Help from organizations for middle class

amother

Maple

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 11:59 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

My point is just that shoes specifically for yom tov is an extra, not a basic yom tov need. Again, if there was enough tzedakah money for everyone to buy whatever they wanted then great. But with limited funds I think it should be priority for basics of food , and then maybe one- two yom tov dress/ suit per kid at an affordable store , the basics of tzedakah meaning $1000 per kid is in my opinion a misuse of tzedakah.

Do you know personally one family that got $1000/kid? What

notshanarishona

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:02 am

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Notshanarishona you are 100% correct in all your posts

The rule in my family is we buy clothes and shoes when we need them, not when you tov falls out.

My dd outgrew her shabbos shoes in middle of the winter, so she got shoes then. My ds just outgrew his pants so he will get new pants now.

My kids do not associate yom tov with new clothing. And that is fine. We have plenty of simchas yom tov without new clothing and we really enjoy the family time.

Ironically, my neighbor in chinuch got gift cards and took her 5 daughters to buy new shoes, dresses, and robes.

My in-laws live on a block with a lot of chinuch families and it's insane how the kids are dressed. Perfect head to toe, from the headband to the ribbed shell to the outfit to the tights/socks to the shoes to the necklace and earrings...all financed by gift cards and tzedaka organizations

Thank you!
My kids are totally happy with the (1) new outfit they each got from the gemach/ discounted clothing sale. They are not deprived because they didn’t get new shoes or headbands , etc . One kid got new shoes in February when her shoes got a hole and other one is still wearing Shabbos shoes that we got in the beginning of the winter. I have no problem with people buying shoes when they need them, my problem is collecting tzedakah so that everyone can get new expensive shoes for yom tov (when so many people are in debt just putting food on the table Pesach time)

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:03 am

amother Maple wrote:

Very kvetchy post! Can't Believe It

It sounds like my kids when they complain that their siblings got something they didn't get.
And then ppl add that it's really not fair, what's the point???

Op, so sorry you need help. Pesach is a very stressful season.
How about asking if anyone is aware of help you can get before pesach? Which town do you live in?

I dk elsewhere but in lakewood there are a few organizations that specifically help middle class. Afaik Tomchei shabbo is available to everyone that has a hard time paying for their groceries !
I hope you find resources to help you have a peaceful and enjoyable pesach.

This post is so tone deaf to struggling middle class families. This is a struggle that those that aren't in this position, cannot understand. This is a struggle that anyone that receives any government benefits, cannot understand.
(And no, not all tomchei shabbos is available to everyone.)

notshanarishona

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:07 am

giftedmom wrote:

Btw my two year old will be wearing H&M shabbos shoes just saying

That’s awesome!
H&M shoes are great and a 2 year old who changes sizes every few months really doesn’t need more than that !

It doesn’t bother me when people throw $ in the garbage/ buy overpriced things when it’s their $ and they can afford it. It bothers me when we turn luxuries into a need for everyone, make major peer pressure where people feel like toddlers need name brands, and organizations fundraise for things like shoes vouchers at stores where the cheapest shoes are $50 or more a pair.
The concept that kid need Jewish style shoes or Jewish coats is so foreign to me. Kids need functional shoes that are comfortable to walk in and look decent.

notshanarishona

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:10 am

amother Maple wrote:

Do you know personally one family that got $1000/kid? What

Yes, I know “poor” kollel families (who are being supported, getting government benefits, living on high standards) and who get help from so many different tzedakos before Pesach they make the rich look poor. I don’t know exactly amount of the coupons given out but it’s definitely excessive for some and there is definitely double or triple dipping with some people getting help from numerous organizations.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:22 am

OP I’m sorry for your struggles and your stress. Other posters have mentioned resources in larger Jewish communities, it sounds like you live in a smaller community. So those in the InTown communities may not be familiar with the resources in your hometown. Have you discussed this with the Rav in town? Sometimes rabanim know of resources. I know from experience as both a relative of a Rav and as someone who has been approached quietly to give help anonymously .
I’m sorry you are feeling disappointed but please try not to talk down other groups , it doesn’t help you anyway ❤️
Davening for you that you receive help in happiness and health ❤️

amother

Magnolia

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:29 am

amother OP wrote:

I dk where you live, but I live in Lakewood middle class, we get Tomchei Shabbos Pesach and Sukkos plus Ahavas Tzedaka. They are so gracious and generous. I think Tomchei, anyone can get, no questions asked. Ahavas Tzedaka asks for your Rav.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:31 am

amother NeonPink wrote:

I'm in boro park. Every neighbors kids will be dolled up on yom tov with new clothing, shoes and accessories. Me feeling the pinch in my pocket and telling my kids we'll get them new clothes at a later date doesn't help my kids feel happy. Legit every neighbor is coming out fully bedecked in new stuff. It's a social norm and unless your kids are uber strong in their confidence, it's not acceptable to skip. Maybe if I lived out where there's no pressure

