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-> Health & Wellness
-> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:11 am
She calls me crying and begging to start taking weight loss shots. First of all, I'm still nursing and expect to be nursing for another year or so. My doctor has already said it's a hard no while nursing and is also fine with me nursing for however long I want to. She says no reason to stop just for this, I won't die from waiting another year to tackle my obesity. Also, I have reservations about it. I'm worried about side effects and potential long term issues. So even if I didn't have a reason I couldn't, I'm still not sure I'd go ahead just yet (haven't ruled it out, just not ready to go ahead).
My mother, who has long been on my case about my weight, is getting increasingly hysterical that I'm not starting right now. She's guilt tripping me that I'm traumatizing my kids by not taking care of my health. My siblings say I'm selfish and violating kibbud eim. I told them there is no such halacha that I need to follow whatever medical advice my parent thinks is correct. I already told them this is between me and my doctor, they say my doctor is a quack and I need a new one. I'm so exhausted from this fight. I've been avoiding my side of the family for now.
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amother
Yarrow
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:16 am
Sounds like a tough call. You’re all grown up, married with kids of your own, so it seems like you can control your own health choices.
On the other hand, these are the main people in your life that care about you (other than your husband, I assume). So I wouldn’t be so quick to discount what they are saying.
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:17 am
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This sounds really enmeshed of her and your siblings TBH. You, your doctor, and possibly your husband, are the only ones to have any input into your health decisions.
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:18 am
| amother OP wrote: | She calls me crying and begging to start taking weight loss shots. First of all, I'm still nursing and expect to be nursing for another year or so. My doctor has already said it's a hard no while nursing and is also fine with me nursing for however long I want to. She says no reason to stop just for this, I won't die from waiting another year to tackle my obesity. Also, I have reservations about it. I'm worried about side effects and potential long term issues. So even if I didn't have a reason I couldn't, I'm still not sure I'd go ahead just yet (haven't ruled it out, just not ready to go ahead).
My mother, who has long been on my case about my weight, is getting increasingly hysterical that I'm not starting right now. She's guilt tripping me that I'm traumatizing my kids by not taking care of my health. My siblings say I'm selfish and violating kibbud eim. I told them there is no such halacha that I need to follow whatever medical advice my parent thinks is correct. I already told them this is between me and my doctor, they say my doctor is a quack and I need a new one. I'm so exhausted from this fight. I've been avoiding my side of the family for now. |
Wow! OP I am so sorry, that is horrible. First of all, feel free to ask a Rav about kibud av in this place, I am pretty sure it would not apply and you can let your siblings know that (why they are getting involved and meddling is another issue.) To be frank your mom sounds very toxic. She has her own body issues and food issues and is pegging them on you. BMI is a very flawed system. How do you feel? Do you eat whole foods? I imagine you are doing well if you are nursing a baby full time. That is something a healthy person can do! You need to set some boundaries with your mother and if you can't manage it, find a therapist who will help you. Her behavior is appalling and I think you're doing an amazing job! The shots DO have side effects. People would rather have their face age, be sick to their stomach and risk stomach paralysis than not be skinny. People were up in arms about the covid shot, but shots that make you skinny are fine? And yes I have been smaller and bigger. Plus if you ever go off, you just gain the weight back.
I am really really sorry for what you're going through. My mother and my grandmother tortured me for years and years about my weight and now when I look at pictures I have NO idea what they were talking about because I looked fine!
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sushilover
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:18 am
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Not a tough call at all. You listen to your doctor and don't take these shots while nursing. Your family is nuts.
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ima22
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:29 am
Your family needs some boundaries. Do not engage in conversation about this at all. While it obviously comes from a place of love and concern, this approach is inappropriate.
Lay down the ground rules and stick to them. Ty for your love and concern. My health decisions are between me, (my husband) and my doctor. If you bring it up, I will have to end the call. Rinse and repeat and consider not taking their calls if they repeatedly don't respect your boundary.
Separate from this you as a grown woman can deal with your health issues.
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Reality
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:32 am
In what universe is it normal for ones weight to be the family discussion?
OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. This is your decision and yours alone.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:42 am
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They're not wrong that I'm fat. And I'm not happy about it. But I'm also not stupid. I know the risks. I know I need to exercise more and lay off the cake and the pasta. But I'm also not concerned with that right now because I have a lot going on at the moment and this is the ball that I'm choosing to drop for now. But also I have questions and concerns about the shots and even when I will be eligible to give it a try, I'm not necessarily going to. Risks vs benefits need to be considered and they are not without risk.
