Feeling bad baby gift not appreciated

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:49 pm

My brother and SIL had first boy after a few girls. Rather than just send some random gift, I asked what they would like. They told me boy clothes since baby was wearing all girly hand me downs. Kept seeing pics of him in pink and floral stretchies. So I ordered hundreds of dollars of baby clothes in assorted sizes, from newborn to 1 yr. They did call me when they got the gift to say thank you. I told them to please feel free to exchange anything not to their liking and send me some pics of baby in his new clothes. It's 2.5 months later. They post pics to family WhatsApp 4-5 days a week. Never saw him wearing anything I sent. Also, don't think they exchanged for other boy clothes because he is always still in older sisters' hand-me-downs. I would feel like a jerk calling and asking why he's not wearing any new clothes I sent, and I know I should just be satisfied that I did a nice thing sending a gift they claimed to want and that it isn't really my business what happens once they get the gift... but it still bugs me anyhow. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Sebastian

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:57 pm

They sound strange. And you spent too much on a gift.

amother

Amber

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:02 am

Sorry if baby boy is 3 months old and wearing girly hand me downs I think there is something super off. They're the ones with the problem, not you.

amother

Glitter

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:04 am

Is it possible they exchanged for shabbos clothes?
Are the pictures they post posing or casual?

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:06 am

amother OP wrote:

Perhaps they exchanged them for clothing of a larger size figuring that the girly clothing wont bother the infant now but will later?
If thery are so cash-strapped, that makes the most sense.
In any event, you gave a generous, loving gift and it was appreciated. You are a good Aunt.

amother

Wallflower

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:11 am

I’m sorry for not being sympathetic but I don’t think anyone owes you anything for you giving them a gift. The purpose of a gift is that it’s not transactional. You shouldn’t spend more on a gift than you would be okay with if they chose to not use it in the way you intended.

amother

Kiwi

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:21 am

amother Wallflower wrote:

Did you read the OP? She asked them what they'd like. They said they need some baby boys clothing. So OP got them baby boys clothing, but the baby is still in girls clothing. Something is off here & OP is allowed to question & wonder, without being subject to rude comments.

amother

Kiwi

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:22 am

OP, I would bring it up with them in a casual way.

seeker

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:24 am

Sebastian wrote:

They sound strange. And you spent too much on a gift.

She said she bought a year's worth of clothes for a baby who didn't seem to have any. I think that's exceptionally generous but wouldn't call it "too much" if that's something she is capable of and comfortable doing. If she bought a $100 bib and was sad that it got dirty, I'd say she spent too much, but this sounds lovely

amother

Topaz

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:24 am

Where did you order from?

I wonder if they're struggling financially and exchanged the clothing for diapers or something but were embarrassed to tell you.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:26 am

Why are you spending hundreds on baby clothing?
They sound a bit socially off if their son is wearing floral outfits im sorry. I understand the first week if they were overwhelmed and couldnt go out to shop but he is 2.5 months now

Busybee5

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:29 am

That is so weird. Are you sure they received the clothes?

amother

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:42 am

I did spend a lot. This is my only sibling, he married later in life, and I'm just so excited to have these nieces and now a nephew. If I had ten siblings I couldn't afford to buy like this for each new baby.

Was always close with my brother but less so since he married. She is a very nice person, but a little weird. Not weird really - I mean not socially awkward or anything. She's generally a very together person and friendly and kind and with it -- but she does have some odd ideas that she feels strongly about that can make things tense between us. I can't say more without giving away my identity. It's very particular sorts of things. So I definitely can't ask what's going on. I think it would be tacky, and more than that it might be the sort of thing that gets my SIL worked up.

Clothes came from a store that just sells baby clothes. They could exchange for other baby clothes. They could not get cash back or exchange for diapers, strollers, bedding or anything else.
Yes, the clothes are theirs now. They can wax their car with them if they choose.
It's just strange to me that they're not using them - or something they exchanged them for. And it hurts a little that I gave with excitement and asked for a picture and nothing ever came.
I'm not angry at them. Just a little baffled and a little hurt.

amother

Bergamot

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:46 am

Maybe they keep it for when they take him out, and put him in old hand me downs when they’re home because they want to keep the clothing in good condition.
There are people who do that.
So nice and thoughtful of you, both the gift, and the way you asked what they needed.

amother

Catmint

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe they returned for a credit and sold the credit to have some money ?
Just thinking what I would do in their situation. Because At one point I was in that situation and couldn't afford diapers and the amazon registries were running at that time here on Imamother and it literally saved me. So even though my baby boy wore girl footies, I needed diapers way more urgently. And formula.
I want to mention that in desperation, when returning one of the baby gifts I received, I told the store owner how desperately I need the money if they would please give me a refund. And they did!

But what's strange is that your brother and sil don't use anything! At least 1 or 2 boys stuff they should've kept to dress him in boys clothing.

amother

Catmint

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:56 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Makes sense. I do that now since I can't afford to buy new things.

tichellady

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 1:23 am

My guess is they are using it on Shabbat and that’s why there are no pics. That was very sweet of you and I’m sure they appreciate if even if they aren’t showing it

amother

Pearl

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 7:32 am

Sounds very strange

When my sil gave me baby clothes as a gift I made sure to put on my baby to send her a picture. Honestly wasn't my style but I still put it on to send a picture so my sil would feel good.

When a different sil gave a giftcard to a clothing store I bought a few baby outfits and took a picture of my baby in one and texted a picture and wrote "an outfit I got with your giftcard thank you"

Only thing I can think of is if they exchanged for larger sizes. So they'd have more for when he is a larger size.
Even if they're not their taste, you did tell them that they can exchange the clothes....so I hope at some point the little boy will be put in boy clothes

kenz

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 7:53 am

Can you ask your brother directly without involving his wife something pareve like, “Hey, are you able to use the stuff I sent?” without mentioning the pics at all? I would be bothered too.

amother

Teal

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 7:58 am

Maybe they need money and returned them for money and are too embrassed to say they need money.

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