How should I deal with ds7?

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:55 am

I need some advice from all you smart imas….
Ds7 is a very calm, low-strung (is that a word?), kind of kid. All shabbos he sat on the couch, stared at the ceiling, twiddled his thumb….and it drives me nuts. If he’d be happy, maybe I’d ignore him, but he keeps asking what he can do. None of the options I offered were good enough. Friday he did the same, no coloring, no reading, no playing with sibling, no playing electronic chess game. Shabbos he didn’t want to get dressed, then he didn’t want to daven, he didn’t want to play a family game in the afternoon, and he didn’t want to go to shul, or to the kiddush I was going to.
When we go anywhere (melava malka by parents house), he keeps asking when we’re going home.
His rebbe says he participates nicely in class, but my son tells me that by recess and yard time he plays himself, only sometimes finds a friend to be silly with.
Should I let him sit around bored, or should I force him to cooperate, play, and do something to keep him moving?

imasinger

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 8:03 am

Here's one option.

Sit with him early in the week, brainstorm together (you provide the first ones) a list of the choices.

Once you've come up with every possibility you can think of, have him rate thrm. Don't make it a yes or no thing, tell him to rank the ways to entertain himself on a scale of 0-2, where 0 is would never do it, 1 is enjoys sometimes, and 2 is often enjoys.

Then, tell him to pick a couple of 2's to do for 10 minutes each. Set a timer. He can go longer, but not shorter.

Have him plan for the next day, and follow through. Do this daily, so that by Shabbos, he's used to it.

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 2:44 pm

I don’t think he’s on the spectrum, because when I force him to play, he is perfectly capable and able to be part of society. He just prefers being by himself. Do I make him do things to keep him moving or do I let him stare at the ceiling as long as he doesn’t ask me what he can do?

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

But it sounds like he can't self entertain?
I have a 7 year old boy who plays very nicely by himself- key word, he plays. Reads books, builds stuff, makes up games.

My younger son who was diagnosed btw can't play by himself and is bored.

naomi2

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 8:06 pm

You can strengthen his play skills by teaching how to use the toys and tap into his imagination, do a lot of playing with him a kid modeling. Also, check for an element of anxiety.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 8:16 pm

Involve the father. Tell the father to sit with him, and gently engage him.

This kid may be so smart his mind is working while it cannot be seen. Leave advanced materials, advanced toys, advanced reading, where he can see it and easily get at it.