School play | Imamother

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:49 am

What would you do if ure DD doesn't want to invite ure MIL to her school production? She is embarrassed of her.
She does do interesting stuff sometimes and u never know how she will be.
I tried explaining to my DD that it isn't nice not to invite her and I would be hurt if IYH my grandchildren wouldn't invite me. She answered, you won't be embarrassing.

My MIL does have a mental health condition (which at this time my DD doesn't know abt ) and could say/do things that most pp wouldn't.

Wwyd?

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:51 am

Also, she already asked my mother to come. I told her I don't think it is nice to invite one and not the other. she said then my mother shouldn't come either.

Ps I haven't discussed this with husband yet

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:54 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

It depends what kind of embarrassing things she would do or say.

She would get up in middle of the play and say yay ---- (dd's name). Stand up and march in place to get her feet moving. By a recent school event she came in pushing a shopping cart and wearing an interesting hat. My DD was mortified.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:56 am

Why do you have to invite her? Does your mil know about the play?
My dd is embarrassed of my ils as well. And at times she doesn't have a choice ( simchas etc) and we talk to my kids about standing proud and not being ashamed, but we try not to put them in that situation unnecessarily.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I would work with DD on how to manage this on her end, but I would continue inviting the grandmother to events.

amother

Aster

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:07 am

I don’t think it’s fair to force her. You can make sure mil doesn’t find out or say she only had 2 tickets. As a kid this should not be her burden. It’s her time to shine and it shouldn’t be ruined with a situation that’s too overwhelming for her age.

amother

Aster

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:08 am

amother OP wrote:

That’s horrible to force your daughter to be embarrassed publicly. This is not the time and place to put your mil first.

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:16 am

She does not know about the play and possibly wouldn't find out. I don't have to invite her, I'm just wondering if it's the right thing to do, not to invite her. Also if we don't invite her, should my mother still come? DD wants her to come but not if my mil has to come then

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:19 am

I would invite your mother and not mil and just don’t tell her about it. It’s very stressful to feel embarrassed and be worried the whole time. It’s her time to shine and be a kid. Bh it’s a grandmother that’s embarrassing and not her own mother. That’s much worse!

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't force my daughter in to such an embarrassing situation. They're teens, not adults, and grandma walking in with a shopping cart & funny hat, is really embarrassing. Just make sure MIL doesn't find out about the play.
I don't see why your mother shouldn't go.

amother

Aster

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:22 am

It’s totally fine not to invite her. Just don’t tell her about it. It’s the right thing to do. Your daughter will have to deal with her at simchos and other family times, this play is not one of the times she needs to deal with it.

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:22 am

I want to add, that when I was a growing up, one of my grandmother's would talk and crack jokes to those around her throughout every performance. At some point, we stopped inviting her to our performances. I didn't even invite her to my graduation.

Notsobusy

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:22 am

I would not invite her. Some girls wouldn't mind, but some teenage girls get terribly embarrassed. This is obviously bothering your dd a lot. Why would you hurt your dd in order to be nice to your mother in law who doesn't even know about the play? I think it's fine for your mother to go and not your mil, as long as you don't tell your mil. Things can't always be fair in life and especially not in this situation where being "fair" to your mil means being unfair to your dd.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:27 am

I'm assuming high school with this answer, or something similar:

Under the circumstances you described, I would not force dd to invite- it sounds like MIL cannot be kept from doing things that not only are different (not such a big deal) nut actively draw attention to herself and connect her to dd, on a day that's a pretty big deal and on which she is on view with a lot of people. Had she not already invited your mother I would say not to. But since she has...

If the school is recording it, or someone is, I would have your mother go to the play and invite MIL to come the weekend after for a special family viewing party- you and dd and any other girls and MIL can wear silly, festive things and eat snacks and song along and do the dances, or whatever might call to MIL and make it very much her speed

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:30 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

My mother totally understands and does not mind not coming if it's the rt thing

Also, if we would show my MIL a recording she would definitely be insulted that she wasn't invited.