Chasidish women switching from shpitzel to wig

amother

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:32 pm

Why is it such a big deal in the chassidish community?
Somebody told me ppl who do this are “weird” “unstable” a “wannabe” etc.

If headgear is supposed to express a certain type or hashkafa, why is it such a huge issue for someone to switch to a headgear that fits her better?

I’m just curious if anyone can explain

amother

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:37 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Why do you want to understand it?

I’m not sure why I have to explain why I want to understand something, but I’m curious why the switch to a wig is so stigmatized in those communities if both a shpitzel and a wig are acceptable headgear

amother

Petunia

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:38 pm

Headgear is associated with a certain “type” of person. And this isn’t relegated to just the chassidish world. When I think very long, flowy wig, I think MO. When I think yeshivish, I think shoulder length wig. Not saying it’s right, but just how it is…

ShishKabob

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's a boatload of information. Usually if you're in the community you would know the answer, and if you're not from the community I wonder what's the burning desire to get to the bottom of it. It's totally cultural. And it's considered a step down, or lots of step downs for starters.

amother

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:41 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Oh ok.

I was just wondering. No burning desire to know lol

amother

Cobalt

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:44 pm

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

amother

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:47 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

That’s interesting

amother

Tomato

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:57 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

Both of these points are 100% false

A wig is not a step down in any community, for anyone. Covering one's natural hair is the mitzvah. Period.

It usually indicates that someone wants to be themselves, and have their headgear reflect who they really are, instead of wearing a costume all the time

amother

Starflower

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 10:17 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

You obviously don't come from a community that values Mesorah and you definitely don't understand Chassidus. Yes, taking a public step down usually shows some kind of unhappiness.

amother

Hawthorn

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 10:21 pm

It might be politically incorrect to say this, but changing your style of frumkeit definitely indicates a level of unhappiness with one’s current status or the way they were brought up. Obviously, otherwise they wouldn’t change to something else!
Being discontent and finding something else is not a bad thing at all, it’s important to serve Hashem in a way that’s meaningful to you and to be happy. But that doesn’t negate the fact that they were obviously unsettled and discontent with what they were raised with.

amother

Tomato

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 10:23 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

You obviously don't come from a community that values Mesorah and you definitely don't understand Chassidus. Yes, taking a public step down usually shows some kind of unhappiness.

You are obviously making baseless assumptions
I am indeed VERY chassidish
And I wear a hat over my wig, if you must know

Why is it OK to say that because someone's mom covers their wig, and as a couple they decide to change that, then it means she's unhappy? Unless you mean unhappy, as in unhappy that she is being forced to do something she doesn't feel is right for her

And what exactly does a public step down even mean!
Ew

amother

Feverfew

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 10:27 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

You obviously don't come from a community that values Mesorah and you definitely don't understand Chassidus. Yes, taking a public step down usually shows some kind of unhappiness.

An unhappiness that their outside doesn’t reflect who their neshama truly is on the inside . That doesn’t mean they are unhappy with themselves. It means they are unhappy with not being able to be authentically themselves and some need to veer away from that mesorah, as painful as it is to the family and community . It doesn’t mean they are less frum. It means they are actually feeling who they truly are on the inside and connect to their neshama deeply.

amother

Tomato

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:12 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

Exactly.

Rappel

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:26 pm

I think this is a universal phenomenon:

There is a community norm

Someone decides to behave in a way that doesn't follow community norm

They need to have a lot of energy behind their decision in order to overcome that social inertia.

Hence the terms you listed.

dankbar

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:29 pm

Headgear in these communities usually go by what the mom wears, it's automatically assumed and done that children will follow. Headgear are not made by choice when one gets married young, and is not even discussed with prospective spouse for them to decide together.
Therefore, after starting out with the presumed Headgear, and person themselves don't want that or spouse doesn't want that, now changing it is a big deal about the acceptance or non acceptance, back lash, or rejection they will need to stand with or sit with, from their family or surroundings who won't sit well with their decision and change

dankbar

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:33 pm

Yes but usually even in insular sheltered chassidish community you will see both, wig and shpitzel, some comm wigs will be covered with hat or band, but you still see both. It's not like there are communities that only consists with shpitzel, and now you are the only one standing out. You could stand out from your family, sometimes from your rabbinical lineage, or from your shul maybe.

amother

Caramel

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:35 pm

My friend's mother is a BT who put on a shpitzel. 30 years later, her daughter switched from a shpitzel to a wig.
Her mother faced far more scrutiny and judgment from her family and former community for putting on a shpitzel than my friend did for switching to a wig.
Even frum people who were close to her were getting riled up that this BT was putting on a shpitzel and judged her terribly and said she was extreme fanatical and would burn out. But that doesn't compare to how the secular family members reacted.

So I guess the lesson is that people judge when someone makes a change. It's just human nature.