Kids want but I can’t afford

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 7:31 am

My teen dd says most girls in her class shop at the super expensive Jewish store (and I believe this). Now she wants to shop there, but there is simply no way we can and it’s just so not fair to her. But she’s a teen and she wants to fit in.

Also, now floafers is having a huge sale. I wish I could buy my kids floafers. Literally $12 a pair. But even that is a huge stretch for me.it just feels so unfair.

We have so much debt just from trying to make life work.

Anyone else relate? I’m just so tired of this.

Yes I know clothes/shoes are not a necessity but it’s important to me that my kids look nice (again I’m not bemoaning that I can’t spend $40/60/80 on shoes). I’m bemoaning that I can’t spend $12

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 7:51 am

dinglehopper wrote:

Can she take on a small job to pay for her wants?

Ya she babysits a ton (she’s 12). But I feel like as a Mom I should be able to buy some clothing for her at least. At least one new outfit for yom tov that she feels good in and feels like her friends.
I don’t know if it’s right to make my dd pay for her yom tov clothing (if she wants more than 1 then yes I understand).

Also for my youngers, I want floafers because they’re cute and practical and it’s the only pair of shoes they own the entire summer. And for $15 it’s not an out of control purchase. And I hate that I can’t buy that either.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 7:55 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m so sorry. And yes, that’s absolutely valid to want to be able to buy your 12 year old a nice dress like her friends.
What shoes do you actually buy that are less than $12? Or do you get hand me downs?
Also, where do you live?

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 7:58 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

No I don’t buy shoes less than that. Every so often I just bite the bullet and buy the shoes when we need (and put further into debt). Oh well… and I usually spend around $20. I mean technically my dd2 can wear her ankle boots, they still fit. But it will be pretty hot to wear those into the summer.

I feel guilty for every single purchase. We are hardly making it paying just bills and we live simply (not getting into it, but we are working to o increase salary, and now that I took a new job we are getting kicked off snap and Medicaid).

I live out of town (I’d rather not say where publicly)
Thanks for your concern!

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Would you be ok posting the size floafers you need? Boy/girl. I have some barely worn pairs that were too small when I bought them last year. Would be so happy to send to you if they work.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:10 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Would you be ok posting the size floafers you need? Boy/girl. I have some barely worn pairs that were too small when I bought them last year. Would be so happy to send to you if they work.

Wow that would be so nice thanks!!

DS is size 13 little kids
DD toddler 7
DD girls 4

And my oldest dd is a ladies 7 or 8 (but she has sneakers she can do without floafers).

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:37 am

For clothing you can try ordering from Shein or through Ali picks. You can find something not expensive and she will feel good about getting something new.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:03 am

amother Indigo wrote:

For clothing you can try ordering from Shein or through Ali picks. You can find something not expensive and she will feel good about getting something new.

I can’t buy any clothing. And yes when I do buy I shop like that.
But now she wants to go to the Jewish store (its important to her)

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:12 am

I think you should speak to your Rabbi as most Shuls will raise money to give out for Yom Tov expenses Kimcha Dapischa. This is even for ppl that sort of manage most of year.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:15 am

amother Indigo wrote:

I think you should speak to your Rabbi as most Shuls will raise money to give out for Yom Tov expenses Kimcha Dapischa. This is even for ppl that sort of manage most of year.

We have ton of debt (50k). How can I buy things new when if I get any money it should go for debt

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:21 am

amother Mustard wrote:

She can babysit or do other things for neighbors and earn money to buy herself clothing. It adds up fast.

Right I just wish, as I mom I was able to afford to take her there. Even for just one dress

Success10

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:26 am

amother OP wrote:

We have ton of debt (50k). How can I buy things new when if I get any money it should go for debt

I think that's specifically why a lot of these yontiv help packages come as gift certificates to certain clothing stores because they specifically feel you deserve to feel good and mechubad for yontiv and not just on keeping the electricity on. You do deserve it, even if you are 50k in debt.

I hope you are able to reach out and take the help. Not a big deal these days, many do. Heart

amother

Cherry

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:26 am

amother OP wrote:

We have ton of debt (50k). How can I buy things new when if I get any money it should go for debt

Because you still have to take care of your family while paying off debt. If not, you may end up with bigger problems...
Are you working with a financial advisor to pay off debt? It may be a good idea to help you prioritize which current expenses are valid and sensible to pay.
You can reach out to Mesila for guidance.
Also definitely speak to your rav about assistance with dressing your kids and food for yomtov. There are organizations that give gift cards specifically to clothing stores so you use the $ to buy clothing and not to pay off debt or other expenses.
Wishing you hatzlocha and strength to get through this difficult time.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:27 am

Saving $100 isn't going to make your debt go away.
By making your daughter feel good will go a long way. As my neighbor would say what if you have to spend that $ for therapy

I hope you can get help for other yom tov expanses too

amother

Mustard

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:31 am

amother OP wrote:

We have ton of debt (50k). How can I buy things new when if I get any money it should go for debt

You won’t get rid of your debt so quickly anyway. You should live normally and not put every penny towards it. This is a really unhealthy way to live. You put some towards it and some towards living like normal people. If you can’t buy $12 Floafers because all the money is going to pay off debt you are doing something wrong.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:33 am

amother Cherry wrote:

First off mesila charges.

No one in my area gives gift card for clothing.

We don’t work with a financial advisor to pay debt because right now we don’t have any means to pay it. Just scraping by with basic month to month expenses

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:35 am

amother Mustard wrote:

But that’s how I got into debt in the fist place.

Exactly this attitude.

(Also a few very high dental bills and car repairs really was the bulk of it. But just things like buying a few clothing items (on sale), or buying garbage bags or paper towels, every month it adds up and all of a sudden it’s 50k and snowballing every month) (and we can’t get any more balance tranfer offers because of poor credit)

amother

Birch

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 9:36 am

If you are going to anyway bite the bullet and buy $20 shoes, you may as well just buy the $12 floafers.

Your daughter can babysit to make money. She can already charge 8 to 10 an hour at age 12 and it adds up fast.