Sorry you feel this way.
It’s ironic because BH we are in the position we give to tomchei and to other worthy organizations, bli ayin hara , my husband is makpid on giving chomesh to tzedakah BH. Kein yirbu. The irony is that my kids wear plenty of H and M and cheaper brands , and are fine and totally comfortable in it. I dont have a problem with it , I’m grateful my family doesn’t feel the need to spend more on ourselves. We sometimes spend on the frum brands but it’s not our go to and we certainly don’t get all decked out. I wonder what you would think of us if you saw us on Yom Tov Smile

amother

Poinsettia

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:55 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm with you in the same boat and totally understand you!
My workmate who's husband is a rebbe is getting tons of stuff from chasdei lev plus shes getting from yoely landau plus her food stamps ect .
And when I say something that the people in chinuch have much more than middle class she says I dont appreciate them and they work so hard bla bla bla
I tell her dh also works hard and was not off of tannis esther and shushan purim and all the other days they are off.

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:59 am

amother Poinsettia wrote:

If you also live in Williamsburg you can also get from yoely landau

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:15 am

So many of these options are available to everybody but maybe kollel and chinuch families have more centralized support so they easily get the help. Everybody else has to reach out on their own and its very hard to find out whats available to them without the centralized system that a kollel or school has. Not all shul rabbonim are familiar with every organization and how to apply for assistance from each one.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:29 am

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

This. I want to be able to easily get help, just like the other families easily get help. I don't want to have to ask my Rav to vouch for us & beg organizations for help.
It's degrading enough to have to make the initial phone call, to be forced to beg & then be told no, is just not ok.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:42 am

amother OP wrote:

This. I want to be able to easily get help, just like the other families easily get help. I don't want to have to ask my Rav to vouch for us & beg organizations for help.

Honestly, I wish there was a way that middle class families didnt always have to wait.

Our Rav was fighting with an organization to get us some gift cards for tights, shells, and shoes without holes.
It came out that low income kollel families take priority, even if theyre going away for the entire Pesach and having their entire matza, wine, meat covered by parents.
But they get clothing and shoes gift cards (to frum stores) and those of us barely making it middle class who go into debt for matza, wine, and chicken cant afford to buy tights and shoes.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:43 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

Where I live, tomchei shabbos asks for income information from anyone who isn't kollel/chinuch & they deny those that aren't eligible.
It's crazy, because being in kollel or chinuch, doesn't make one automatically poor & needy.
Many kollel families don't even make yom tov, yet get cases of goods & food for yom tov. How does that make sense.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:45 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

I agree. It's just so twisted.
If someone isn't home for pesach, they shouldn't be getting pesach packages & their packages should go to those that are home & struggling to make pesach.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:46 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

I live in a large in town community.
(And no one is talking down on other groups.)

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:50 am

amother OP wrote:

I agree. It's just so twisted.
If someone isn't home for pesach, they shouldn't be getting pesach packages & their packages should go to those that are home & struggling to make pesach.

I feel like organizations should be more streamlined and baseline.

EVERY SINGLE FAMILY should have matza, wine, and chicken without worry before ANYONE gets clothing from an organization

Then, EVERYONE should have tights and underwear before ANYONE gets hairbows.

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:57 am

amother OP wrote:

I agree. It's just so twisted.
If someone isn't home for pesach, they shouldn't be getting pesach packages & their packages should go to those that are home & struggling to make pesach.

Yes. Plus they are getting tax returns which they can use to buy clothes. Middle income doesn’t get that. Actually they need to pay the accountant and sometimes more taxes at this time of the year.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:26 am

amother Magnolia wrote:

Do you feel comfortable using them? We get the same as you. We are the poor middle class. Wish I was eligible for food stamps we shouldn't have to take. Succos -pesach I lived on just the card. Plue hand me downs Plus Ruby shoes. Summer I can't manage without buying. My hand me down family clothing are not in the best condition.I can't handle going to serendipity. ISo I buy clothing usually up to $7 for boy. Mostly primark. And girls preteens I buy a minimum in tottini because they need the length. Is this not frugal enough to use the card? Is this taking advantage? I extra feel bad about the list of stores. My kids feel good going to the store and choosing what they want and I feel bad because some are very expensive. I feel even the store owners judging me. My son. Wants a new suit and he wants to pick it out. He gets 1 suit jacket plus a few pairs if pants a year using the card. But maybe we should be getting everything second hand or on the clearance rack. Am I spending wisely enough on it. To get my kids a weekday clothing from tottini not from their backroom? Am I supposed to get the shabbos robe or dress from tottini because it comes out the cheapest. In addition last season I bought from ruby because the price difference is so big. I rather use the card for basics then buy the shoes without the card. Just adding to my basic budget it's a huge help.

amother

Diamond

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 11:28 am

It is ironic..come to think of it…
My neighbor who is looking to buy a house in Brooklyn with bh lots of parental help while they are in kollel just posted what exact tights will be in for this summer since she’s stocking up for the whole season on a coupon she got.

Happy for her.
Sad for those who can’t even get anew pair just for actual pesach because they don’t have coupons.

But if anyone has a better system……let’s hear….
Does everyone just get discounted hosiery for the month of Nissan?