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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:03 pm
Dd age 13 has this habit of constantly picking at crumbs of food that's around. It's not a new habit, but we have been trying for years to get rid of it to no avail.
Here are some examples:
at the shabbos table, after she has eaten her fill of challah, throughout the seuda she will constantly pick up crumbs from the challah tray and eat them. (she is welcome to take another piece, but doesn't want to, it's not that)
Any serving tray that is near her, she will pick out small pieces from (not touching any of the main pieces. don't worry, we don't have guests due to another child's behavioral issues). If I tell her not to, she stops for that minute.
And if not that, she picks at the crumbs on her own plate, on and on. I clear off the plates, but that's just a bandaid, I want to actually teach her.
During the week after supper, she will walk by the counter or stove where the pan or pot of supper was, and take some small pieces or crumbs. Again, she's not hungry, she is welcome to take more, but this is kind of entertainment for her.
I have tried many things unsuccessfully. I made her aware that she is doing it. I explained that it is rude and not good manners. In past years we have read books on manners, doing a lesson a week. II explained that other people don't like it. I reminded, I used a silent gesture to send her cues during the seuda, it helps for that minute but then she does it again a few minutes later.
I don't think she sees it as a problem. I have mentioned about if she goes to other people's homes or if we have guests, and she said she won't do it at other homes or if we have guests.
How can I guide her to stop doing this?? Have tried a lot when she was younger also, and nothing seems to help.
She's good natured about being told to stop but then goes right back to it a few minutes later.
For those who may have guessed, she does have sensory stuff along with inattentive adhd.
Any ideas for those who can relate?
(Those who will say "I teach my kids manners and they listen" need not respond. You clearly don't have a child like this)
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amother
Goldenrod
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:35 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Dd age 13 has this habit of constantly picking at crumbs of food that's around. It's not a new habit, but we have been trying for years to get rid of it to no avail.
Here are some examples:
at the shabbos table, after she has eaten her fill of challah, throughout the seuda she will constantly pick up crumbs from the challah tray and eat them. (she is welcome to take another piece, but doesn't want to, it's not that)
Any serving tray that is near her, she will pick out small pieces from (not touching any of the main pieces. don't worry, we don't have guests due to another child's behavioral issues). If I tell her not to, she stops for that minute.
And if not that, she picks at the crumbs on her own plate, on and on. I clear off the plates, but that's just a bandaid, I want to actually teach her.
During the week after supper, she will walk by the counter or stove where the pan or pot of supper was, and take some small pieces or crumbs. Again, she's not hungry, she is welcome to take more, but this is kind of entertainment for her.
I have tried many things unsuccessfully. I made her aware that she is doing it. I explained that it is rude and not good manners. In past years we have read books on manners, doing a lesson a week. II explained that other people don't like it. I reminded, I used a silent gesture to send her cues during the seuda, it helps for that minute but then she does it again a few minutes later.
I don't think she sees it as a problem. I have mentioned about if she goes to other people's homes or if we have guests, and she said she won't do it at other homes or if we have guests.
How can I guide her to stop doing this?? Have tried a lot when she was younger also, and nothing seems to help.
She's good natured about being told to stop but then goes right back to it a few minutes later.
For those who may have guessed, she does have sensory stuff along with inattentive adhd.
Any ideas for those who can relate?
(Those who will say "I teach my kids manners and they listen" need not respond. You clearly don't have a child like this) |
I do the same…
Only at home and never around guests, but I guess I don’t see the problem as much? I love crumbs!
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amother
Daphne
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:47 pm
My ADHD DD10 also picks her food, just a little differently, she picks apart whatever she’s eating and nibbles at tiny pieces at a time. It drives me crazy. So far the only thing that makes her stop is when her 15 y/o brother heckles her about it 
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amother
Mocha
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 2:39 pm
My husband does this,
1. Leaver her alone - not worth a fight!
2. move the Challah to a plate, take off the Challah board. That way she doesn't have too many crumbs to eat
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tichellady
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 2:42 pm
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I think you may need to accept that this is her quirk and you can’t change her even though that is very hard.
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Bleemee
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 2:42 pm
If you have a kid with adhd and sensory issues I’m surprised you expend all the effort into this habit.
