I got a nice new car- everyone is commenting

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Camellia

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:05 am

amother Starflower wrote:

And to me a Sienna is a luxury. Dodge grand caravan anyone??

Of course a sienna is a luxury! And automatic sliding doors! And working air conditioning!

amother

Smokey

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:11 am

Clearly there are women on imamother who are just as jealous as the people in OPs life..

OP at the end of the day, you can’t control other people’s feelings or what comments they make. If you are not being purposefully insensitive, you are not shoving anything in anyone’s face or are not trying to hurt anyone, then you are not doing anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with spending your money how you want. The biggest issue I see you have is that you feel guilty, like you don’t deserve it. Like I said, you can’t control how others feel, but you can control how you do. Learn to accept what you have, learn to stop apologizing for it. Once you do, you won’t care what people say to you, I promise.

I personally have a lot of extravagant things, but I’m careful about how I present myself in certain situations to be sensitive to people who I know it can hurt. I don’t feel bad for what I have though, and when someone makes comments to me, all I feel is bad for them. Whether rich or poor, at least I’ll always have my middos, and never try to put someone down for having things I don’t have.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:22 am

amother OP wrote:

My husband job covers travel expenses as he travels to a different state. My bils employer pays for his car as well. My old boss used to as well. It’s very common.

Interesting... Not sure you how a wife's car goes under out of state travel expenses. From your first post when you said "his business is doing well" it sounded like he owns his own business, which is different than a perk from an employer.

Anyway, didn't mean to detail the thread. If you're going against the norm, you need to be prepared for unwanted attention, good or bad. In my neighborhood I feel like people fargin those doing well and everyone does their own thing. But there are still comments whenever anyone does something very out of the norm. People notice and comment.

amother

Crystal

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:34 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I'm very confused by the responses here
How is a SUV fancy?

When our Sienna lease was over, pilots were the cheapest then like 200 cheaper than mini vans so we got a pilot
Yes I like it alot better than a minivan
I felt little uncomfortable driving it at first . We're so so yeshivish ...at this point we're used to it no big deal

So I hear the discomfort but the replies here sounds like u got the latest tesla?!

Op said she got a luxury SUV, not just an SUV.

amother

NeonGreen

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:36 am

We drove used clunkers for many years until last year, when we got a new car, but a basic non expensive one. I got comments like “wow new car, nice, enjoy” but that was it. I think if we had gotten a fancier car people would have looked at me a little strangely, like why are you suddenly caring about gashmius? But it would have been a passing curiosity, just a “hmm that’s weird” kind of thing, I doubt people would care as long as I stayed the same down to earth friendly person.

amother

Crystal

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:38 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

A Honda pilot seats 8
I really don't think it's a statement
I guess we run in very different circles but I still think this is basic

But it’s not that price. Anyone that knows cars knows it’s a very high end car. It’s one of the more expensive ones in its class of cars.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 11:52 am

amother Crystal wrote:

But it’s not that price. Anyone that knows cars knows it’s a very high end car. It’s one of the more expensive ones in its class of cars.

Really?! I had no idea!!
I live in NY
It's a basic car here...my lease is 340 a month

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:07 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Put yourself in their mindset. If somehow your close neighbors ended up expanding their homes so they were triple the size of yours and installed beautiful pool with outdoor kitchens, high end lighting, and gorgeous landscaping and had outdoor bbq/ kumzitzes right next door to your smaller simple house how would you feel about it?

My neighbor did this and I’m perfectly happy for them!

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:10 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

But it’s not that price. Anyone that knows cars knows it’s a very high end car. It’s one of the more expensive ones in its class of cars.

I just quoted out a new Honda pilot online. Quote was $46,350

Toyota sienna quote was 37,685-53,905 depending on model

Odyssey was 38,240-50,370 depending on model

Not sure about leasing pricing but I don't consider a Honda pilot high end compared to a mini van. It's around the same range. It's definitely not a high end car. It's just an SUV over a minivan....

mha3484

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:24 pm

A Honda Pilot isnt a high end car. Its mid range. A Jeep or a Chevy SUV especially for 7 seats starts high 50s and can range all the way to 100k.

Its not comparable.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

So my honda Odyssey’s lease was up. I happen to hate vans so my husband suggested I get a nicer suv. At first I said no, it’s too fancy. I live in a simple area and send to simple a yeshiva. But my husband really wanted it and it was only $150 more than a van and it goes on the business-so I agreed. Since I got it I’ve been getting lots of comments as if I’m stealing from someone. Some say it jokingly, some say it out of jealousy. But I find myself constantly having to answer. What is it about people that cannot fargin? There was a point in my life that we had to take from the community tzedakos. Actually for many years we couldn’t make ends meet. Bh my husband’s business is doing well and I just don’t understand why money becomes a thing. I try hard to keep as simple as I can but I just don’t see why I cannot enjoy what I have. Honestly, I have many other hardships like SIF but no one really knows so to them it’s just like “oh, they made so much money and now she lives lavishly”. Why do I need to explain that I reset my ring because I had a treated stone and wanted something proper? Why do I need to explain that I got myself an expensive coat after I was waiting by the bus with my girls and came home and had to change because the rain came right through the coat? This is really getting to me. You see something nice on someone, say a compliment and move on. Why is it a whole discussion? Just learn to fargin. Some people work very hard to make a living and pay a high price. Let them enjoy it in peace. It’s as if whoever has money is shallow and has bad middos. We aren’t stealing from anyone. Live and let live.
Rant over

