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-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:20 pm
Baby is almost 6 months and the constant putting-to-sleep is getting to me and making me angry. I don't want to do CIO but don't have the patience for other "gentle" methods. I need it to work.
I've been having some success with getting her to an almost sleeping state with holding and bouncing, and then put her down at what I call "the point of no return" which is when her eyes are unlikely to open, and patting until she's asleep. It doesn't always work and we're currently contact napping as we speak.
How did you sleep train and at what age? Did you focus on nights or naps? How long did it take?
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:29 pm
Sleep train to me means overnight sleep. What method we used to get them yo sleep overnight
You’re describing how to get them to fall asleep.
I never did bouncing/patting/shushing etc. I put babies down awake but sleepy. Sounds like yours doesn’t even Know how To fall asleep on her own
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:31 pm
| amother Navy wrote: | Sleep train to me means overnight sleep. What method we used to get them yo sleep overnight
You’re describing how to get them to fall asleep.
I never did bouncing/patting/shushing etc. I put babies down awake but sleepy. Sounds like yours doesn’t even Know how To fall asleep on her own |
Yep, pretty much. If I put her down awake, depending on how tired she is, she'll either start kicking her legs and smiling or crying.
She needs help getting to the drowsy state.
OTOH, she fell asleep in her stroller yesterday (a rare occurence) without a peep. That only happens if she's way past her wake window.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:33 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yep, pretty much. If I put her down awake, depending on how tired she is, she'll either start kicking her legs and smiling or crying.
She needs help getting to the drowsy state.
OTOH, she fell asleep in her stroller yesterday (a rare occurence) without a peep. |
Of course there will be crying. (What’s wrong with smiling or kicking her legs? What’s wrong with crying for that matter? )
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:38 pm
| amother Navy wrote: | | Of course there will be crying. (What’s wrong with smiling or kicking her legs? What’s wrong with crying for that matter? ) |
She's clearly tired but isn't getting the message that it's time to sleep unless I'm holding her. Come to think of it, she recently started crying while I'm already holding her.
What am I supposed to do? Just leave her?
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amother
Mistyrose
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:39 pm
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I go every 5 min and shush them offer pacifier etc..I do not take out of crib. Make environment friendly for sleep like noisemaker, dark, own room, give a bath bf bed,...it will be hard week but then over
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:45 pm
| amother OP wrote: | She's clearly tired but isn't getting the message that it's time to sleep unless I'm holding her. Come to think of it, she recently started crying while I'm already holding her.
What am I supposed to do? Just leave her? |
Yes! Maybe she’ll kick and fuss and fall asleep!! This is what training is, it’s teaching them a new skill!
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:49 pm
| amother Mistyrose wrote: | | I go every 5 min and shush them offer pacifier etc..I do not take out of crib. Make environment friendly for sleep like noisemaker, dark, own room, give a bath bf bed,...it will be hard week but then over |
Do they cry? I've tried soothing in the crib. Just makes her cry harder.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:50 pm
| amother Navy wrote: | | Yes! Maybe she’ll kick and fuss and fall asleep!! This is what training is, it’s teaching them a new skill! |
Not sure I could handle the crying.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 1:59 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Not sure I could handle the crying. |
I don’t get it. Babies cry. Doesn’t she sometimes cry when she gets bathed? Diaper changed? What about when she’s stripped to get weighed at the doctor? What about vaccines? All these things are gold for her, they’re things she needs, and you know that. She needs to learn to sleep. The longer you wait the harder it will be and in the meantime you’re reinforcing a lot of unproductive habits
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amother
Antiquewhite
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:27 pm
It's ok for your baby to cry a bit if you are right there soothing her and she knows she's safe. But leaving her to cry alone will make her feel scared and abandoned. Trust your instinct which is telling you to take care of your baby who needs you. Make sure she is not hungry, wet or cold/hot/uncomfortable.
This website may be helpful:
https://www.askdrsears.com/top.....leep/
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:39 pm
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I don't think 6 month Olds are physiologically wired to fall asleep on their own. It's developmentally appropriate for them to want to be held or rocked or nursed to sleep.
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amother
DarkMagenta
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:27 pm
I can’t handle letting my baby cry. Here is the method I use to put her to sleep.
We change to pjs (or do a bath depending on the night). I bring her to my room, turn on a noise machine, close the light, turn on a kosher lamp.
We say shema and I sing to her for about five minutes. At this point she’s very drowsy. I put her in her crib and put in her paci. If she doesn’t go to sleep right away I stand next to her and sing to her while patting her. If she’s screaming I take her out and start the process again.
A few key points: make sure she’s drowsy but awake when you put her down so she learns to drop off on her own
How is her napping schedule? I don’t let my baby sleep more than 45 min after 4 and put her in around 715.