Why is this the hill to die on?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:08 pm
| amother Daphne wrote: | | My ADHD DD10 also picks her food, just a little differently, she picks apart whatever she’s eating and nibbles at tiny pieces at a time. It drives me crazy. So far the only thing that makes her stop is when her 15 y/o brother heckles her about it |
Oh, she does that too lol
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:10 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | I think you may need to accept that this is her quirk and you can’t change her even though that is very hard. |
Should I be though? I feel like it's my responsibility to teach her manners...
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amother
Chocolate
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:12 pm
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It's an ocd over here . The tiny little bites also.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:14 pm
| Bleemee wrote: | If you have a kid with adhd and sensory issues I’m surprised you expend all the effort into this habit.
Why is this the hill to die on? |
I am laughing because I have a few other kids with significant issues related to adhd and sensory, and this issue wouldn't even be in the next 100 things to address.
Bh this particular child is overall doing well and this is one of the areas that is noticeable. Baruch Hashem.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:15 pm
Not seeing any ocd symptoms with her
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amother
Chocolate
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:17 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Not seeing any ocd symptoms with her | Other compulsive behaviors she can't seem to stop? Anxiety? Phobias? Intrusive thoughts? Cognitive Rigidity? Lack of flexibility?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:19 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | | Other compulsive behaviors she can't seem to stop? Anxiety? Phobias? Intrusive thoughts? Cognitive Rigidity? Lack of flexibility? |
None of those
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amother
Amaryllis
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:19 pm
I have adhd and am sensory as well. I do the same thing. It's enjoyable, let her live! Unless she's being gross about it like licking her fingers. I also wouldn't do it as a guest or when I have company.
Ps. Eating challah crumbs is a segula for parnassa 
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:24 pm
| amother Amaryllis wrote: | I have adhd and am sensory as well. I do the same thing. It's enjoyable, let her live! Unless she's being gross about it like licking her fingers. I also wouldn't do it as a guest or when I have company.
Ps. Eating challah crumbs is a segula for parnassa |
Of course people are grossed out, she licks the crumbs off her fingers and puts them back for more. Her older sibling HATES it and is always making comments.
I am more than happy to let it be if that's the right thing to do.
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amother
Amaryllis
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:32 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Of course people are grossed out, she licks the crumbs off her fingers and puts them back for more. Her older sibling HATES it and is always making comments.
I am more than happy to let it be if that's the right thing to do. |
So instead of banning the behavior, teach her to drop it into her hand and toss into her mouth, or even better, I drop crumbs into my spoon and then eat it. And you have to be strict about only doing it to her personal food.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:37 pm
| amother Amaryllis wrote: | | So instead of banning the behavior, teach her to drop it into her hand and toss into her mouth, or even better, I drop crumbs into my spoon and then eat it. And you have to be strict about only doing it to her personal food. |
I will try that.
Just curious, what about it is enjoyable? She couldn't verbalize why she likes it but maybe you can : )
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scintilla
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:40 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I will try that.
Just curious, what about it is enjoyable? She couldn't verbalize why she likes it but maybe you can : ) |
It's the sensory aspect of having something in my mouth for me, I can totally relate. Definitely teach her how to do it in a way that's not grossing anyone out but don't make a big deal out of the habit itself, it's kind of like fidgeting.
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amother
Amaryllis
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:46 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I will try that.
Just curious, what about it is enjoyable? She couldn't verbalize why she likes it but maybe you can : ) |
Texture maybe? And it's a calming, regulating activity. It's also somewhat satisfying to clean a plate of crumbs idk
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amother
Goldenrod
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 10:56 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I will try that.
Just curious, what about it is enjoyable? She couldn't verbalize why she likes it but maybe you can : ) |
As someone who finds eating crumbs very enjoyable, I like the texture. It’s sort of scratchy on my tongue. I also like feeling the shape when they struck together disintegrate on my tongue. I also like that in cleans the plate. And sometimes, it’s the really tasty/salty crunchy bits of things that become crumbs, and they have a really good deep flavor.
I don’t have adhd or ocd or anything else, for what it’s worth.
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