Mom calls me crying every day

justforfun87

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:03 pm

Do you not own a mirror? Are you not aware you are fat and need the reminder? I doubt it. Unless you are literally bedbound and are full care due to your weight your mother is MAJORLY overstepping. I would tell her to buzz off.

imaima

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:05 pm

amother Yarrow wrote:

Sounds like a tough call. You’re all grown up, married with kids of your own, so it seems like you can control your own health choices.
P
On the other hand, these are the main people in your life that care about you (other than your husband, I assume). So I wouldn’t be so quick to discount what they are saying.

She doesn’t disagree that she needs to lose weight
But her family are manipulative and should back off.
Noone has ever lost weight from this.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:10 pm

Unless she cannot get out of bed in the morning or has actual health concerns from her Dr based on her weight, weight is not the only determining factor for health. There are plenty of thin sick people in this world! People in this group are so overly obsessed with weight and how they look its legitimately scary.

Reality

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:14 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

As I mentioned several times, I am not defending OP's families behavior at all.
I'm just pointing out that certain situations may warrant sensitive intervention from those around us.

And I am just pointing out it is wrong! And most likely will backfire and make your loved ones problems worse.

hodeez

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:23 pm

Why is it a choice between take the shots and live an unhealthy lifestyle? Why not eat right while you are nursing and show your mom that you are prioritizing your health. I don't agree with all the familial hysteria regarding your weight, but if everyone is taking it this seriously maybe there is something to it. Just take that first step and not only will you benefit, but they may also get off your back

amother

Ivory

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:49 pm

Reality wrote:

And I am just pointing out it is wrong! And most likely will backfire and make your loved ones problems worse.

I don't agree that as a blanket statement, it's always wrong for family to sensitively intervene in certain situations.
I also think that it is irresponsible, especially for a parent of little kids, to acknowledge that they have health issues, yet refuse to take care of it.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:53 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

I doubt she has health issues. Not every overweight person has health issues! Please remember that..

amother

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 2:59 pm

I never said I had health issues. I'm obese. No other health problems, which is why my doctor is ok with not taking immediate drastic measures right now. I'm also not against eating healthy (I eat lots of healthy foods! I just also eat more unhealthy foods than I should) but I have a nursing baby who wakes up at night and have other kids with various needs, work full time time, a husband who needs some attention too, etc. Oh, and I cannot lose weight at all while nursing, I have nursed enough babies to know that this is just how my body works. Best I can do is not gain, but losing weight in any fashion is just not going to happen right now anyway, there's literally no point in making myself crazy trying. I do want to lose weight and I'm not stupid (have a PhD, thankyouverymuch) I'm aware that there are risks to my long term health and it's something I'd like to work on, but now is not the time (I'm also not having more babies, so I will be able to work on it when the baby is less time and energy consuming without worrying about getting pregnant again and backsliding).

amother

Ivory

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

So in this case, tell your family firmly that you're taking care of it, and just ignore their comments and do what you need to do at the moment.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:06 pm

There are two separate issues here.

One is OP's health and her doctor does not seem to be worrying about that. Fine. It is TRUE that not all fat people have health issues.

The other is the unhappiness of the mother. She doesn't want to lose her daughter to disease and yes, there are indeed health risks with obesity.

So try to reassure the mother, tell her you have cut out sweets anyway (not a stupid idea) and that you are strong and feel well, and did all these things yesterday! (list them.) And you are so happy! And your husband is so happy! Tell her that.

"Why We Get Fat," a book by Gary Taubes, may interest you.

The MOTHER may be having a serious mental issue here. Being concerned is one thing, fine. But SOBBING every single DAY on the phone may indicate a problem over there. Depression, or chemical imbalance, or reaction to meds or some other thing.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

You do not need to explain yourself. There is such a toxic culture on this site against people who are classified as overweight or obese (and BTW bmi is really not so indicative of health) you are doing great and sound perfectly healthy to me.

Jewishmom8

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:13 pm

why in the world would this phone call ever be ok?
"I will not be discussing my weight again." repeat
we teach people how to treat us.
They will eventually learn and move on to other topics and maybe they will finally respect you.

amother

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:14 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

I know bmi has its issues, but I'm definitely obese. I'm definitely not a concentrated muscle machine, I'm very much just fat 😂

amother

Lemonchiffon

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know bmi has its issues, but I'm definitely obese. I'm definitely not a concentrated muscle machine, I'm very much just fat 😂

You're also a nursing mother...so if you didn't have fat you couldn't provide for your baby. Just saying.

Reality

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:31 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

OP said that she is obese. That is a health issue.

Ugh. Even if someone has health issues because of their weight it is not her mom's place to call her every day crying about it. It is NEVER her siblings place to say a word.

Please tell me you never did this in real life. I promise you your family members despise this part of your personality if you do.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:35 pm

Reality wrote:

Unfortunately, I'm the overweight one in a skinny family......
I said upthread afew times that OP's families behavior is not ok.

I just disagree with the statement that it's never families place to say something in a caring and sensitive way. Every situation is different, and some situations (not specifically regarding weight, but in general), do need sensitive intervention or awareness.

Reality

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:41 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

So then you are desensitized to this horrible behavior. My mil does this to my DH and it is not ok! It is counterproductive and creates a tremendous barrier.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 3:43 pm

Reality wrote:

So then you are desensitized to this horrible behavior. My mil does this to my DH and it is not ok! It is counterproductive and creates a tremendous barrier.

I'm not desensitized as I never experienced horrible behavior bh.
I never said that horrible, insensitive behavior is ok. I never said that what OP's family is doing is ok.