When one kid ruins the whole tone of the class

amother

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:34 pm

I have a daughter in third grade and she bh has lots of friends and is doing well in all areas. There is one girl in her class that is extremely extremely agressive and ruins the whole tone of the class. She does not have many friends in the class as the kids try to avoid her but no one either wants to do be on her bad side cuz she can make your life miserable. If my daughter ever comes home unhappy usually this kid is somehow involved. I know both her parents and lets just say that the apple does not fall far from the tree. There is not another class to switch into and I am working on switching schools but it doenst look like its going to happen.

The school really has their tied too. I know the kid is in therapy but she is technically a normal regular kid who belongs in regular school and they can't kick her out but she is completely ruining the dynamics of the class. Did anyone have this situation before? How did you handle it?

amother

Bone

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Firstly, I want to say I have a child like this, and as much as I am open to criticism and whatnot it has zero to do with me and my husband (as evidenced by the fact that my other kids are not like this).

It’s so tough as the parent of this child.we are exploring unfortunately a non Jewish school that has the behavioral component.

Chayalle

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:47 pm

One of my daughters had a classmate who created a bullying atmosphere that made it very difficult for the class. The school brought in a professional to help the teacher deal with the situation. Unfortunately things did not end well for the bully. I think she probably hurt most of all.....

I always think, that girl (even though she was so hurtful to my child) is Hashem's child too. Hashem should help her find her way back to a healthy and frum life.

In the meantime, do what you can to build up your own child and daven for that other girl. Hurt people hurt people.....

amother

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 1:56 pm

Chayalle wrote:

This kid is not a typical bully. She is just very agressive and happens to be articulate beyond her years. If the class is doing a class activity she will alwasy try to take charge and be the boss. She is always trying to arrange things but in an overly aggressive way. She can't be part of a team. She always needs to be the leader. If kids are playing a nice game of ball they don't want her to join because she will then try to take over the game. She needs to learn how to be a team player.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

In other words, she’s lacking social skills…

amother

Opal

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:05 pm

Wow!
My kids classes have had way worse kids. Part of being learning to be a part of society is learning to not let a bad apple effect the bunch.
Let the school and teacher decide how they want to handle that girl and you work on empowering your daughter to rise above it.
There will be someone like this in her bunk, someone like this where she works one day…

Chayalle

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

OK so what is being done for her in terms of social skills? Is she getting help? This is something the school should address with her parents.

amother

Bone

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sounds exactly like my daughter. Wonder if it is...

amother

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:31 pm

Chayalle wrote:

OK so what is being done for her in terms of social skills? Is she getting help? This is something the school should address with her parents.

The kid is in therapy and I know they are in constant touch with her parents. I have 5 other kids some older then this daughter and some younger and never have had the issues with an agressive kid like this before. Yes, there are bad apples in every bunch but this is an extreme case.

amother

Bone

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bad apple?? This is a child. With a neshama and a heart and feelings.

You might be talking about my daughter.

She’s tough but she’s a tzelem Elokim and she has a mother who loves her

I wonder if it helps your daughter by you referring to this girls as a bad apple

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

If she is in therapy and the parents are aware and presumably trying to help, probably not much more can be done. I pity the parents this isn't easy to deal with. Calling her a "bad apple" and other negative names won't help either. Teach your daughter appropriate ways and strategies to react to her.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:35 pm

My daughter has such a girl in her class. She's not a bully, but is just very immature, attention seeking, does weird things in school, and lacks social awareness. I keep on telling my daughter that a class is made up of all types of girls, and now is the time to learn to tolerate different people because once she'll grow up & go out in to the world, she'll have to deal with all types of people. So my daughters attitude has changed from being annoyed to bh being nice to & befriending that girl. Other's saw my daughter behavior towards that girl, and they have changed their attitude as well.
I am so proud of my daughter, I know that it's really not easy. This has been going on for years already.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 2:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

A bad apple?? I surely hope you don't give this attitude over to your daughter. Just because a child struggles and isn't perfect, doesn't make them a bad apple. What a horrible thing to say.
You need to learn to tolerate those that aren't perfect & teach your daughter to do the same. You want her to be able to deal with people like a mentch.

Chayalle

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

None of us can really know from a description exactly what's going on, but I can tell you as the mother of a child who is a stronger personality (she takes after me in this) that loves to be in charge, and had to learn to be more of a team player, that your use of language here is painful to me, and probably to other mothers of children who are like this.

Many of these children have incredible abilities that just need to be channeled in the right direction. They can be the CEO of a corporation, the principal of a large school, or the founder of a Tzedaka organization. They have the mettle and capability to lead, and with the right kind of guidance and direction, can do really well.

Calling a young child a bad apple can literally squelch these abilities and deprive future society of someone very special.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Chayalle, you rock. When the time comes I'd love to make a shidduch Very Happy

my son is the same age and similar personality as your DD (although maybe that doesn't make for a great marriage...)

OP, consider yourself blessed that you've never had a kid like this in any of your kids' classes, and that none of your kids are like this.

notshanarishona

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:18 pm

Changing classes or schools over one kid is never a good idea. I have tried before when my daughter was younger to switch my daughters class and eventually I realized there are going to be rough kids or bullies in every class and you as a parent have no control over that. What you can do is work on your child(ren) to know how to protect themselves, how to go to adults, how to not let it destroy them.

amother

Gardenia

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:21 pm

Many moons ago when I was freshly out of seminary, I taught a young grade (under 10).
I had one student who presented exactly like your daughter’s classmate.
If I have any regrets for my young teaching days it is that I didn’t shower this kid with more unconditional love. These kids get a lot of negativity thrown their way. It is a cycle, their aggression attracts negativity, which causes more aggression. I realized years later with more experience that this child was missing love and positivity, as irritating as she was.

Just a thought to keep in mind.