Would you have said something? (baby left alone)

amother

Aqua

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:05 am

Cheiny wrote:

I said something to a mother who left her approx-10 yr old son sitting in the driver’s seat of a RUNNING car, and a tiny baby in a car seat behind him, while the older one was playing with the gears! My friend and I waited with the children until the mother finally came out of the supermarket quite a while later, and after my friend told her the son was playing with the gears and could’ve driven it (!), her response was to reprimand the child for “misbehaving!” Wow. Talk about clueless. Some people seem too irresponsible to parent their children. This is not ok. Hashem Yishmor.

Do you think that the scenario you just described is in any way comparable to the scenario OP described?

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:09 am

happy7 wrote:

Do you know how many stores ask you to leave your stroller with your baby at the front or OUTSIDE?!?
It is ridiculous.
There is a false sense of security that it’s a frum community and frum store and so it’s fine.
This is a culture that has been going on for decades.
Yo can’t really change it.

I've never heard of this. Been living in frum areas all my life.

WhatFor

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:09 am

effess wrote:

Here’s a scenario that must likely happened:
Mother came into the packed store and soon after the baby fell asleep. Mom asked 8 yr old big brother to wheel him around while she shops, probably with a few other kids. After a few minutes mom looks at big brother and notices no stroller.
Oh my!
Leiby, where is baby?
Leiby doesn’t know what to answer bc he can’t remember.
Mom and kids then go and search for baby. They find him.
Baby is ok bh but mom is fuming at herself for thinking that Leiby would be helpful in wheeling around the baby while she shops.
She might even let out her anger at Leiby.
She is not in a position to talk to you. Brother takes the baby and they head out.
Thanks for keeping an eye on the baby.
That was nice.
Saying anything is unhelpful.

I thought the same thing but with the DH. Especially bc OP said her DH was at the checkout. The fact that she said they came running made me think of it. If someone deliberately left their baby there because they thought it was a normal thing to do, why would they go running like that to get the baby? They hadn't even checked out yet, so it's not like they needed to rush in order to leave that second. The mom could have sent the boy to get the baby while she checked out if she thought the whole thing was so normal. I think they came running because they were looking for the baby because they thought someone else had him.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:14 am

amother OP wrote:

lol they came out from about 7 aisles away. I looked down and up near the aisles I was in. NO ONE was looking at this baby except me. They honestly looked like they forgot him with how fast the brother ran to him.
It would have been so easy for anyone to take him, literally no one claimed him for close to 10 minutes

So they clearly realized their awful awful accidental neglect. What would saying something help? Clearly they don't think it's ok and presumably are setting up safeguards to make sure this would never happen again.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:16 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

OP didn’t report your post, I did. Your tone and language is unkind and harsh. You’re entitled to your opinion but there is no need to be nasty to OP.

For the record, the reason I am reacting so strongly against OP in this thread is because someone once anonymously came on imamother and posted a detailed self-righteous story about how she had seen someone horrifyingly neglecting their kids and she stepped in to save the day and oh wasn’t it terrible and did she do the right thing and what would you have done?? The whole post was eerily similar to this one.

EXCEPT in that case, I actually knew the “neglectful parents” she was posting about and knew that she had exaggerated and even made up certain details to make the parents seem even worse and make herself seem even more amazing. And of course she got dozens of replies praising her and validating her amazingness. And since I was familiar with the story, and with the poster herself, I knew that she was a herself a far from perfect parent (some would say GASP neglectful) and actually had a reputation in her neighborhood for always scrambling to make sure her kids were properly cared for. And so I understood that she was likely sadly posting an exaggerated story to assuage her own guilt and/or to get praise from strangers online.

So yes I may be unfairly projecting my feelings onto the current OP but honestly I don’t honk I’m wrong because I can read between the lines at the intentions of posts like this one. And I actually think there is a good chance she is even the same poster as with the other scenario.

BH Yom Yom

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:16 am

amother Aqua wrote:

Yes my tone was not kind but I don’t think it was any harsher than the tone she used in this thread towards people she disagreed with.

