Do you wait up for your teens to come home?

amother

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 11:58 pm

My parents didn't really and I always felt so free to come and go as I pleased, which I loved as a teen, but as a mom, I'm not sure it's the right way to go. I really try to wait up, bit sometimes it gets late and I have many other littles bH to tend to in the wee hours of the morning. I do stay up late to shmooze with my teens when they are home...my issue is waiting up for them when they only come home quite late.

I do ask them to please lock up when they come back and to either knock on my door or text me to let me know they are back.

amother

Skyblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:16 am

amother OP wrote:

14-16

I cannot sleep when my kids are out, so I'm up till they get home.

amother

Electricblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:28 am

Usually I stay up. Even super duper late, like on Purim
But Friday night I told my son to just wake me up when he got home to let me know he was home.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:31 am

For those of you who said yes, can you please explain why? for safety reasons? for your kids to know that you are waiting for them/accountability? other?

Elfrida

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 1:22 am

My parents slept at the front of the house. When I used to babysit late, I would normally see the light in their room go off as the car drew up outside the house. My father denied that he waited up for me, but years later was willing to laugh about it.

amother

Gold

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 1:40 am

I try to go to sleep before they are home but I’m very rarely successful. Every once in a while I’m super tired. We’re talking about teens. I would say 16 and up. I really wish I could because I leave my ringer on and I know staying up doesn’t help with anything so I’m really working on it. It stresses them out because they’re not at later than they’re supposed to. They don’t have a curfew. If I actually do fall asleep, I make sure that they wake me when they’re home. Otherwise I get up and to check my phone or a check the room to make sure.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 1:44 am

I don't, but only because DH does. If he didn't, I probably wouldn't be able to sleep.

As an aside my 14-16 year olds aren't coming home that late. After 18 is when they start coming home much later.

salt

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 2:20 am

I don't always wait up - my teens know that we (parents) go to sleep early because we get up early.

But I do try to call them before I go to bed (they don't always answer), to say good night, and ask them when they think they'll be home.
And I always say that if they get stuck, don't have a ride, miss the last bus, etc, they should call me without a doubt, and than my phone is by my bed.

And I leave them a good night note on the front door saying something like "Welcome back. Hope you had a good time. Remember to lock the front door/ turn off the boiler after your shower, etc, love you, good night."

amother

Khaki

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:59 am

How late are your children coming home?

My 16 year old is my oldest. The only time she's ever out late enough that someone might wait up is on a motzai Shabbos. DH and I will take turns waiting up depending on who got the better Shabbos nap. Otherwise on a school night she might be the last one in the house to go to bed, but she's home at a reasonable hour.

salt

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:24 am

amother Khaki wrote:

Not out till late on a regular basis.

16 year old might babysit till 11pm (~once every 3 weeks)
Simcha - my kids go to their friends siblings weddings/bar mitzvas, etc (~once every few months).
School trip, shabbat away (~3 times a year).

DH and I are usually in bed by 10/10.30 so we could easily be in bed before they come home.

singleagain

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 6:51 am

salt wrote:

And I leave them a good night note on the front door saying something like "Welcome back. Hope you had a good time. Remember to lock the front door/ turn off the boiler after your shower, etc, love you, good night."

Is this safe to leave on the front door? I know it's an absurd thing, but my brain suddenly jumped to what if someone sees the note and realizes someone's coming home late and decides to hide nearby or something.

I'm sorry but I hope I'm not frightening you or whatever. My brain just jumped to a scary place.

Might be better to leave the note just inside the door. You know like wherever they would have to put keys or purse or whatever down.

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 6:54 am

amother Khaki wrote:

if they are babysitting or at production practice, cast party, studying for midterms, etc. it could be well past midnight

salt

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:18 am

singleagain wrote:

I meant on the inside of the front door.

singleagain

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:19 am

salt wrote:

I meant on the inside of the front door.

That makes a lot more sense. Also, I'm sorry I am just waking up so my brain is not fully connected yet.

My parents leave notes for us on the stairs because our front door opens to the stairs and we obviously have to ascend the stairs if we're going to bed.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:24 am

I don't. Not even my boys who fly in very late from out of town and I haven't seen them in a while. I tried but I think it made me more tired than it made them feel good. I try to connect more the next day and ask how it was. If it's an older teen with a phone, I will text and check in.

amother

DarkMagenta

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:48 am

I doze off the couch in the living room until they come home.
With the phone nearby in case they get stuck and need a ride.
I don't I don't have to.
But 1) I dont sleep well until everyone is home and accounted for
2) When my teens come home, my being able to say "hi lock the door, get ready for bed" moves them along a bit
3) at this age, even if they're out for a good reason, I think its good and appropriate to learn be cognizant of the time, give a cheshbon to their parents why theyre out so late.
After they graduate high school, as they move out of their teen years into young adult, we'll revamp.
But at this age (18 and under in school) I think its good for them and know that their mother will know when they came home, will ask why.

amother

Chambray

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 10:05 am

I have girls those age

no I wouldnt go to sleep before theyre home unless were talking about them sitting in my bldg etc

Can u explain where they would be at those time? wedding simchos parties ? friend u trust? Are they trustworthy and responsible? do you like their friends?

I think more context is needed here for better answers...

amother

Heather

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 10:14 am

I will get into bed if I know they have a safe ride home but I don't go to sleep. I'll chill on my phone, watch...
If they don't have a solid ride home I wait to see if I'll have to go get them.
I wait for both safety and accountability. If someone were to chv happen I wouldn't know until the next morning and sometimes time is of the essence. They also have to learn responsibility and they can't just go and come as they please, when they please. If they knew I was sleeping they would have no reason to be home by a certain time and may very well stay out all night. They are teens afterall.