Would you have said something? (baby left alone)

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Okay so most of you are giving- totally cool to leave ur baby alone and everyone should mind their business.
Got it. I don’t need to watch over stranded babies. Thank you everyone, happy Purim!

(Only on this website…)

I’m glad your common sense and responsible parenting are intact. As for the others, all I can say is, I sure hope it won’t take a tragedy c”v to make people understand what should be automatically understood. When you have children, you’ve taken on a serious responsibility. It may not always be convenient or comfortable or easy, but nevertheless it is an obligation to do everything possible to keep those kids safe. You do not leave a baby alone for “even a minute.” If they were left alone at home and the authorities were alerted, the parents would be arrested. There’s a reason for that.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:55 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

OP I think you are honestly blowing this way out of proportion. The baby was in no danger. There are virtually zero instances of babies being kidnapped from their strollers from busy kosher grocery stores. Especially if the stroller wasn’t parked anywhere near an exit. It’s literally a non issue. My only concern would be if the baby wakes up and cries for its parents. Would I leave my sleeping baby for 7 minutes? No, but I also think it was totally not necessary for you to stand around. Maybe you have an underlying anxiety issue that needs to be addressed.

No, she does not have an anxiety issue, underlying or otherwise, for expressing the fact that it’s unsafe and irresponsible and neglectful for parents to leave their babies unattended in public places.

As for your claim that there are “virtually” zero instances (and if there was even one instance, would that be a good enough gamble for you to risk it with your child?), are you not aware that there were instances in Boro Park where people were trying to grab girls playing outside? What makes you think frum areas are free from crime?
And I’d ask you again, even if the odds are super low, are you stating that those are good enough odds that you’d risk taking a chance with your babies for?

amother

Cherry

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:56 pm

@aqua and @sapphire, OP doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. I don't think she was resentful about watching the baby. I don't either think that she came here to be praised or to bash the mother.
Her first post sounded like the kind of situation where you're caught in the moment so you so what you feel is best but then afterwards you second guess yourself. So maybe once she got home she was mentally going back and forth if it was better that she kept quiet or if it would have been beneficial to say something. Maybe she really did want to hear what others would have done.

I don't know OP and I wasn't there when this story happened so my guess about her and her intentions is as good as yours, who really knows....but just try to be nice. And even if you feel like she wasn't nice, 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have issues because I care about other children? Okay I guess I’ll look into that. I’m happy I didn’t say anything to the mom. She’d probably slap me for showing any concern for her child bc hello! I need to mind my business

Please don’t! Even if there’s a small chance a neglectful parent will take to heart what you said, it’s well worth it. Pity those poor, innocent children in the hands of clueless parents… you continue doing the right thing. Don’t be put off by those who are defending the indefensible: neglect.

And I’d keep going back to, I can guarantee these same parents would never consider leaving their wallets unattended. But their babies? Sure, it’s safe.

amother

Taupe

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:58 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

You’re saying a lot of things here that contradict other things you said in this thread. Now you’re saying that you didn’t think there was a high level of danger, that you didn’t come on here to bash the mother, that you wouldn’t judge her. You’ve been saying the opposite in your OP and in your comments for the last 3 pages. And for the record, “ I saw ur baby alone and I got worried but I’m happy u have him BH” is literally a passive aggressive statement. What would be the point of saying that if not to either passively aggressively tell the mother she was neglectful, or to fish for gratitude from her for saving her baby?

You came on this thread to bash the mother and to hear everyone tell you what an amazing person you are for doing what you did. I’m pretty sure that deep down (or not so deep down) you are insecure about your own parenting and so you seek these situations out as a way to make yourself feel better about yourself (in an “oh my heavens I would NEVER do that to my baby” clutching pearls type of way).

that last part reminds me of my mother!
I put the baby to sleep without a bottle. And she was all your poor kids are living on miracles. Well their not being bullied by their teachers and classmates. Like she let me be so...

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 1:58 pm

amother Garnet wrote:

Good luck attempting to push a shopping cart too far in the next few days.

Yes the family was probably struggling to get anywhere without getting their stroller entangled in other shoppers every two steps, so they decided to park the baby in a corner and return within a few minutes.

A little daring? Yes. Outrageous? No.

Do you think they’d leave their wallet in the cart too. Pocketbook?

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:01 pm

Aqua I won’t continue with you bc my DH once told me- if a crazy person call u crazy, would you argue with them? U believe I’m an OP of a thread I have never even read and assume I’m the type who’s desperate for validation.
But I think that perhaps ur so defensive bc ur a mom who would leave her baby unattended. I’m only saying this once bc there’s no point to continue this thread after-
Please do not leave your baby unattended in a public setting. Please take your baby with you. It does not physically hurt to keep your child by your side.
Easy fast, everyone 🇮🇱

amother

Crystal

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:02 pm

amother Gladiolus wrote:

I know it used to be a thing but I live in Boro park and don’t see this happening. Moms will leave sleeping babies at the front of the store where they can keep an eye out.

This. I haven't seen it done in the past 5 years or so.

