What's $200???? | Imamother

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:57 am

My father usually gives $200 per couple purim gelt.
My father was sick out of commission this year, and my mom said that he'll send everyone the money. I told my mother "thank you, it's a real help for yom tov".
My sister in law commented "really? What's $200? $200 is nothing. " I was so bothered by this. For her, that dresses her kids very expensive, is on government programs, $200 may be nothing. But for me, $200 is shoes for all my kids, or a nice amount of clothing, or money towards groceries... $200 means a lot to me.
Please let's try to be sensitive with our comments.

#BestBubby

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:01 am

Your father is sick,out of commission, and didnt send the money this year.

It sounds like your father is not in a position to help. Please dont pressure your parents.

Reach out to organizations that help with pesach expenses.

Wishing your father a Refuah Shelaimah and you shoukd have a joyous Pesach.

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:02 am

amother OP wrote:

My father usually gives $200 per couple purim gelt.
My father was sick out of commission this year, and my mom said that he'll send everyone the money. I told my mother "thank you, we're counting on it for yom tov".
My sister in law commented "really? What's $200? $200 is nothing. " I was so bothered by this. For her, that dresses her kids very expensive, is on government programs, $200 may be nothing. But for me, $200 is shoes for all my kids, or a nice amount of clothing, or money towards groceries... $200 means a lot to me.
Please let's try to be sensitive with our comments.

I am not struggling and 200 is a lot.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:07 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Huh?? How did you come to this conclusion from my post??
This is quite insulting.
Bh him being sick, doesn't impact his ability to help the way he usually does. He just wasn't at the purim sueda so he wasn't able to give us the money. Which is why my mother said that he'd send it to us. No pressuring from anyone involved.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:08 am

Perhaps she was trying to be sensitive to her in-laws, maybe she knows something you don’t about their financial situation and was trying to minimize the “need” for the money

Your comment was pretty insensitive as well IMO, I’m not saying you can’t need the money or express gratitude for your mother offering it, but saying “thanks, we really need it” is putting a lot of pressure and makes you sound like your entitled to it

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:08 am

rkay wrote:

Sounds like she meant that $200 doesn't cover much for all the yom tov expenses, not that it isn't helpful.

For her it doesn't. But for many others, that don't spend almost $200 on a pair of shoes per kid, $200 goes a long way.
I think it's an insensitive comment to make.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:12 am

amother Papaya wrote:

It's my parents. My sister in laws in laws.
No, she doesn't know something I don't know.
My mother was the one that brought up the money, telling everyone before we left "totty will ih send you the purim gelt."
To which I replied, "thank you, it's a real help towards yom tov expenses."
I don't think there's anything wrong with what I said. I didn't bring up the money. My mother did.
We'll manage fine without the $200, I just expressed to my mom how helpful it is.

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:16 am

What in the world is with these responses. Who said anything about pressure? She said her father was sick so not at the seuda. And the mother said shell send the money. And she said thank you, it's a huge help.
What part of that is insensitive?? She didn't ask for the money. Her mother said it will be sent. Her father being sick doesn't mean he is disabled, not working, and not in a position to help.
Her mother volunteered that the money will be sent. No one begged for it.

I really wonder about the people on this site.

141

amother

DarkPurple

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:20 am

it's good you don't take it for granted and say thank you!!!
it bothers me that some people don't show the hakaras hatov they should. or take the wrong way. or spend the wrong way, if they don't have.
I recall someone being in debt and when I suggested she go to a gmach for coats, she was like, "what difference does spending a little on coats make?" every dollar counts. and even if you can manage without, a gift it appreciated when things are tight!
don't think too much into her comments

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:22 am

amother NeonOrange wrote:

Thank you.
I'm scratching my head over some responses here. Like posters are deliberately looking to turn this on me and make me feel like I did something wrong.

Busybee5

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:28 am

#BestBubby wrote:

You missed her point. I would be bothered by this comment as well OP.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:30 am

amother Papaya wrote:

I didn't hear that at all.

If I would give someone money and they would tell me how appreciated it was and it fulfills a need for them, I would be very happy.

Especially as a parent when you often have to give to multiple kids, even if you have a nice amount total to give, sometimes when you divide it between all the children it's not that much it's nice when people still acknowledge its usefulness.

amother

Amber

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:32 am

I think you were fine and showed proper middos. I think your sil was in poor taste. she sounded ungrateful.
and yes op it is hard when people who get government handouts live on a higher financial level and don't seem to appreciate stuff.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:41 am

amother OP wrote:

It's my parents. My sister in laws in laws.
No, she doesn't know something I know.
My mother was the one that brought up the money, telling everyone before we left "totty will ih send you the purim gelt."
To which I replied, thank you, it's a real help towards are yom tov expenses."
I don't think there's anything wrong with what I said. I didn't bring up the money. My mother did.
We'll manage fine without the $200, but I just expressed to my mom how helpful it is.

She can know something you don’t just because she is married to your brother, who may know something you don’t know. It has nothing to do with who’s the daughter or DIL

In your OP you said your reply was “we were counting on it for yom tov”. That shows you are expecting it like you are entitled to it, as well as putting pressure on receiving it. Your mother might have been the one to bring it up but it could have been from feeling obligated to say something, it doesn’t automatically mean it’s something they can afford right now or are truly able to give out easily

amother

Pink

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:42 am

Did she say it to your mil or just to you? 200 for a family is not a lot but depends on your parents financial situation and if they support her anyways. Regardless it’s a stupid thing to say. If she only told it to you than you can say this is Purim present not meant to support you or pay for all your expenses. I wonder if her parents give much more. Again regardless it’s a stupid comment and in poor taste.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you.
I'm scratching my head over some responses here. Like posters are deliberately looking to turn this on me and make me feel like I did something wrong.

I wasn’t trying to do that at all, I was trying to point out to give SIL benefit of the doubt because there could have been other reasons for her making that comment you just aren’t aware of.

And then I was making a point that the same way you found her comment insensitive, someone could find yours insensitive as well.

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:44 am

amother Papaya wrote:

Oh my. She doesn't know anything I don't. I assure you on that.
It's really not a complicated situation at all bh. My father being out of commission, has zero to do and zero impact on their financial situation bh. He did give out $1000's on purim bh bh.
My mother did not bring it up out of obligation or pressure.
My sister in law's comment is from lack of sensitivity & has nothing to do with my father being out of commission on purim.