Might it be that you don’t realize your items are showy? Yes, some people can be jealous, and others can be in a lot of pain because their own circumstances prevent them from being able to afford the basics, including food, so seeing others with very showy possessions can just highlight their pain and deprivation.

If it bothers you that much, maybe tone it down a little. But to expect others not to comment, as you see, isn’t realistic. I’ve had similar issues, people asking me how much my jewelry cost if they notice something new on me… it comes with the territory. Ayin hara is a real thing and I try to be mindful of that so I try not to put things in people’s faces…

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:42 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I’m not op but when someone gets a fancy new car I either don’t notice or say “cool, nice car.”
Ops whole point is why can’t people fargin ?
Jealousy is a terrible midah .

And guess what, everyone is given middos which they are supposed to try to work on, they don’t ask to have them… and we’ve all learned that it’s harder to change one middah over an entire lifetime than it is to learn all of Shas.

So do you take that lightly? Asking someone who struggles with jealousy to “just get over it,” is not realistic and very judgmental, especially people who are suffering with poverty.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:44 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

A car is generally a statement item. Not saying I comment because I don’t- but for myself I definitely choose to drive a simpler car for that reason.

Totally agree. And most of the wealthy people I know choose to not drive showy or super expensive cars. It’s generally known that many people who drive showy luxury cars (especially when they can’t really afford them) are insecure and want people to Ooh and aah… not everyone, but many. I’ve seen it myself.

Orangehead

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:47 pm

Ben Shapiro drives an odyssey and has an older model iPhone.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:48 pm

amother Navy wrote:

Wow, how nasty can a person get??? This attitude is sick.

I don’t think it’s sick or nasty at all, it’s just a normal reaction to the major change in lifestyle.
I know someone living on donations who lives on a pretty high standard and yes, normal human curiosity makes people wonder… and talk.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:52 pm

amother Yarrow wrote:

Just because someone took tzedaka at one point they now can't ever have nice things, even when the tides have turned? What in the world? If someone was taking tzedaka and are now in a better place, I would absolutely assume they were ALSO giving I'm addition to getting some nice things. (Side note: how come on imamother everyone seems to know who's getting what? Because in real life, I have no idea who get tzedaka, programs, etc).

Also, having a few nice things does not mean a whole lifestyle change. I don't splurge on cars or clothing, but I have full time cleaning help and buy a lit of convenience items. I'm not trying to shove a whole lifestyle in anyone's face, I just can afford to make my life easier in certain ways and choose to spend some money to do that.

And that’s very different from splurging on many outer luxuries which everyone can see… no one sees or knows how much you spend on your cleaning help or household conveniences. Cars, jewelry and clothes are different.

Last edited by Cheiny on Tue, Feb 20 2024, 1:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

Lovable

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:52 pm

Ladies.
One of the aseres hadibros is LO SACHMOD

Over and over again, Imas on Imamother seems to forget that very conveniently
And even if someone IS flaunting (which I do not believe Op is doing) , YOU still need to learn to fargin. OK? Being a jew is not easy.
Dont point fingers. Point at yourself and ask yourself, why does this bother me? I need to work on my jealousy

BTW no one is mechuyav to move to a new community every time the wheel of fortune turns. What we DO need to do is work on learning to fargin.

Signed,
An Ima who has many wealthy friends and is happy for them. And constantly working on herself too

Last edited by Lovable on Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:55 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

Plz don't simplify daily life this way. I don't think we can reason or figure out why hashem does anything. Hashem gave people cancer. Hashem gave children molestation. Plz don't say that because the op has an suv it demonstrates she needs it because hashem gave it to her. People don't need cancer and they don't need suv's.

Oyy, you took my words to a terrible direction, I meant a nicer SUV, not cancer...Chas Ve Shalom.
I cant help you, sorry.

amother

Natural

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:57 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Sometimes people like cars and it’s like an interest or hobby for them not for other people to comment or ooh and ah about it. They just enjoy cars and drive fancy cars because they’re fast and fun to drive. The cars are easy conversation topics , someone might comment on it to make conversation with you. It doesn’t mean they care that much about the car or your finances.

Lovable

Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:58 pm

Of course I got hugged, and thats ok.
Its is hard to work on middos, I agree.

Last edited by Lovable on Tue, Feb 20 2024, 12:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

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