Re the op, it's likely the older child was tasked with wheeling the stroller while mom has the cart but he then got distracted. Personally I don't leave my babies alone for a second but in this case the child was most likely not in any kind of danger & the older sibling/ parents made a mistake.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:05 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

Yes OP. I’m not trying to be unkind. I have, and would, stay with an unattended child that is in a dangerous situation. The difference is this was not a dangerous situation, even if it was a situation that you were personally uncomfortable with (as I would be). The fact that you perceived a level of danger high enough to make you stand there with 3 children for 7 minutes is perhaps a sign that your anxiety about child safety is too high. Either that, or you felt the need to be a knight in shining armor and passive aggressively show the mom how neglectful she was (after all, how would even know that you were standing there for 7 minutes, unless you looked at your watch as soon as you started standing there, and what would be your reason for doing that if not so you can keep track of just how horribly neglectful this mother was, and tell everyone about it after?)

Wow. I can only hope those who claim it’s perfectly safe and fine to leave babies unattended are very young. Hopefully they’ll learn and become more responsible.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:06 pm

effess wrote:

Here’s a scenario that must likely happened:
Mother came into the packed store and soon after the baby fell asleep. Mom asked 8 yr old big brother to wheel him around while she shops, probably with a few other kids. After a few minutes mom looks at big brother and notices no stroller.
Oh my!
Leiby, where is baby?
Leiby doesn’t know what to answer bc he can’t remember.
Mom and kids then go and search for baby. They find him.
Baby is ok bh but mom is fuming at herself for thinking that Leiby would be helpful in wheeling around the baby while she shops.
She might even let out her anger at Leiby.
She is not in a position to talk to you. Brother takes the baby and they head out.
Thanks for keeping an eye on the baby.
That was nice.
Saying anything is unhelpful.

That’s a great story you just came up with. And it took them 7 minutes to notice baby is missing and to find their baby?

amother

Freesia

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:09 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

So whats wrong about it? Because you said so?

In 5 towns its not socially accepted to leave your sleeping child like this, so people dont. Doesn't mean its actually dangerous. However, it is socially accepted in 5T to leave them all day with non-english speaking help. Statistically, more likely something bad happens to your kid from that (eg, the help hitting or ignoring the child).

...are you really comparing leaving your child alone in a shopping cart or alone in the street is the same as a non Jewish babysitter/cleaning help watching a child? Presumably those mothers called references before hiring these sitters. Leaving your child alone in a public space is not safe in America. I'm honestly shocked youre comparing the two.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:13 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

Wow, talk about reaching… do you have a degree in psychology or social work?

GLUE wrote:

Just out of curiosity how many kids where kidnapped by strangers in the last 50 years from Frum stores?
I am asking because I never heard of any, but as you pointed out it does not mean it never happened.

So if you found out there was only one, would you risk it with your baby?

amother

Aqua

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:22 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Are you saying that you don’t let your children play outside unsupervised until they are adults? Because I promise you that would cause a lot more issues than allowing your child to play unsupervised in a safe place even with a .0001 percent chance of a random creep trying to grab them. There are risks to everything in life but we need to live normally.

You are incorrect, “even one instance” is NOT too many. If it was, parents wouldn’t be able to do virtually anything without being accused of neglect or abuse.

I remember there was a girl in my class at school who’s mother always made her bring her passport along on field trips in case there was some urgent need to flee leave the country. I mean, did it ever happen in history that a class had to flee the country while on a field trip? Possibly. Did that girls mother have an unhealthy level of anxiety about her children’s safety? Definitely.

I assume you let your children ride in cars? Go swimming? Eat food? The chances of a child dying or bring seriously injured from one of those 3 activities is far beyond whatever danger that baby was in.

For the record, it does seem fairly obvious from the way OP described the story that the baby was left unintentionally. So I’m not sure where all the horror at the neglect is coming from.

And no, despite the many times you mentioned it on this thread, leaving your wallet unattended is not a good comparison at all. Wallets get stolen all the time. Babies in carriages in middle of aisles in busy kosher groceries don’t.

Cheiny

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 2:23 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

That’s not a good analogy. Wallets and jewelry get stolen all the time. Babies in carriages in busy stores in middle of aisles do not.

So again, even if the odds are very low, one in ten million. Are those good enough odds for you to risk your children?

I honestly can’t believe anyone is defending this. I can see a misunderstanding, thinking one of the other kids is watching the baby or what not, but to intentionally do it, to not show back up for 7 minutes, and to say from the jump that there’s nothing wrong with doing this, as some of the imas here are, is frightening to me.

Again, I truly hope it doesn’t take a really bad wake up call.

I’ve also told the story where at 12 midnight on a Friday night, a 2 yr old frum child was found (thankfully by a frum jew) wandering the streets looking for their Mommy. The man who found the child went knocking on many doors and finally located the parents, hanging out at their friends’ home. They figured their kidS (yes, there were more children in the home who’d been left alone, including a baby! No old enough kids to babysit) were sleeping, so they could leave and go have fun with another couple.

The man was going to contact the police if he didn’t find the parents, so lucky for those neglectful parents, he found them. They surely would’ve been arrested if it had reached the cops.

I guess we’ll be hearing from imas defending this story as well…