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:44 am
| Reality wrote: | In what universe is it normal for ones weight to be the family discussion?
OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. This is your decision and yours alone. |
Family around us, often see what we don't see. They may very well have legitimate concerns & are worried for her & her kids sake.
(I'm not saying that her families behavior is ok. I'm just explaining from a different POV.
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:47 am
| amother OP wrote: | | They're not wrong that I'm fat. And I'm not happy about it. But I'm also not stupid. I know the risks. I know I need to exercise more and lay off the cake and the pasta. But I'm also not concerned with that right now because I have a lot going on at the moment and this is the ball that I'm choosing to drop for now. But also I have questions and concerns about the shots and even when I will be eligible to give it a try, I'm not necessarily going to. Risks vs benefits need to be considered and they are not without risk. |
You don't need to do the shots if you're not ready. But taking care of your health, is not a ball to drop when you have kids depending on you. I know it's difficult, but we need to take care of ourselves, if only for our kids sake.
Good luck!
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amother
Petunia
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:48 am
The fact that you dont realize how toxic this is means its even more toxic than this scenario.
Your family is completely enmeshed
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Reality
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:51 am
| amother Ivory wrote: | Family around us, often see what we don't see. They may very well have legitimate concerns & are worried for her & her kids sake.
(I'm not saying that her families behavior is ok. I'm just explaining from a different POV. |
No, just no. Name me one person who struggles with their weight that needs family reminders?
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amother
Jade
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:55 am
Personally I am passive aggressive.
I would say that it really hurts that she cares more about what you look like than if you get thyroid cancer, diabetic retinopathy, pancreatitis , or if your kidneys fail (will she be a living donor for you?). Ask her if your appearance is such an embarrassment to her, and if it is all about image, that she is willing to sacrifice your health to have the image she seems to value. Does she care so little about you as a person? Are your middot, intellect, community involvement… not enough for her to be proud of that she would rather you were skinny , abet ill and unable to be a contributing member of society? It’s amazing she was ever able to marry you off!
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:55 am
| Reality wrote: | | No, just no. Name me one person who struggles with their weight that needs family reminders? |
No one needs a reminder that they're struggling with their weight. But people often need to be made aware of the ramifications of ignoring their health may cause, if can give the person a good push to start taking care of themselves. Certain situations, often need intervention from others. Of course this needs to be done in a sensitive way, and not like OP's family is behaving. (Which is most likely coming out of worry, but not ok behavior nevertheless.)
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:57 am
| amother Jade wrote: | Personally I am passive aggressive.
I would say that it really hurts that she cares more about what you look like than if you get thyroid cancer, diabetic retinopathy, pancreatitis , or if your kidneys fail (will she be a living donor for you?). Ask her if your appearance is such an embarrassment to her, and if it is all about image, that she is willing to sacrifice your health to have the image she seems to value. Does she care so little about you as a person? Are your middot, intellect, community involvement… not enough for her to be proud of that she would rather you were skinny , abet ill and unable to be a contributing member of society? It’s amazing she was ever able to marry you off! |
How do you know that this isn't what her mother is worried about?
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amother
Ecru
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:58 am
Omg!!! That is sooooooo messed up.
Talk about no boundaries.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this situation.
Just be loving yet firm, "thank you, I know you care, I'm going to be doing things my way, please do not bring this up again". If she pushes, "ma, I love you, we will speak a different time, bye" and hang up.
I say this as the mother of your age. Its not right. This is extraordinary not healthy behavior.
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Reality
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:59 am
| amother Ivory wrote: | | No one needs a reminder that they're struggling with their weight. But people often need to be made aware of the ramifications of ignoring their health may cause, if can give the person a good push to start taking care of themselves. Certain situations, often need intervention from others. Of course this needs to be done in a sensitive way, and not like OP's family is behaving. (Which is most likely coming out of worry, but not ok behavior nevertheless.) |
I don't understand how you can even try to defend this behavior.
The road to he-ll is paved with good intentions.
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amother
Jade
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:59 am
| amother Ivory wrote: | | How do you know that this isn't what her mother is worried about? |
Those are potential side effects of Ozempic. Straight off their label.
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:01 am
| Reality wrote: | I don't understand how you can even try to defend this behavior.
The road to he-ll is paved with good intentions. |
As I mentioned several times, I am not defending OP's families behavior at all.
I'm just pointing out that certain situations may warrant sensitive intervention from those around us.
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:02 am
| amother Jade wrote: | | Those are potential side effects of Ozempic. Straight off their label. |
They're potential side effects of obesity as well.
There are different weight loss methods, it's not either the shot or nothing.
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