The pressure to send to school young

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:19 am

My baby was only 14 months and people started asking me when I'll send her to school. I smiled and said not yet she's a baby....
At 18 months - she's still not in playgroup?
At age 21 months...wait you didn't register her yet for school ?
Multiple multiple people...so when are you sending her to school?
She belongs in school.
2 is the right age to start school.
Your waiting until she's 3? Are you crazy?

Why this pressure to send so young to school?
Why am I looked at as weird for wanting her home ?
Am I weird ? Am I overly attached ? I think 2 is so young and I have no reason to ship her out yet. But the pressure is huge.

amother

Pansy

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:22 am

You do you

But it’s not ‘ship them out’’

It’s most communities it’s what, 4 or 5 hours a day? That’s not a lot. Between drop off and pickup just enough for Mom to maybe go to an appt or run a few errands.

This isn’t my world. My friends and I all Bh work full time and our kids are in full time daycare (or nanny) from infancy

But everyone should do what works for their family

amother

Lightpink

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:26 am

I guess you dont work
so no problem why should you send?!
\

personally my kids absolutely love going out once they turn 2, they get bored at home and love playgroup so much they beg to go on shabbos and sun

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:34 am

Lots of people don't like spending time with their children.
I work in a frum environment and my coworkers are always complaining about shabbos, sunday, every day till their kids go to sleep....how it's so annoying and boring

I can't relate. I only send my children out because I have to. I spend as much quality time as I can when we are home together.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 10:53 am

I worked for some years as a private babysitter, in people's houses. Most children were happy to be home. One was an only child, and she was desperate for social interaction. Seeing other children in the park wasn't enough for her. That was the only time I really pushed for the parents to send her out, instead of employing me for another year. Most two or three year olds are happy at home, but you have to be aware of their needs.

amother

Nasturtium

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:00 pm

I kept some of my kids home (with a babysitter while I was working) until they were close to 4 or already 4. No regrets, they did beautifully and gained so much emotionally. They didn't miss a thing by not being in the stressful environment that is school (yes, besides for rare exceptions, school is stressful for tiny people's bodies and brains). I couldn't care less what other people think if I'm confident that this is truly best for this child.

Rappel

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:05 pm

I agree.

I also know people whom won't send their children out until they're 5 (up until recently, that was the Israeli culture) and you know what? Those kids are fine. More than fine -- they grow up in their family circle.

amother

Maize

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:08 pm

whats with all the babysitting bashing today?

OP right or worng, most people send their children out these days to people are just curious bec its something diff.

I have two young kids rn and one thrives on social stimulation and loves people, action etc. and the other is more attached homebody.

they both go out bec I work but I always say I would still send my older one if I was home bec she lives for it and my younger could thrive at home...

amother

Mintcream

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:18 pm

I get this pressure so often for my son who is 3. I work very full time, and my husband stays home with him.

This works for all of us, and honestly it is unlikely that my husband could work much even if my son went to playgroup due to the need for one of us to be very flexible. The cost of playgroup would be more than what he could realistically bring in.

Why all the pressure?

amother

Nasturtium

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:18 pm

amother Maize wrote:

How is op babysitter bashing?

chanar

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:19 pm

You literally can’t win in today’s frum world.
In many communities women have to go back to work full time from when newborn babies are 6 weeks old. Yeshiva Tuition is insane, food prices are astronomical.. someone has to pay for it. And if the mothers are at work, someone has to be watching her kids…

Good for you that you’re able to keep your kids home and stimulated until they’re a lot older than average.

amother

Diamond

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:54 pm

I don’t work, and I would’ve loved to keep my kids home till 3. Maybe my future kids, I only have 2 so far.
My first I sent to private babysitter in house (10kids) by 14 months. He was bored, being the only one home with me and I live far from family and I had no friends with babies back then, so it was just us all day every… He needed the social interaction.

My second I sent out at 21 months. She wasn’t getting on a schedule and this was the only way. Also at a private babysitter, was only 5 hours every day, she loved every minute.

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 1:22 pm

I have sent the earliest at 2.10 and the latest at 3.5. My first 2 were babysat by my housekeeper/nanny. The rest I quit work and sacrificed so much to take care of them myself at home. It was not easy financially but I will never regret doing it.

I am back working full time as the kids are all in school.

amother

Amber

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 1:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

School starts at 3. There is no need to send out your child if you are not working. For social interaction, you can go to the park, the library or the child can wait til the siblings come home.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:03 pm

I definitely experienced this pressure. After about a year everyone starts asking where I'm sending them. I do send my kids to playgroup starting at age two around and I will say my kids had fewer social skills and speech than the kids who had been at babysitters from a younger age. I still firmly believe that those first 2 years with a mommy is a foundation of connection and love that makes it worth it.
At around two, they needed more stimulation than I was able to give them. Also the schools expect the kids to have out of home experience before they start there.
I am home with my babies but due to IF, each of my babies have been the only one home at the time they were a baby. I believe if there are other kids home, they can get enough social stimulation at home.
Either way just wanted to say that I have gotten loads of comments and questions about staying home with my babies and toddlers.

amother

Foxglove

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:08 pm

When I was looking into preschool for my almost 3 year old - a real actual preschool-
The preschool director told me that if a mother had the option /wants to make the choice to stay home with their 3 year old, that’s better than prenursery and then can just join the school at 4. And that’s coming from a preschool director!!!

amother

Bisque

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:16 pm

My kids' schools only start at age 4. But the pressure to send at that age is just to get a spot at the school. No one else seems to care.

bsy

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:24 pm

I send to a babysitter til age 2 and then playgroup. (my kids are Aug/Sept so we started the new school year turning 2 and going to a playgroup.)

amother

Mintgreen

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:31 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Op I really think you are pressuring yourself

Agreed. This is probably op's oldest and she's making it a bigger deal than it is.