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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 6:19 am
5th child out of 6. None of my other children were like this
3yrs old.
He spit at teacher
And then he laughed with mischievous eyes.
He knows it’s wrong
Also during circle time he rolls around on the floor or he leans on other kids, acting like he’s sleeping.
Teacher asked if he knows anything that’s going on. He knows EVERYTHING. He comes home and tells me the whole parsha, the whole Purim story, all the aleph bet, even things he hasn’t learned yet. He just knows EVERYTHING. If you say to him any Parsha he’ll tell you what the parsha is about.
I do realize he’s very sensory.
But defiant, I never had that with any other kid.
My other kids range from gifted to above average. And they are typical good kids.
He does some defiant behavior at home but nothing like in school.
And yes the things written on top I call defiant.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 6:38 am
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When I mean any parsha, you ask him about Vayikra he’ll tell you it’s about all diferentes karbanot. You ask him what is karbanot he’ll tell you gofts to HASHEM . 😮
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Iymnok
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:27 am
He sounds extremely gifted, thus bored.
Do you live in a large community that nay have a school for gifted children?
Can the teacher give him extra enrichment for when he's bored?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:44 am
| Iymnok wrote: | He sounds extremely gifted, thus bored.
Do you live in a large community that nay have a school for gifted children?
Can the teacher give him extra enrichment for when he's bored? |
The teacher doesn’t believe he knows anything since he’s “out of control” in her definition.
He hides under the table or runs around or rolls on the carpet.
But if you ask him how he behaves he tells you I behave like a mess and I should behave like a mentch. No one has ever used those words with him
I don’t know where he gets it from.
They got him a para, B”H the para was told her job is to keep him in the classroom as much as possible and keep him focused and interested in what’s going on. This from both the teacher and principal.
I made a big fuss because I don’t want someone just taking him out.
I don’t pay tuition for him to stroll the hallways or run around the gym during class time.
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rubyred
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:47 am
The teacher just doesn’t get him..
He sounds very gifted and incredibly bored.
Ask teacher to give him extra activities, special projects etc
See if behaviors improve.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:49 am
He is language delayed.
He speaks now, but it’s hard to understand him.
Are gifted kids language delayed.
It seems to me he has lots to say but needs help getting it all out.
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amother
Orange
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:57 am
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My son last year was referred to services by the principal, they claimed he's academically delayed.... I didn't believe it, I knew he's very smart and he's just stuck with a teacher that doesn't believe in him. This year nobody is recommending services, he knows all the Alef Bais even though his class didn't finish yet the Alef Bais... he tells the parsha beautifully he tells me everything that's going on in class he's doing so much better because his teacher believes in him.
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amother
Stonewash
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 7:59 am
| amother Orange wrote: | | My son last year was referred to services by the principal, they claimed he's academically delayed.... I didn't believe it, I knew he's very smart and he's just stuck with a teacher that doesn't believe in him. This year nobody is recommending services, he knows all the Alef Bais even though his class didn't finish yet the Alef Bais... he tells the parsha beautifully he tells me everything that's going on in class he's doing so much better because his teacher believes in him. |
My 6 year old was also labeled by the teachers as delayed. I too knew he is smart. Anyhow the special ed staff evaluated him and he is above average in all areas...
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amother
DarkCyan
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:02 am
I am definitely not a child expert, I work with a geriatric population and both grew up in and have a very small family who is very average and in the box.
Is it possible that he is 2x gifted?
My friend’s son is and she talks about it but I really don’t know enough to tell you more.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:06 am
He really is language delayed.
I got him services as soon as he was eligible
The slp always said that he was rough.
He is extremely strong
But he doesn’t really hurt ppl, at least not on purpose.
Even when he pushes his baby sister away (like when playing magnatiles and he doesn’t want her to touch) I notice he does it gently
He gets OT and SLP
But maybe he’s missing something he needs.
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amother
Bergamot
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:08 am
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Teacher and your son are not a match
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:12 am
This is what I’m thinking
I don’t think she has enough experience with atypical children
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amother
Emerald
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:24 am
Yup, this is called a twice exceptional child
He needs both an outlet for his strengths and support for his weaknesses - which are exactly the opposite of what's available in our school system which excels at helping kids who are weak academically and strong socially/behaviorally.
Unfortunately, paras usually have little or no training so their support is not always high quality.
Here are some ideas:
1) start with the basics - a thorough vision, hearing, and medical evaluation. Is your child eating and sleeping well?
