POLL: Have you ever smacked your child?

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 5:50 pm

After the post where a mother felt guilty after hurting her child, there was a range of responses, from ABUSE to SMACK AWAY. And some in middle felt it was wrong, but still understandable.
Was wondering most peoples opinions.

amother

Blush

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 5:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Haven't we had enough smack threads in the past already? The smackers will smack, the other ones will yell abuse and nothing will change. What's the point of this thread?

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 5:56 pm

I feel there’s a big jump between option 1 and 2, not so much between 2 and 3.

Yes, on occasion I smack my children. If they do something dangerous, or if they speak with chutzpah. That’s it. It’s a thought out decision that I feel warrants special treatment. I don’t feel good about it, nor do I do it often, but my kids know I mean business and it’s definitely a method of chinuch in that way. There are 2 things I want so clear that they will not do it again.

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 5:56 pm

amother Blush wrote:

Haven't we had enough smack threads in the past already? The smackers will smack, the other ones will yell abuse and nothing will change. What's the point of this thread?

There are those of us who lost ourselves in the past, and maybe thought it was normal, but are now feeling like abusers based on responses from the original thread. A poll would give us clarity.

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 5:57 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

I will try to add the option. Thanks for pointing out

ETA not sure how to do that. Sorry

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:02 pm

I think many people potch because they are angry. Therefore, they are guilty afterwards for expressing their anger in a physical way. But if the patch was really for chinuch reasons, and to teach the child, rather than a release for the parent, it’s a different story and even if we are sorry it came to that, there’s no guilt involved.

imthatawesome

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I will try to add the option. Thanks for pointing out

ETA not sure how to do that. Sorry

Report your post and ask a mod to add another poll option

amother

Tomato

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:32 pm

Somewhere between 2 and 3.

I don't think it's "okay," but at the same time I accept that I am human and made a correctable mistake. Additionally, I took steps to minimize the chance of it happening again. I wouldn't say "I don't forgive myself" but I still don't justify myself.

amother

Acacia

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:43 pm

I have done it a few times over the first bunch yrs of parenting. I didn't think it was ok, and don't think it's ok for someone to do. At the same time I didnt beat myself up over it, just learned from it and worked on myself during those years. Bh I haven't hit a child since and it's a lot of years. I'm proud of myself - I grew up with hitting and am not continuing that pattern.

amother

Gardenia

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:46 pm

I didn't vote but my answer is that I've never smacked a child, and although I believe that while smacking is poor parenting, a few smacks from a loving parent who is trying their best may not cause lifelong damage in a child, there is a gray area where it does turn into abuse and it would be foolish to say that's not the case.

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 6:49 pm

I rarely hit. It doesn't accomplish anything. I did it with my first because she was difficult but I saw that it didn't help so I stopped. I was hit occasionally as a child and so it was instinctive. Now when I do it, it's usually accidentally.

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:12 pm

My parents were the most loving and nurturing parents who gave us their all. If we got smacked, we quickly learned that we crossed a line. It definitely happened at times, and it didn’t leave me feeling abused or traumatized. I didn’t like it; but I learned the boundary was crossed since I knew it wasn’t a common occursnce. I think once it’s more common it loses its effectiveness !

amother

Lemonchiffon

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:54 pm

This is fascinating! Imamother pretends to be this place where mothers are perfect and even in times of tremendous stress and overwhelm they speak in gentle words only.

Eye opening poll.

miami85

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 7:54 pm

I didn't really like the choices. I have done it, but NOT on a regular basis and I don't consider it a "regular" form of punishment. It has not happened in YEARS. It was done to eliminate a chutzpahdik-on-the-edge-of-danger pattern of behavior that was causing much bigger problems/threatening to other children in the house. The child LEARNED from the FEW times it occurred and now is much more in control of his behavior. My other kids it was maybe done once EVER and the entire point of it is that they NEVER do that behavior again. It was ALWAYS coupled with a debrief, love and attention in the aftermath and never as a form of anger or rage. Potching DOES have a place in chinuch, but 99% of the time it should only ever be a "threat" and it should not have to escalate to being used, but the child should know that it could happen if they cross the line. I can agree that if you do not know how to use it appropriately it is better to not use it, but it does not ALWAYS equate with abuse. Ineffective chinuch can lead to out of control behavior and that isn't healthier.

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:41 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

This is fascinating! Imamother pretends to be this place where mothers are perfect and even in times of tremendous stress and overwhelm they speak in gentle words only.

Eye opening poll.

100 %

This was sort of the point of this poll, to show that not everyone is perfect, and we are all human.

amother

Tuberose

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 4:45 am

I've only hit as an immediate instinctive response to a toddler hitting or biting me. If I'd have time to think about it, I wouldn't do it, but I just have that instinct and I don't feel very guilty about it even though I don't think it's ideal.

My kids are generally well behaved.