POLL: Have you ever smacked your child?

amother

Khaki

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 7:55 am

NechaMom wrote:

Add: Have you ever twisted a child’s arm.
Very different than a smack.

What am I missing, of course twisting an arm is different than a smack, twisting an arm is abusive. Does anyone think otherwise???

amother

Khaki

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 8:02 am

Im a mandated reporter and unfortunately deal with cps a lot in my work, if someone told me they twisted their child's arm that would be a call to cps. A smack would not. This is not my opinion anyone who believes they r the same are welcome to call child protective services and ask themselves.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:23 am

I didn't vote. My oldest is still a toddler and I've never smacked. I'm very against potching, but I don't know that I'm above making that mistake at some point in my life and I wouldn't call cps.
I also hate the idea of screaming abusive parent over something that happens once or twice. It's something that can be classified as abusive behavior if there's a cycle of abuse, but somebody is not automatically abusive because they lost themselves and gave a smack a few times in their life. It's sick to me how much serious terms and accusations get thrown around on the Internet without any context. English has so many other words we can use without cheapening the strongest ones.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:34 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

Agree with this 100%

JasmineDragon

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:47 am

amother Khaki wrote:

What am I missing, of course twisting an arm is different than a smack, twisting an arm is abusive. Does anyone think otherwise???

This thread is a spin-off from a thread where a mother was overwhelmed by her 3 year old not staying in bed and "gently twisted her arm".

amother

Garnet

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:50 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

Twisting a child's arm, is abusive behavior. The action is abusive, not necessarily the person. But the act of twisting a child's arm, is an abusive act. Threatening to do it again, is an emotionally abusive act. If those actions happen often & become a cycle, then the person doing those actions, is an abusive person.
But even if it's a one time thing, the action itself is abusive nevertheless.

amother

Puce

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:54 am

The last choice is extreme. Many of us have never smacked our child, but the drama about calling CPS isn’t necessary.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:56 am

I have never potched my child BH. Have I been tempted? You bet. But I feel like it’s really not okay, and the only reason someone can do it is because the child is too small to stand up for themselves. If you were upset with an adult, would you smack them? Nope.

That being said, I don’t think it’s always abuse and it’s a very grey area. I do think it would be justified in EXTREME situations only, to showcase the importance of the dangers, like a child running into the street or turning on the stove etc. Thats it though.

Unfortunately I feel the majority of the time it is done as an instant reaction, out of anger or frustration, as opposed to a thought out, rational decision. That is never okay, full stop.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:45 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

Losing yourself doesn’t mean the action is not abusive. If someone lost themself and burnt their child for example would u say thats abusive? Is there no behavior that even if done one time in your mind is considered abusive?
Again whether u agree or not child protective services do consider certain actions abusive (can only speak for the US) so this should be a warning to all parent’s don’t engage in these behaviors even if you think it is “good parenting.” You never know what your child repeats in school etc. unless you want cps involvement in your life.
If you are a parent who “loses themselves” I highly suggest getting help for yourself (help does exist if you seek it out) so that you never have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

amother

Caramel

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:51 am

I think many of us were raised with hitting children being the norm. But really, losing control at your child isn't any different from losing control at anyone else. Your children aren't the only people who do things wrong or make you angry, but you never make the mistake of hitting your coworker or friend.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:59 am

Laws vary widely from state to state, but in general, the following types of behavior are considered child abuse or neglect:

Striking your child with an object, a fist, or another part of your body with the intention of harm (with the exception of “reasonable parental discipline;” see below).

Making believable threats to kill or severely harm your child.

Using excessive physical restraint or extended periods of isolation as a means of controlling your child’s behavior.

Leaving your child unsupervised (when they are below an age specified by your state), or with a person incapable of appropriately supervising your child, even if your child is asleep.

Allowing your child to witness or participate in illegal (including underage) drug or alcohol abuse. This includes exposure to alcohol or other drugs in the womb.

Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol with your child in the car.

Driving under the influence while your child is in the car is considered child abuse in most states
Allowing your child to witness or be the target of domestic violence.

Knowingly allowing your child to be physically, emotionally, or s-xually harmed.

Engaging your child in s-xual contact or activity of any kind. Any s-xual contact between a child below the age of consent (which varies by state) and an adult, significantly older child, or another child below the age of consent is considered statutory rape, and must also be reported.

Exposing your child to, or involving your child in the production of, [filthy] material. This includes engaging in s-xual activity in your child’s presence.

Being unwilling to meet your child’s basic needs for food, shelter, clean water, and a safe environment (examples of unsafe environments include: your child living in cars or on the street, or in homes where they are exposed to poisonous materials, convicted relations offenders, temperature extremes, or dangerous objects such as weapons or drugs). In some states, financial inability to meet your child’s needs is not considered neglect unless you have been offered, and have declined, financial assistance to meet these needs.

Being unwilling to seek out or provide your child with medical treatment that is essential to his or her ability to function, recover from an illness or injury, or continue living (except when religious beliefs prohibit a medical treatment).

Being unwilling to allow your child to obtain appropriate educational instruction (such as intentionally preventing your child from attending school, failing to seek assistance if your child refuses to attend school, or failing to educate your child after stating that he or she will be homeschooled).

Abandoning your child, or failing to establish a significant relationship with your child when you have the means to do so.

Failing to make reasonable and timely efforts to locate your child if they are missing.

Taking any other intentional action that poses a threat to your child’s life or physical well-being, or that results in significant physical or emotional harm to your child.

Is it Legal to Spank My Child?
Most states allow parents to discipline their children by spanking, which is defined as an open-handed strike with a hand to a child’s buttocks. In some states, this definition of spanking is the only legal form of corporal punishment; others simply state that only “reasonable” or “moderate” disciplinary methods may be used. This means that some of the forms of punishment you may have experienced as a child—such as being spanked with a wooden spoon, whipped with a belt, or hit with a shoe—may no longer be legal means of disciplining children in your state. Additionally, it should be noted that if any kind of corporal punishment results in significant injury to your child—such as bruises, cuts, or an inability to sit down—then it will be considered child abuse, even if the method itself might otherwise be legal.

Phoebe31

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 11:01 am

I cannot answer this poll, there is no option for no, I think smacking is abuse but I wouldnt call CPS, just feel that parents who smack need better tools...

Phoebe31

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 11:07 am

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

This is fascinating! Imamother pretends to be this place where mothers are perfect and even in times of tremendous stress and overwhelm they speak in gentle words only.

Eye opening poll.

No one I know thinks they are a perfect parent!! I have made lots of mistakes but hitting my kids is not one of them, I cannot imagine thinking that violence is ever the answer.
My opinion on this became even stronger after getting married to a man who was smacked for every little thing and didnt learn a thing from it aside from just avoiding his parents.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 2:57 pm

Phoebe31 wrote:

I cannot answer this poll, there is no option for no, I think smacking is abuse but I wouldnt call CPS, just feel that parents who smack need better tools...

Choose the second to last option. It's the closest. Same here and that's what I did.

wanttobehappy

Fri, Feb 23 2024, 5:18 pm

Only when a toddler went on the road and alway say before I don’t want to hit but your too precious to me…