2) Smart kids can absolutely have language processing issues. Get a good language evaluation and therapy, likely outside the school system.
3) Get a BCBA to observe your child in school and create a program for the para to follow.
4) Your child absolutely must have stimulating academic material on his level, and be held responsible for it.
5) Make sure your child gets plenty of physical activity outside of school.
6) Try to come up with ways your child can feel valued for his talents, outside of school. For example, if he's good at photography, putting together a weekly or monthly family picture newsletter to email to the grandparents; shlepping boxes pre Pesach; stuffing the family mishloacg manos; saying a dvar Torah at the Shabbos seuda; etc.
7) Consider play therapy, because nothing will improve his social emotional skills like having someone else focus closely on following his cues in a one on one situation.
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amother
Blueberry
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:24 am
Do you have an option to move him to a different class or school? Ideally he should be in a language based program where there are qualified teachers.
His behavior is not typical and it's important to get to the root of it asap and not just to brush it away with saying gifted child/unsuitable teacher. I would recommend speaking to professionals to see either where you can move him to or how you can work with the teacher, perhaps bringing someone into the classroom for a couple of days to understand what is happening.
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amother
Navyblue
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:02 am
| amother Emerald wrote: | Yup, this is called a twice exceptional child
He needs both an outlet for his strengths and support for his weaknesses - which are exactly the opposite of what's available in our school system which excels at helping kids who are weak academically and strong socially/behaviorally.
Unfortunately, paras usually have little or no training so their support is not always high quality.
Here are some ideas:
1) start with the basics - a thorough vision, hearing, and medical evaluation. Is your child eating and sleeping well?
2) Smart kids can absolutely have language processing issues. Get a good language evaluation and therapy, likely outside the school system.
3) Get a BCBA to observe your child in school and create a program for the para to follow.
4) Your child absolutely must have stimulating academic material on his level, and be held responsible for it.
5) Make sure your child gets plenty of physical activity outside of school.
6) Try to come up with ways your child can feel valued for his talents, outside of school. For example, if he's good at photography, putting together a weekly or monthly family picture newsletter to email to the grandparents; shlepping boxes pre Pesach; stuffing the family mishloacg manos; saying a dvar Torah at the Shabbos seuda; etc.
7) Consider play therapy, because nothing will improve his social emotional skills like having someone else focus closely on following his cues in a one on one situation. |
Yes, twice exceptional is what I was thinking, even from the first post.
These are kids who are exceptionally gifted in one or more areas but also delayed in other areas.
People often blame someone's incredible intelligence on misbehaviour, but the truth is that there are also gifted intelligent kids who know how to behave. It's not the intelligence causing the misbehaviour. It's the missing skills. These poor kids struggle in other areas (impulsivity, regulation, sensory processing, etc), and because they're so smart, they often get into so much trouble because adults expect them to "know better". Twice exceptional is seen sometimes with kids who have ASD or ADHD, but I assume it can also occur with other challenges.
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mha3484
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:10 am
This sounds a lot like my oldest when he was that age. He is 2E. We did an eval for him in 1st grade when he was really undermedicated and he tested in the 99th percentile for verbal expression. All the more so once we got the right med combo. He is gifted, ADHD and some ASD traits but not enough to get diagnosed.
I like to go back and look at the emails from the preschool director when he was 4/5 to see how far he has come since then. He is in 7th grade and a different child. There is a lot of help out there.
I think these kids struggle a lot with defiance because to them its very hard to respect an adult when you are smarter then them by middle school aged. Its a life long avoda for my son to learn this.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:43 am
I appreciate everyone’s input
To the one who suggested photography and family newsletter, he’s only 3, lol.
But yes he helps shlep the groceries
And he does say over the parsha at the Shabbat table.
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Rappel
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:57 am
I like this new title. It matches my 7 year old perfectly.
"My son? Noooo, my son isn't a smart-aleck pain-in-the-tail. No waayyyyyyy. He's just twice exceptional."
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Odelyah
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 4:20 pm
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3 is so young OP, does he have to go to school? How is he at home?
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amother
Lightyellow
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 4:35 pm
| amother OP wrote: | He really is language delayed.
I got him services as soon as he was eligible
The slp always said that he was rough.
He is extremely strong
But he doesn’t really hurt ppl, at least not on purpose.
Even when he pushes his baby sister away (like when playing magnatiles and he doesn’t want her to touch) I notice he does it gently
He gets OT and SLP
But maybe he’s missing something he needs. |
If he’s getting all of those services did he have a full evaluation? He has an IEP?
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