S\o how do you come up with seminary payment ?

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:05 pm

And how much do most end up paying after discount\financial aid ?

amother

Wheat

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:26 pm

By saving nearly every cent I got since early childhood, saving more once I started working, continuing to save money after getting married, banking more rather than spending more when I got a raise, and having a standard of living considerably lower than that of other people with similar incomes.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:54 pm

We are emptying our rainy day fund that we have been growing since we got married.
We asked daas Torah and were advised to do this for our daughter (in this particular situation).

$24K+

amother

Moccasin

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:55 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

We are emptying our rainy day fund that we have been growing since we got married.
We asked daas Torah and were advised to do this for our daughter (in this particular situation).

$24K+

Wow. What a sacrifice.

Would you do this for another daughter if you have any?

Also, does this daughter know what you're doing for her?

amother

Leaf

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:00 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Wow. What a sacrifice.

Would you do this for another daughter if you have any?

Also, does this daughter know what you're doing for her?

We take one kid at a time B"H and yes, she knows. And is very grateful.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:03 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

We take one kid at a time B"H and yes, she knows. And is very grateful.

Im surprised she is okay with it. I never would have gone to seminary (even though it was extremely needed for me) if I thought even for a second that it would hurt my parents financially..

What are you planning to do when she IYH gets married after getting home?

amother

Darkblue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:05 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

I have a hard time believing most frum families are sending daughters to seminary without it affecting them (harming them) financially. And the girls all go. 🤷‍♀️

Chayalle

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:09 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

I have a hard time believing most frum families are sending daughters to seminary without it affecting them (harming them) financially. And the girls all go. 🤷‍♀️

They don't all go. Both my daughters went to local seminary. By choice though. Had they wanted to go to seminary in EY we probably would have worked it out somehow.....(not sure how, but I have found over the years Hashem helped us, somehow, when it was important. It wasn't, so it didn't happen....)

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:11 pm

How much does seminary cost?

amother

Oleander

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 10:53 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

I have a hard time believing most frum families are sending daughters to seminary without it affecting them (harming them) financially. And the girls all go. 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely theyre affected financially.
I know because I was involved in raising emergency money for a family that confided in us that their utilities were about to be shut down. Turns out they were massively behind on all bills, including utilities, and mortgage, had taken out loans and gemach loans etc etc and were approximately $100,000 in debt, and rapidly sliding down more.
We made a very quiet emergency appeal and managed to raise about 30k for their really urgent bills (like keeping their lights and heat on!)but they were still obviously in a very tough spot.
They have a bunch of girls one after another...yes, theyre going to seminary...
(No, I dont think any of them NEEDS it. I know this family very well. These girls were raised with such sterling chinuch, and have such amazing, responsible, mature, happy and giving personalities, they were fully baked and ready for the real world at age 16 already.)

And I dont want to hear from anyone "well how do you know, maybe someone else raised money for them to go" because yeah, maybe someone like myself, who heard how terribly theyre doing? Is this where the extra tzedakah money should go? To this dire need of seminary??

amother

Denim

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:07 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Are you saying that their $100K debt is all because of seminaries for a few daughters?
They might have gotten FAFSA and seminary scholarships and their girls might have contributed from working.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:09 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

I have a hard time believing most frum families are sending daughters to seminary without it affecting them (harming them) financially. And the girls all go. 🤷‍♀️

Im sure there are lots of families that are and do it anyways. But there's also plenty that dont. I know many girls who did not go to seminary, most because they simply couldnt afford to. BH my parents were in a position to send me without any issues otherwise I never would have been able to go even if they wanted to send me

Also, there is a difference between making small sacrifices to make it work, and literally using your entire life savings.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:11 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Your talking about your experience with one specific family, it doesnt mean this is what every family who sends is doing/going through

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:30 pm

I got a scholarship. My rabbi wrote a letter about me to the program, how they should accept me and that I didn't have financial conditions to attend and they gave me a full scholarship. Not common but worth a try if you have someone that can vouch for her.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:40 pm

amother Denim wrote:

Are you saying that their $100K debt is all because of seminaries for a few daughters?
They might have gotten FAFSA and seminary scholarships and their girls might have contributed from working.

No, the 100k debt was before seminary.
And then while they were drowning, they also sent to sem. Sure fafsa, sure the girls may have contributed but they still had to pay a LOT. Because they felt they "had to".
Its not a good idea to defend this.
Please, just acknowledge that there are families who really actually do not have a way to pay, and they do not actually "find a way".

amother

Jade

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:44 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

I didn’t read the entire thread but I just want to point out that it’s a huge difference whether this family is from in-town or OOT. All OOT girls go to seminary. And I mean ALL. I’m from Chicago, which is a larger OOT city, and every.single.girl in my grade went. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.
My parents didn’t have money but it’s not like staying home and being the only girl in my entire grade, from the three frum high schools, was an option. BH my parents qualified for several huge scholarships and bh they paid about 30% of what the full price would have been, and it was doable. I don’t know if these large scholarships are available these days , as this was over a decade ago.
I paid for my own plane ticket, shopping before going, cell phone, insurance, and spending money. I did run out of cash in May, a month before seminary was over, but I told my parents and they deposited $200 into my account to cover that last month. I was very frugal all year, and appreciated every single minute of seminary, and it was a very healthy and life changing year for me in many ways. I was the oldest, and very “parentified”, so that year was very special to be able to focus on my growth without my responsibilities distracting me. (My parents were amazing, but someone in my immediate family was very very sick when I was in HS and I didn’t have a choice but to step up in a big way).

This all being said, I now live “in town”. My girls are young so I don’t know what will be , but we struggle financially, so if my daughters don’t “need” to go, I don’t think I would/could send them, even though I know how special the year could be.
If we lived in a community or city where every girl went, I would do my best to figure out a way to make it happen like my parents did, perhaps by taking loans , and obviously applying for every available scholarship. It can be very detrimental to mental health to be the only one left behind.

And being in town, if my daughters Chas vshalom need to deal with something in the year or 2 leading up to seminary that made it of extra importance to spend that year in EY, I would do my best to make it happen even if it was a situation where not all her friends went.

My point is, it really depends on the situation and where you’re from, if it’s “needed” or not.

amother

Cinnamon

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:45 pm

Nebach, I’m so glad I’m not part of this community. And then These girls come home from seminary, get married and you have to fully support them or else??? How is this system not crashing?

amother

Almond

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:20 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Nebach, I’m so glad I’m not part of this community. And then These girls come home from seminary, get married and you have to fully support them or else??? How is this system not crashing?

"Nebach, I'm glad I'm not part of a community where women must shave their heads and can't drive. "

Do you see a difference between your statement and mine?

I don't.

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:25 am

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Nebach, I’m so glad I’m not part of this community. And then These girls come home from seminary, get married and you have to fully support them or else??? How is this system not crashing?

No, after they come home from sem, most of them go to college to get good jobs so they can support themselves. Despite what you read on imamother, plenty of girls manage shidduchim, dating and getting married without their parents having to promise or provide support.
Of course this means there aren't that many that go into teaching anymore. But decent pay for female teachers is long overdue, so maybe in the long run that's a good thing.

amother

Catmint

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:26 am

I am not at that stage yet, but I heard from a neighbor--if you are below a certain income, and go through an accredited school (Such as maalot, TTI, etc) to seminary, you can get FAFSA and other scholarships. They add up quickly and the girl can go to seminary for very little or almost free.