Try to gauge her mood. Just because bedtime is 715 doesn’t mean if she’s playing and hopping and Bobbing I put her in. I wait for her to get tired and then put her in
Also I never (besides emergency’s) take her out of the room once she went down
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amother
Holly
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:28 pm
At that age we do cry it out, but the amount of crying we allow at rhat age is short.
But what really helps is routine. For maritime and bedtime have a routine every time (nap routine can be shorter).
Bath (bedtime only), with lavender soap/shampoos
Dim the lights
Diaper change
Put on pajamas (only at night)
Put on sleep sack (also during naps)
Read a book
Sing a gentle song
Chant Shema and Hamalach Hagoel (night time only).
Nurse or bottle
Sometimes sing song again if they are still awake.
Say goodnight, Put them down, and just leave the room.
Or make your own version.
If you do the routines in more or less the same order every time, consistently every nap/bedtime, their body will eventually associate them with sleeping and it will help them get drowsy. And if you consistently leave right after you put them.down, they learn that too.
There will often be some crying, but at that age a few minutes of crying is really ok , especially since they are fed and dry and cozy. We increase the amount of allowed crying by age, from 2 minutes to 20 minutes. My oldest never cried more than 10 minutes and then after a few nights didn't cry at all. My youngest can cry for up to 20 minutes and did that frequently, though sometimes much less, but she almost always cries for at least a minute or two. Each child is unique.
Another key is that if they wake up and cry, wait before you go to them or talk to them. Wait the same amount (again, between 2 and 20 minutes depending on age).
I find that sleep training this way took 1-3 weeks depending on the child, and then they slept throgub nights and naps generally (bot always because no baby is perfect). My oldest was easy going and not a cryer, but my youngest is a stubborn baby and we did repeat the training a few times when there were other life changes. But thank G-d they are both pretty good sleepers (I just wish the baby would stop waking up at 5 am lol).
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girlmom24
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:37 pm
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I found the baby sleep maven course very worthwhile, she gives you a few different methods to try and lots of practical advice.
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amother
RosePink
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:42 pm
The most important thing is to have a routine. The routine can be whatever works for you.
I personally say shema with my baby then we I turn on soothing music. The same song every single night. I put my baby in the crib with a pacifier. I turn on the noise maker on turn off the light and leave room.
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amother
Freesia
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:21 pm
| amother Navy wrote: | | Of course there will be crying. (What’s wrong with smiling or kicking her legs? What’s wrong with crying for that matter? ) |
Why would you make your baby cry voluntarily?
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amother
Freesia
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:22 pm
| amother OP wrote: | She's clearly tired but isn't getting the message that it's time to sleep unless I'm holding her. Come to think of it, she recently started crying while I'm already holding her.
What am I supposed to do? Just leave her? |
Don’t leave her. She is so young. 6 months is very little. Don’t have her cry, that’s neglectful,
Read the No Cry Sleep Solution.
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amother
Freesia
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:24 pm
| amother Holly wrote: | At that age we do cry it out, but the amount of crying we allow at rhat age is short.
But what really helps is routine. For maritime and bedtime have a routine every time (nap routine can be shorter).
Bath (bedtime only), with lavender soap/shampoos
Dim the lights
Diaper change
Put on pajamas (only at night)
Put on sleep sack (also during naps)
Read a book
Sing a gentle song
Chant Shema and Hamalach Hagoel (night time only).
Nurse or bottle
Sometimes sing song again if they are still awake.
Say goodnight, Put them down, and just leave the room.
Or make your own version.
If you do the routines in more or less the same order every time, consistently every nap/bedtime, their body will eventually associate them with sleeping and it will help them get drowsy. And if you consistently leave right after you put them.down, they learn that too.
There will often be some crying, but at that age a few minutes of crying is really ok , especially since they are fed and dry and cozy. We increase the amount of allowed crying by age, from 2 minutes to 20 minutes. My oldest never cried more than 10 minutes and then after a few nights didn't cry at all. My youngest can cry for up to 20 minutes and did that frequently, though sometimes much less, but she almost always cries for at least a minute or two. Each child is unique.
Another key is that if they wake up and cry, wait before you go to them or talk to them. Wait the same amount (again, between 2 and 20 minutes depending on age).
I find that sleep training this way took 1-3 weeks depending on the child, and then they slept throgub nights and naps generally (bot always because no baby is perfect). My oldest was easy going and not a cryer, but my youngest is a stubborn baby and we did repeat the training a few times when there were other life changes. But thank G-d they are both pretty good sleepers (I just wish the baby would stop waking up at 5 am lol). |
Your bedtime routine sounds lovely but the crying part is abusive.
Op, please don’t listen to this advice. The arbitrary number of minutes that you let your baby cry boggles my mind.
CIO is abusive and you will regret it one day.
20 minutes of crying for a baby toddler is traumatic.
Not ok at all.
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amother
Geranium
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Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:32 pm
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Abusive is a strong word. If sleep training doesn’t resonate with you, don’t do it, but no, it is not abusive.
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