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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Purim
justforfun87
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 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:41 am
Every year I wait for the posts and my heart aches. Someone inevitably is so pained by Purim. Last year we drove around crazy for so many hours trying to deliver to people so they wouldn't feel left out that I ended up crying. I could not handle it. I told myself this year I would stay home aside from the few my kids want to give out. Then I start thinking about all singles, the divorced, the lonely people, the introverts who tell me I am one of their only friends, the misfits and my anxiety goes up again. I really feel I can't get to everyone and for some reason I know A LOT of people in these situations. Not to make this about me but how do you prioritize? I am also hosting the seder and have anxiety people will show up and feel left out from not being invited.
AHHH
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oneofakind
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:50 am
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It's beautiful that you are so empathetic but is your anxiety about feeling you need to take care of all of them yourself? Do you think it's possible? Do you think Hashem has no other messengers?
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justforfun87
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:59 am
| oneofakind wrote: | | It's beautiful that you are so empathetic but is your anxiety about feeling you need to take care of all of them yourself? Do you think it's possible? Do you think Hashem has no other messengers? |
I don't know. I have met people and read threads her who have said they don't know even one single person to invite for a meal. Not ONE! This obviously means they aren't opening their eyes. Even just reading these threads people state they don't get a single MM. In real life I am not sensitive and come off quite tough but I am a sucker for these situations.
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:05 pm
It's really beautiful that you care.
But you do also need to keep your sanity. Decide on a certain amount that is doable and then keep to that.
And I don't mean to be insensitive to people who don't get mm, but doesn't that mean they're also not giving? I find it hard to believe you can give out 20 mm and not receive a single one in response... Of course, that's not taking into account people who are handicapped and cannot leave their home. That's a totally different story.
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justforfun87
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:07 pm
| amother Papaya wrote: | It's really beautiful that you care.
But you do also need to keep your sanity. Decide on a certain amount that is doable and then keep to that.
And I don't mean to be insensitive to people who don't get mm, but doesn't that mean they're also not giving? I find it hard to believe you can give out 20 mm and not receive a single one in response... Of course, that's not taking into account people who are handicapped and cannot leave their home. That's a totally different story. |
Right, so I understand what you are saying. People tend to fall into a trap of victimhood like those who never host but state they never get invited out. MM delivery almost becomes this race of who thought of who first? Would they even deliver to me if I didn't bring to them first?
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amother
Hyssop
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:11 pm
| amother Papaya wrote: |
And I don't mean to be insensitive to people who don't get mm, but doesn't that mean they're also not giving? I find it hard to believe you can give out 20 mm and not receive a single one in response... Of course, that's not taking into account people who are handicapped and cannot leave their home. That's a totally different story. |
Introverts might not know twenty people to give to. They'll choose five people whom they feel they know well to give to. Then, say, two of them are out, so they leave it by the door. The other three are home, and give them something in return. It's a completely different feeling when someone thinks of you, and makes the effort to come to your house and give you without being prompted.
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:12 pm
| justforfun87 wrote: | | Right, so I understand what you are saying. People tend to fall into a trap of victimhood like those who never host but state they never get invited out. MM delivery almost becomes this race of who thought of who first? Would they even deliver to me if I didn't bring to them first? | Exactly.
People need to stop keeping track of that. Totally defeats the whole purpose of Purim.
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:15 pm
| amother Hyssop wrote: | | Introverts might not know twenty people to give to. They'll choose five people whom they feel they know well to give to. Then, say, two of them are out, so they leave it by the door. The other three are home, and give them something in return. It's a completely different feeling when someone thinks of you, and makes the effort to come to your house and give you without being prompted. | But by that token, I also barely get any mm. I never once thought to be sad about it. The point is just to give.
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justforfun87
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:17 pm
| amother Hyssop wrote: | | Introverts might not know twenty people to give to. They'll choose five people whom they feel they know well to give to. Then, say, two of them are out, so they leave it by the door. The other three are home, and give them something in return. It's a completely different feeling when someone thinks of you, and makes the effort to come to your house and give you without being prompted. |
Right. A single driving around town all day and then coming home to only 1mm is very very painful.
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amother
Ginger
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:37 pm
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You sound like a very caring person! Is it possible to make a list of the people you would like to deliver to, and then split the list with friends?
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justforfun87
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:18 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | You sound like a very caring person! Is it possible to make a list of the people you would like to deliver to, and then split the list with friends? |
It is more the anxiety over the caring part. I mean I think people would personally want from us not from a deliverer. Like they would think "why didn't the Cohens bring to us this year?"
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amother
Honey
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:24 pm
I would say to put it on them.
Send a note to all the people before purim saying “I hope to see you. I’ll be home these hours. It would mean a lot to me if you would come by.”
Spend one hour (early morning before traffic gets bad) to visit home bound people.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:27 pm
OP, for years we deliver all MM a couple of days earlier to our friends because of traffic and on Purim itself only to the neighbors.
Highly highly recommended. No way I'm spending Precious Purim time in traffic jams.
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amother
Cyan
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:31 pm
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Don't stop giving! That is the nicest thing ever! Just start giving on Taanis Esther also.
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justforfun87
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:32 pm
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | OP, for years we deliver all MM a couple of days earlier to our friends because of traffic and on Purim itself only to the neighbors.
Highly highly recommended. No way I'm spending Precious Purim time in traffic jams. |
hmmm.... this is an idea. Has that been well received? Doesn't feel like an after thought or a "before" thought? I kind of like this idea. There are a few people where this may be applicable to. The traffic is the absolute worst in town!
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keym
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:41 pm
| justforfun87 wrote: | | hmmm.... this is an idea. Has that been well received? Doesn't feel like an after thought or a "before" thought? I kind of like this idea. There are a few people where this may be applicable to. The traffic is the absolute worst in town! |
In my town (Lakewood) traffic on Taanis Esther is even worse in some areas than on Purim itself, and Purim traffic is horrible.
I wonder if some of the people you can honest. That you really want to come, but it just doesn't look like you will be able to make it, due to your kids needs and traffic but youd love if they come to you from x-y time for a Purim mini seuda or party.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:00 pm
| justforfun87 wrote: | | hmmm.... this is an idea. Has that been well received? Doesn't feel like an after thought or a "before" thought? I kind of like this idea. There are a few people where this may be applicable to. The traffic is the absolute worst in town! |
Haven't had any complaints or raised eye brows from anyone  It works very well for us and people definitely understand 100%.
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amother
NeonPurple
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:03 pm
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I so wish we would go back to the bare basics. Send 2 foods to 1-2 people and be done with it. We would save so much money and so many hurt feelings. And on top of that we would actually be able to enjoy purim instead of spending the day delivering the MM.
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WonderIma
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:06 pm
| justforfun87 wrote: | | hmmm.... this is an idea. Has that been well received? Doesn't feel like an after thought or a "before" thought? I kind of like this idea. There are a few people where this may be applicable to. The traffic is the absolute worst in town! |
It's all about framing. If you say that you are coming early because giving MM to them is so important to you that didn't even want to consider risking not making it purim because of the traffic, I would think that it would be appreciated.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:21 pm
| amother NeonPurple wrote: | | I so wish we would go back to the bare basics. Send 2 foods to 1-2 people and be done with it. We would save so much money and so many hurt feelings. And on top of that we would actually be able to enjoy purim instead of spending the day delivering the MM. |
DH clearly told me when we got married: The MM list is not to be expanded. And he is right.
We do very simple stuff. I absolutely *don't* invest in fancy packaging.
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