Your tone seems pretty harsh to me throughout the thread. I get that you feel very strongly about this and I believe you are sincere and have good intentions. But to tell OP that she came to “bash the mother” when she clearly states that that was not her intent? Not okay and not fair. To assume you know what she is thinking or feeling (declaring that she is “fishing for gratitude” and that she’s insecure in her own parenting?) is a personal attack and out of line. Nothing she wrote is remotely comparably aggressive.

I don’t mean to hurt you in my reply, that’s not my intent either. I really think the harshness toward OP is uncalled for and so I am clarifying why I reported your post.

Edited for typo.

Last edited by BH Yom Yom on Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:21 am; edited 1 time in total

BH Yom Yom

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:20 am

amother Aqua wrote:

I understand that this thread reminds you of that other one, I don’t think it’s fair to assume that they are the same person based on similar-ish situations. I’ve definitely read several threads on the site about babies being left in strollers, and I wouldn’t think for a minute that they were all by the same OP. I don’t know what the other thread was, but I think it’s better to err on the side of being DLKZ this OP…also, I didn’t see anything in her post that was self congratulatory, my sense was that she was asking what others would’ve done to gauge whether she made the right choice not to say anything to the parents.

I could be wrong, but that’s the impression I got.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:22 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

You’re right I was harsh. I posted a reply above your last post that explains my tone.

BH Yom Yom

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:25 am

Trademark wrote:

Why is everyone taking their entire family to the grocery at such a stressful time? Can't one spouse do it?

Also I would be less worried about the kidnapping then about the baby crying like some people mentioned above.

I once saw in a grocery a baby crying and the parent not there.

I would also find that super stressful! I have a small family right now, but the idea of taking the kids to the grocery store and chasing after a toddler is definitely anxiety producing for me!

GLUE

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:32 am

Trademark wrote:

Why is everyone taking their entire family to the grocery at such a stressful time? Can't one spouse do it?

Not necessarily, it could be that they don't even live in that town and just came in to do some shopping.
They could have had to go to a few stores so they are doing it all together.
Could be one spouse was picking up the other and once they were all in the car they will just go shopping.

So many different reasons.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:40 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

You’re right it’s possible and maybe even probable that the threads have two different OPs. But it’s obvious to me here, just as it was obvious to me there because I knew more details, that OP is posting to receive self righteous praise and make herself feel good for not being as terrible as that mother. Can you explain any other reason OP would even post this? The situation is over. What exactly is she looking for insight on over here? Whether she should have acted differently? I’m not buying it. Maybe its just because I know people like this IRL and it’s so easy to read them once you catch on to them.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:41 am

thatworn wrote:

Are you new to your community? In some communities, this is totally the norm. I wouldn't say anything because it's not going to accomplish much. Asking stores to post signs will not accomplish anything either. The OBGYN office I used in a frum community has plenty of signs to remind the patients that they should not leave their children in the waiting room unattended, but there were plenty of unattended toddlers hanging around there in their carriages. I always wonder how they trained their children to sit in the carriage for so long and not make a fuss.

That’s exactly how they “trained” them: by doing it often. Shameful, and very sad for the children.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:42 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

So not an exclusively Jewish thing.
My family is from a wealthy country in Europe where it's completely normal and considered healthy to leave your baby napping in a stroller outside.

Americans have been brainwashed to be terrified of kidnapping.

OMG. How horrible.

And I’ll add, would you enlightened Europeans similarly leave their money and jewels alone outside, unattended? And if not why not?

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 10:45 am

flowerpower wrote:

Definitely say nothing. The kid was sleeping in the stroller. Not sitting in an unattended cart. Mom was busy and overwhelmed. Cut her some slack. ( my kids come with me. I don’t leave them unattended. But I learnt over the years to be less judgy and move mute. You never know the full story)

The ‘full story’ is irrelevant, and there are no justifiable excuses for leaving a baby unattended! I can not believe anyone would defend this.

And I’m not understanding your point of it being “better” that the unattended child was left in a stroller rather than a cart… are you saying that’s safer?