stam gift.
We met waiting on line in a store.
I was with my son who was having a bar mitzvah in a few weeks.
Clearly we looked Jewish.
This man started talking to us and told me that he is Jewish and his wife’s family was frum and didn’t want her marrying him because he wasn’t.
He even told me she went to the Mikva before their wedding.
Not sure why because this isn’t me but he was talking about his tefillin and I just blurted out that it would be a nice if he would put on tefillin on my sons birthday which he did.
He wanted to exchange numbers.
I invited him to my sons bar mitzvah but he couldn’t make it.
We text and speak on the phone.
He would like to learn something.
I am going to get him hooked up with partners in Torah.
I had a spooky incident.
We haven’t spoken in awhile and one day I just had a weird feeling that I wanted to say hi to him.
I got busy and didn’t call him for the next two weeks when he told me his sister in law died on the exact day I had a thought to call him.
What bothers me is that she wanted to be cremated and I feel so bad that if I called him when I thought to maybe I could have stopped it. |
Sounds like a perfect gift. Not sure why people feel the need to micromanage your choice. You asked for suggestions on which book not which gift!
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